George Bush just gave the following interview to Rolling Stone Magazine, due out in the January edition:
Courtney Friel: “Mr. President, thank you so much for agreeing to give this exclusive interview to Rolling Stone Magazine. I hardly know where to begin. I don’t think that an active President of the United States has ever hit #1 on the charts before. Tell us, how did you become involved with Britney Spears’ new chart topping album “Blackout”?”
George Bush: “Thank you Courtney. Let me just say that that pink top you are wearing is extremely groovy. I find that when giving interviews like this it’s extremely important to get into the groove. President Musharraf is quite the groovester. We just gave him $10 billion and he used it to jail the court. I admire his chutzpah. Actually I have been a big fan of hip hop ever since I owned the Texas Rangers. One day I was at third base and what seemed like an easy catch one hopped right over my glove. I didn’t think it was too hip when Nolan Ryan called me “Butterfingers” so I called him “Curveball”. He thought that I called him “Cueball” and we got into quite a little scuffle there. Jeb helped me out and then he introduced me to Britney Spears.”
“In 1994 when Fay Vincent retired I applied to become Commissioner of Baseball. The owners turned me down and I decided to run for Governor of Texas. Nolan Ryan was on my campaign staff. I defeated Ann Richards who said that I had no grasp of the issues and “It’s difficult to run against someone who doesn’t have a clue.” Well today I am the President of the Free World and where is she?”
Courtney Friel: “I believe that she died last year of cancer of the esophagus.”
George Bush: “My point exactly. She’s 6 feet under and I’m topping the charts. “Gimme Gimme, Gimme more. Gimme Gimme, Gimme more.” You know Courtney, I’m really getting sick of all the insults. President Putin is running around telling everyone that I’m a madman running around with a razor and that my goal is to take over the entire world. Actually that was Dick’s idea and he told me that Iraq would be a gimme. Now he’s telling me that Iran and Pakistan are going to be gimmes. You have to rely on your team Courtney otherwise where would we be now?”
Courtney Friel: “Mr. President, if you don’t mind me asking but what is the true identity of the walrus? Many believe that it was Paul. Others believe that it was Craig Stadler. President Putin is now telling everyone that the lyrics you wrote for Britney Spears song ‘Radar’ from Britney Spears #1 album “Blackout” are a veiled reference to your missile shield in Poland and the Czech Republic which President Putin is now comparing to the Cuban Misssile Crisis and you are running around worrying everyone about Nuclear World War III. I’m getting my nails done next Thursday and I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind holding off until then.”
George Bush: “I’ll take care of it Courtney. No one ever accused me of being the Manicurist in Chief. Britney Spears and the kids and I were sitting in the studio in the White House and Britney wanted to call the song “Raider” over K-Fed raiding her money and taking her children and all, and I thought that we should call it “Radar” to please our Halliburton and Carlysle friends so we agreed to compromise; the song was called “Radar” but when Britney sang it she pronounced it “Raider”’, kind of like “Nucular”, if you know what I mean. I mean Al Gore says that he won the Presidency, and then he wins the Nobel Peace Prize. Tell me, how does making a movie about so called Global Warming qualify a person to win the Nobel Peace Prize. Isn’t it like mixing baseballs and basketballs Courtney? Can you explain it to me?”
Courtney Friel: “I have no clue Mr. President. What did you mean in ‘Gimme More’ when you wrote ‘Centre of attention, even when you’re up against the wall, You got me in a crazy position, If you’re on a mission, You got my permission, I just can’t control myself, more, they want more? Well I’ll give them more’? Is the United States up against the wall now, are you up against the wall now, are you talking about the Berlin Wall, the Great Wall of China, the Green Monster?”
George Bush: “Forget the wall Courtney. Don’t worry about the wall. Have you ever heard of Humpty Dumpty. Well Britney didn’t really like the ‘Humpty Dumpty’ lyrics, and neither did the twins, so we settled on those. The key words to focus on Courtney are ‘They want more, Well I’ll give them more.” You see Courtney, up until now Britney Spears and I have both been playing with our hands tied behind our backs. Courtney, you have no idea how powerful I really am. Have you heard of the word ‘Superpower’? I have so many 100 megaton nuclear rockets that split into 8 in midair, so many biological weapons and chemical weapons of mass destruction that I could blackout the sun from the sky for one year of nuclear winter, and end life on earth forever in 30 minutes, all by saying one word. I am so powerful it’s ridiculous. I could eat Mahmoud Ahmadinejad for breakfast Courtney.”
Courtney Friel: “Don’t forget about my nails Mr. President.”
George Bush: “Don’t worry Courtney, you’re in good hands. ‘Gimme Gimme, Gimme more. Gimme Gimme, Gimme More. Gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme.”
