I became a compassionate conservative republican today. I went to a local republican congressman's office and they told me what I had to do to become a compassionate conservative republican. I now support the Iraq war and the killing of tens of thousands of innocent people. I now like to see people being killed. I love being a compassionate conservative republican. Now, I only think of myself and no one else.
I GIVE UP... I JUST JOINED THE REPUBLICAN PARTY
by Larry S. Rolirad
I became a compassionate conservative republican today. I went to a local republican congressman's office and they told me what I had to do to become a compassionate conservative republican. I now support the Iraq war and the killing of tens of thousands of innocent people. I now like to see people being killed. Since Bush is now talking about using nuclear weapons against terrorists I would love to see him use them against every suspected terrorist. I don't care if there will be millions of innocent people killed by the nuclear explosion with nuclear fallout contaminating the entire planet.
As a new republican I look forward to worshipping all of my republican 'leaders' who are being indicted for criminal wrongdoings. I love it when the leaders of the house and senate both get indicted. I also love it when the guy like Karl Rove, who is telling Bush what to say and do, will also get indicted for outing a CIA operative. I now believe that it is a far worse sin to have a private consensual sexual escapade than to be a traitor to our country. My standards of ethical behavior used to be very high but now I believe that if one of my republican leaders violates ethics rules that those rules should be changed to allow the leader to escape any responsibility, like Tom Delay.
I have enrolled in a republican class where I will be taught to be a hypocrite. After all, almost all republican 'leaders' are hypocrites and I want to follow in their footsteps. Take Bill Bennett, the self described morality saint who was caught with a multimillion dollar gambling habit. Yes, old Bill Bennett was an addict to gambling. And this is the same Bill Bennett who called for the abortion of all black fetuses in our country. Yeah, old Bill, the 'righteous' and 'pious' republican who routinely condemns democrats for being immoral is one of the most immoral thugs on the planet. Shades of Nazi Germany. Bill Bennett called for the genocide of blacks because they are an inferior race. Old Bill, is just like the Nazis who systematically slaughtered millions of Jews. And take GW Bush, the ultimate hypocrite who claims to be a "Christian" but his entire life is one of excess, fraud, theft, lies, and the murderer of 1943 American troops so far in Iraq and Afghanistan. While Bush was governor of Texas he presided over more inmate executions than all of the other states combined. And there were a lot of condemned inmates who never received a fair trial. But that didn't matter to Bush because he was only interested in votes. And lets not forget the republican leader of the House of Representatives, Tom Delay. He has been indicted twice, so far, for his criminal acts including money laundering and fraud. His crimes could net him a sentence of life in prison. Even that is too lenient of a penalty for the crimes he has committed against his fellow man, women, and children. Even the leader of the US Senate, Bill Frist, has been indicted for insider trading, a crime that put Martha Stewart in prison. Karl Rove, who performs the same function in the Bush Regime as Joseph Goebbels did in Nazi Germany, is very close to be indicted for outing a CIA agent, a treasonous crime that could put him in prison for 25 years. The list of hypocrites in the republican party is endless but it should be noted that everyone of Bush's cabinet should also be in prison for life for all deliberately lying to justify going to war against Iraq, a country which NEVER ONCE posed any threat to the United States. They are all directly guilty for the slaughter of 1944 of our troops, so far, and more than a hundred thousand innocent Iraqis and Afghans.
As a new compassionate conservative republican I now belittle and condemn people who are poor and in need like the Hurricane Katrina victims. Those victims deserve the misery they have, because they are all black, poor and democratic. I now condemn black people, because as a new compassionate conservative republican I know they are inferior and not completely human. I now look at them as 3/5 ths of a person like the good old days when only white men could vote or own land. Since republicans don't believe that judges should change the law blacks would still be slaves, blacks and women could not vote, and only white men could own land.
