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Heard the one about Jeremy Clarkson?

General Pinochet

Plus Bernard Manning

in a DNA-mixing teleportation machine, produces...

Don't complain Jez

We're "only" joking

General Pinochet's visiting Britain to spend time with his old friend Margaret Thatcher in Dulwich, but he hears some lefties might have secured an extradition warrant for him, so his minders hire a car and they make a weekend of it, hiding-out in a cheap hotel in Manchester, in the hopes that things might quiet down a bit. After a few days of test-cards, the shopping channel, and Pinochet watching his bodyguards polish his boots for him (while he's wearing them), Pinochet gets bored and decides to check out the Embassy Club round the corner on the Rochdale Road. Pinochet walks in, orders some pork scratchings and a Bloody Mary, and strikes up a conversation with the Embassy's owner, the comedian Bernard Manning, who pops in once in a while to see if the day manager's hired any decent crumpet. After a couple of drinks they're getting on famously, reminiscing about the good old days when holidays in Greece and Spain really were fun - in the late 1960s, and when the BBC didn't give a shit about broadcasting racist jokes and showing xenophobic bollocks like The Black and White Minstrel Show, when Pinochet spies a weird-looking slot machine over in the corner. The General fancies a punt, but Manning tells Pinochet the delivery driver was a bit soft and dropped-off the wrong consignment. It's not a fruit machine but some sort of teleportation device left over from some arty Sci-Fi movie, called "The Fly" or something. Anyway, they're so spannered they reckon it's got to be good for a laugh. They squeeze into the machine's teleportation compartment, sit down and tell the bar-staff to close the doors behind and then press the red button. There's a huge bang, a weird buzzing noise, a fucking great bolt of lightning ripples up and down the sides of of the machine, and then "Bing!" - the same sound you get when your pot noodle's microwaved, the door flies open, and out steps...

Put it this way, I don't think even General Pinochet advocated murdering striking public sector workers IN FRONT OF THEIR FAMILIES. Keep up the pressure -

https://stakeholders.ofcom.org.uk/tell-us/specific-programme-epg

https://www.bbc.co.uk/complaints/forms/#anchor

The Real Context

Comments

Display the following 26 comments

Hands up who thinks Jeremy Clarkson's funny — Context
VG — Tony
Sense of humour bypass — dave
Free sketch — Drew
Jeremy Clarkson - a God amongst insects — Text
A missed comment — Dave
Lars von Trier, another gutless scumbag — Lt Aldo Raine
Mark Thomas — Bill
Daily Mail insists Clarkson DID NOT APOLOGISE — Dan
Daily Mail admits Clarkson's an "utter coward" — Dan
We have all been lied to by the BBC — Benchmark
so what are you all going to do about it? — taylor
Mirror confirms Clarkson did NOT apologise — Mark
So what am I going to do about it? — Andy Wilman
@Andy Wilman — taylor
Context? — Anarchoneilist
@taylor — Andy
I must say I agree with him about the suicides though — anon
Lars von Trier isn't a neo-Nazi — anon
31,000 complain about Jeremy Clarkson — Dinah
Suicides — Blue
Ofcom to investigate Clarkson... — Dean
New Clarkson racism — Laces
Jeremy Clarkson posing with EDL leader Stephen Lennon — Phil
Clarkson + EDL — Phil
Morality of the BBC — Updated

UK Indymedia

Heard the one about Jeremy Clarkson?

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