Courtney Friel: “Mr. President, thank you so much for agreeing to give this exclusive interview to Rolling Stone Magazine. I hardly know where to begin. I don’t think that an active President of the United States has ever hit #1 on the charts before. Tell us, how did you become involved with Britney Spears’ new chart topping album “Blackout”?”
George Bush: “Thank you Courtney. Let me just say that that pink top you are wearing is extremely groovy. I find that when giving interviews like this it’s extremely important to get into the groove. President Musharraf is quite the groovester. We just gave him $10 billion and he used it to jail the court. I admire his chutzpah. Actually I have been a big fan of hip hop ever since I owned the Texas Rangers. One day I was at third base and what seemed like an easy catch one hopped right over my glove. I didn’t think it was too hip when Nolan Ryan called me “Butterfingers” so I called him “Curveball”. He thought that I called him “Cueball” and we got into quite a little scuffle there. Jeb helped me out and then he introduced me to Britney Spears.”
“In 1994 when Fay Vincent retired I applied to become Commissioner of Baseball. The owners turned me down and I decided to run for Governor of Texas. Nolan Ryan was on my campaign staff. I defeated Ann Richards who said that I had no grasp of the issues and “It’s difficult to run against someone who doesn’t have a clue.” Well today I am the President of the Free World and where is she?”
Courtney Friel: “I believe that she died last year of cancer of the esophagus.”
George Bush: “My point exactly. She’s 6 feet under and I’m topping the charts. “Gimme Gimme, Gimme more. Gimme Gimme, Gimme more.” You know Courtney, I’m really getting sick of all the insults. President Putin is running around telling everyone that I’m a madman running around with a razor and that my goal is to take over the entire world. Actually that was Dick’s idea and he told me that Iraq would be a gimme. Now he’s telling me that Iran and Pakistan are going to be gimmes. You have to rely on your team Courtney otherwise where would we be now?”
Courtney Friel: “Mr. President, if you don’t mind me asking but what is the true identity of the walrus? Many believe that it was Paul. Others believe that it was Craig Stadler. President Putin is now telling everyone that the lyrics you wrote for Britney Spears song ‘Radar’ from Britney Spears #1 album “Blackout” are a veiled reference to your missile shield in Poland and the Czech Republic which President Putin is now comparing to the Cuban Misssile Crisis and you are running around worrying everyone about Nuclear World War III. I’m getting my nails done next Thursday and I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind holding off until then.”
George Bush: “I’ll take care of it Courtney. No one ever accused me of being the Manicurist in Chief. Britney Spears and the kids and I were sitting in the studio in the White House and Britney wanted to call the song “Raider” over K-Fed raiding her money and taking her children and all, and I thought that we should call it “Radar” to please our Halliburton and Carlysle friends so we agreed to compromise; the song was called “Radar” but when Britney sang it she pronounced it “Raider”’, kind of like “Nucular”, if you know what I mean. I mean Al Gore says that he won the Presidency, and then he wins the Nobel Peace Prize. Tell me, how does making a movie about so called Global Warming qualify a person to win the Nobel Peace Prize. Isn’t it like mixing baseballs and basketballs Courtney? Can you explain it to me?”
Courtney Friel: “I have no clue Mr. President. What did you mean in ‘Gimme More’ when you wrote ‘Centre of attention, even when you’re up against the wall, You got me in a crazy position, If you’re on a mission, You got my permission, I just can’t control myself, more, they want more? Well I’ll give them more’? Is the United States up against the wall now, are you up against the wall now, are you talking about the Berlin Wall, the Great Wall of China, the Green Monster?”
George Bush: “Forget the wall Courtney. Don’t worry about the wall. Have you ever heard of Humpty Dumpty. Well Britney didn’t really like the ‘Humpty Dumpty’ lyrics, and neither did the twins, so we settled on those. The key words to focus on Courtney are ‘They want more, Well I’ll give them more.” You see Courtney, up until now Britney Spears and I have both been playing with our hands tied behind our backs. Courtney, you have no idea how powerful I really am. Have you heard of the word ‘Superpower’? I have so many 100 megaton nuclear rockets that split into 8 in midair, so many biological weapons and chemical weapons of mass destruction that I could blackout the sun from the sky for one year of nuclear winter, and end life on earth forever in 30 minutes, all by saying one word. I am so powerful it’s ridiculous. I could eat Mahmoud Ahmadinejad for breakfast Courtney.”
Courtney Friel: “Don’t forget about my nails Mr. President.”
George Bush: “Don’t worry Courtney, you’re in good hands. ‘Gimme Gimme, Gimme more. Gimme Gimme, Gimme More. Gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme.”
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