Since I became a compassionate conservative republican I now think that no one should help the poor. Let them starve. I now look at poor people as inferior because if they were worth anything they would have lots of money. I now disregard everything Jesus said about the poor, the needy, and the hungry. I now know by being a republican that Jesus was wrong about helping to feed and save people in great need. As a new compassionate conservative republican I now claim to be a Christian but yet not have to follow Jesus's philosophy of love and peace because all I have to do is claim that I'm a member of God's party. And like Bush, I will now claim that Jesus is my favorite philosopher. Hey, it got him millions of votes from the dupes who actually believed that nonsense.
I now believe that it is ok to satisfy my own greed and wants instead of spending time helping others, like Bush, who went to a republican fundraiser and played golf when the people in New Orleans were made homeless, were drowning, were suffering, and who were drowning. I now believe it is great to go fly fishing for three days while people were trying to keep from drowning as the water rose all around them. After all, that is what Dick Cheney did while people's lives were being destroyed by Hurricane Katrina. Dick Cheney even took another few days off to spend ten million of his Halliburton money to buy another mansion in Maryland, while he ignored the defenseless, the frail, they elderly, the sick, and the dying. I now feel it is good to just ignore the plight of others. After all, it would take away from my time being greedy.
Speaking of greed, I now believe that we should spend unlimited amounts of our treasury on the military, even if the money doesn't add one dime's worth of defense to our country. I believe that our soldiers in battle areas should have to buy their own armor to protect themselves, because that means corrupt republican companies can steal more money from our government. As a new republican I also believe it is the responsiblity of the parents of our troops to spend thousands of dollars out of their own pockets to buy armor like bulletproof vests to protect their own children. After all, the more money that comes out of the pockets of our troops and their parents means that more of our taxes can be stolen by corrupt and evil republican corporations, like Halliburton. Lastly, I believe that the widows and parents of soldiers who are killed in Bush's Wars should have to pay for their own body bags, caskets, and flags that are draped over them. I also believe that the widows and parents of soldiers Bush has murdered should have to pay to have their bodies flown home to their distraught families. Why should the taxpayers have to pay to return our dead soldiers? After all, republicans like to say that our dead soldiers 'enlisted' so it is their family's responsibility to have their dead sons and daughters returned.
I love being a compassionate conservative republican. Now, I only think of myself and no one else. After all, poor people are poor because they are all are drug addicts, bums, hobos, lazy, stupid, and generally useless. I now believe that only the wealthy have any worth as a person, because if a person has a lot of money that means they all worked very hard to get their money. I don't care that the facts state that 94 percent of the extremely wealthy inherited their money, like all of Sam Walton's deadbeat kids. Each one of them is worth 19 BILLION dollars. But, as a new republican, I know that those children of the Walmart founder had to work hard to squirm out of their mama's womb.
My fellow Americans, I now love being a compassionate conservative republican. As requested by most Bush supporters who have been critical of my past posts, I will immediately cease exercising my First Amendment rights. I will cease exercising my rights to assembly and to protest like that evil Cindy Sheehan did. As a republican I know that Mrs. Sheehan even if she did have her son killed in Bush's oil war she shouldn't have the right to protest. I will cease exercising my right to petition the government for any redress of grievances. I will also have the Bush regime review and edit all of my articles before I post them for public display. And by not exercising my rights guaranteed by our Constitution and Bill of Rights I know I will be hurting the terrorists by playing right into their hands.
I am also against having anymore elections. Since almost all of the votes that were counted in last year's election were done by paperless voting machines made by republican companies is there any doubt that republicans would win most of the elections? Those republican owned companies which made all of those voting machines refused to disclose the software code inside of the machines so it was easy to throw out millions of democratic votes, or count democratic votes as republican votes.. The companies which made those machines didn't have anything to worry about since there was no paper trail to worry about. They could put any corrupt software code they want to steal elections without being accountable. So since all elections are rigged anyway then why have them at all? Does anyone really believe that Bush won the 2004 election? Ha, ha, ha! LOL! LMFAO! In a lot of democratic precincts where people voted 95 percent for democrats in the past, Bush "won" those precincts last year. As a new republican I love corrupt companies running our elections. Besides, those democrats who voted shouldn't have their votes counted because they are all stupid anyway. Yeehaww. If we eliminate elections I won't have to be bothered with knowing anything about candidates or the issues. I will be able to use my mind trying to decide what show I want to watch on my television, like Jerry Springer and wrestling matches. Oh yeah, as a good 'family values' republican I will now start watching Hollywood's most violent movies many of which were made by such good republicans like violencemongers Arnold Swartzenegger and Chuck Norris, producers of the biggest body-count movies ever made.
Further, I will become a non-thinking pawn to Bush regime propaganda. I will believe everything that they say. I will not think. I will not question. I will not act. I will just sit back and wave my American flag that was made by slaves in communist China. I know now that only republicans are patriotic. I went to Walmart today to get a bunch of American flags and I made sure they were all made in China. But since everything in Walmart is made in China I didn't have to do much thinking. Yes republicans, thank you for allowing me to be a compassionate conservative republican.
To ensure that I can continue to be a compassionate conservative republican I have scheduled an appointment this week to have 99 percent of my brain removed. That will lower my IQ to that of a typical republican. After all, GW Bush can't read, write, or speak on a third grader's level so why should I have to think beyond that level?
Next, I will have almost all of my heart taken out because republicans don't seem to have any heart or feelings for any other human beings. That is proven by the fact that republicans are willing to spend unlimited amounts of our hard earned tax dollars to kill innocent people and destroy things, but not want to spend a dime to help people or to build things. Hell, it will be easier not having to care for anyone else. Yeee haaaa, it will be so easy being a republican!
Lastly, I will become a member of an "evangelical" or "fundamentalist" Christian cult where I will profess to follow in Jesus' footsteps but still be for the death penalty, be in favor of killing as many Muslims as possible, and I will blindly believe that President Bush is a Christian, just because he said he was, even though Bush has killed almost two thousand of our soldiers and tens of thousands of innocent Iraqis and Afghans. As a Christian I know that the commandment that states "Thou shalt not kill" doesn't apply to me and I can pick and choose which lines I want to live by in the Bible, like all the other Christians do. I will also misquote and pull lines out of context in the Bible to suit myself so I can condemn others who don't think or behave exactly like me.
As a typical fake republican "Christian" I will say things like "Nuke them all back to the stone age", "Kill all the towelheads", and "The only good Muslim is a dead Muslim". After all, as a "Christian" I know that anyone who isn't a Christian is less than human and will be doomed to hell so killing them is no sin. Oh yeah, I will watch every television evangelist there is, especially the child beating thug James Dobson, the homophobic Jerry Falwell, and the assassination proponent Pat Robertson. I will also give my credit card numbers to all of them and tell them to take as much of my money as they can. I will also Will my home and the rest of my property to Pat Robertson so he can continue to spew hatred and pray on the air for people to die.
Now where is that damned remote? Now that I am a compassionate conservative "Christian" republican I have a strong urge to watch wrestling, roller derby, Jerry Springer, Faux News, and violent cartoons.
Signed,
A Former Good American
Copyright 2005, LRolirad, All Rights Reserved
Note: The above is a satirical view of republicans and in no way is meant to paint all republicans with the same brush, although if rank-n-file republicans fail to speak out against corruption and evilness in their party they are just as guilty as their 'leaders'.
by Larry S. Rolirad
I became a compassionate conservative republican today. I went to a local republican congressman's office and they told me what I had to do to become a compassionate conservative republican. I now support the Iraq war and the killing of tens of thousands of innocent people. I now like to see people being killed. Since Bush is now talking about using nuclear weapons against terrorists I would love to see him use them against every suspected terrorist. I don't care if there will be millions of innocent people killed by the nuclear explosion with nuclear fallout contaminating the entire planet.
As a new republican I look forward to worshipping all of my republican 'leaders' who are being indicted for criminal wrongdoings. I love it when the leaders of the house and senate both get indicted. I also love it when the guy like Karl Rove, who is telling Bush what to say and do, will also get indicted for outing a CIA operative. I now believe that it is a far worse sin to have a private consensual sexual escapade than to be a traitor to our country. My standards of ethical behavior used to be very high but now I believe that if one of my republican leaders violates ethics rules that those rules should be changed to allow the leader to escape any responsibility, like Tom Delay.
I have enrolled in a republican class where I will be taught to be a hypocrite. After all, almost all republican 'leaders' are hypocrites and I want to follow in their footsteps. Take Bill Bennett, the self described morality saint who was caught with a multimillion dollar gambling habit. Yes, old Bill Bennett was an addict to gambling. And this is the same Bill Bennett who called for the abortion of all black fetuses in our country. Yeah, old Bill, the 'righteous' and 'pious' republican who routinely condemns democrats for being immoral is one of the most immoral thugs on the planet. Shades of Nazi Germany. Bill Bennett called for the genocide of blacks because they are an inferior race. Old Bill, is just like the Nazis who systematically slaughtered millions of Jews. And take GW Bush, the ultimate hypocrite who claims to be a "Christian" but his entire life is one of excess, fraud, theft, lies, and the murderer of 1943 American troops so far in Iraq and Afghanistan. While Bush was governor of Texas he presided over more inmate executions than all of the other states combined. And there were a lot of condemned inmates who never received a fair trial. But that didn't matter to Bush because he was only interested in votes. And lets not forget the republican leader of the House of Representatives, Tom Delay. He has been indicted twice, so far, for his criminal acts including money laundering and fraud. His crimes could net him a sentence of life in prison. Even that is too lenient of a penalty for the crimes he has committed against his fellow man, women, and children. Even the leader of the US Senate, Bill Frist, has been indicted for insider trading, a crime that put Martha Stewart in prison. Karl Rove, who performs the same function in the Bush Regime as Joseph Goebbels did in Nazi Germany, is very close to be indicted for outing a CIA agent, a treasonous crime that could put him in prison for 25 years. The list of hypocrites in the republican party is endless but it should be noted that everyone of Bush's cabinet should also be in prison for life for all deliberately lying to justify going to war against Iraq, a country which NEVER ONCE posed any threat to the United States. They are all directly guilty for the slaughter of 1944 of our troops, so far, and more than a hundred thousand innocent Iraqis and Afghans.
As a new compassionate conservative republican I now belittle and condemn people who are poor and in need like the Hurricane Katrina victims. Those victims deserve the misery they have, because they are all black, poor and democratic. I now condemn black people, because as a new compassionate conservative republican I know they are inferior and not completely human. I now look at them as 3/5 ths of a person like the good old days when only white men could vote or own land. Since republicans don't believe that judges should change the law blacks would still be slaves, blacks and women could not vote, and only white men could own land.
Since I became a compassionate conservative republican I now think that no one should help the poor. Let them starve. I now look at poor people as inferior because if they were worth anything they would have lots of money. I now disregard everything Jesus said about the poor, the needy, and the hungry. I now know by being a republican that Jesus was wrong about helping to feed and save people in great need. As a new compassionate conservative republican I now claim to be a Christian but yet not have to follow Jesus's philosophy of love and peace because all I have to do is claim that I'm a member of God's party. And like Bush, I will now claim that Jesus is my favorite philosopher. Hey, it got him millions of votes from the dupes who actually believed that nonsense.
I now believe that it is ok to satisfy my own greed and wants instead of spending time helping others, like Bush, who went to a republican fundraiser and played golf when the people in New Orleans were made homeless, were drowning, were suffering, and who were drowning. I now believe it is great to go fly fishing for three days while people were trying to keep from drowning as the water rose all around them. After all, that is what Dick Cheney did while people's lives were being destroyed by Hurricane Katrina. Dick Cheney even took another few days off to spend ten million of his Halliburton money to buy another mansion in Maryland, while he ignored the defenseless, the frail, they elderly, the sick, and the dying. I now feel it is good to just ignore the plight of others. After all, it would take away from my time being greedy.
Speaking of greed, I now believe that we should spend unlimited amounts of our treasury on the military, even if the money doesn't add one dime's worth of defense to our country. I believe that our soldiers in battle areas should have to buy their own armor to protect themselves, because that means corrupt republican companies can steal more money from our government. As a new republican I also believe it is the responsiblity of the parents of our troops to spend thousands of dollars out of their own pockets to buy armor like bulletproof vests to protect their own children. After all, the more money that comes out of the pockets of our troops and their parents means that more of our taxes can be stolen by corrupt and evil republican corporations, like Halliburton. Lastly, I believe that the widows and parents of soldiers who are killed in Bush's Wars should have to pay for their own body bags, caskets, and flags that are draped over them. I also believe that the widows and parents of soldiers Bush has murdered should have to pay to have their bodies flown home to their distraught families. Why should the taxpayers have to pay to return our dead soldiers? After all, republicans like to say that our dead soldiers 'enlisted' so it is their family's responsibility to have their dead sons and daughters returned.
I love being a compassionate conservative republican. Now, I only think of myself and no one else. After all, poor people are poor because they are all are drug addicts, bums, hobos, lazy, stupid, and generally useless. I now believe that only the wealthy have any worth as a person, because if a person has a lot of money that means they all worked very hard to get their money. I don't care that the facts state that 94 percent of the extremely wealthy inherited their money, like all of Sam Walton's deadbeat kids. Each one of them is worth 19 BILLION dollars. But, as a new republican, I know that those children of the Walmart founder had to work hard to squirm out of their mama's womb.
My fellow Americans, I now love being a compassionate conservative republican. As requested by most Bush supporters who have been critical of my past posts, I will immediately cease exercising my First Amendment rights. I will cease exercising my rights to assembly and to protest like that evil Cindy Sheehan did. As a republican I know that Mrs. Sheehan even if she did have her son killed in Bush's oil war she shouldn't have the right to protest. I will cease exercising my right to petition the government for any redress of grievances. I will also have the Bush regime review and edit all of my articles before I post them for public display. And by not exercising my rights guaranteed by our Constitution and Bill of Rights I know I will be hurting the terrorists by playing right into their hands.
I am also against having anymore elections. Since almost all of the votes that were counted in last year's election were done by paperless voting machines made by republican companies is there any doubt that republicans would win most of the elections? Those republican owned companies which made all of those voting machines refused to disclose the software code inside of the machines so it was easy to throw out millions of democratic votes, or count democratic votes as republican votes.. The companies which made those machines didn't have anything to worry about since there was no paper trail to worry about. They could put any corrupt software code they want to steal elections without being accountable. So since all elections are rigged anyway then why have them at all? Does anyone really believe that Bush won the 2004 election? Ha, ha, ha! LOL! LMFAO! In a lot of democratic precincts where people voted 95 percent for democrats in the past, Bush "won" those precincts last year. As a new republican I love corrupt companies running our elections. Besides, those democrats who voted shouldn't have their votes counted because they are all stupid anyway. Yeehaww. If we eliminate elections I won't have to be bothered with knowing anything about candidates or the issues. I will be able to use my mind trying to decide what show I want to watch on my television, like Jerry Springer and wrestling matches. Oh yeah, as a good 'family values' republican I will now start watching Hollywood's most violent movies many of which were made by such good republicans like violencemongers Arnold Swartzenegger and Chuck Norris, producers of the biggest body-count movies ever made.
Further, I will become a non-thinking pawn to Bush regime propaganda. I will believe everything that they say. I will not think. I will not question. I will not act. I will just sit back and wave my American flag that was made by slaves in communist China. I know now that only republicans are patriotic. I went to Walmart today to get a bunch of American flags and I made sure they were all made in China. But since everything in Walmart is made in China I didn't have to do much thinking. Yes republicans, thank you for allowing me to be a compassionate conservative republican.
To ensure that I can continue to be a compassionate conservative republican I have scheduled an appointment this week to have 99 percent of my brain removed. That will lower my IQ to that of a typical republican. After all, GW Bush can't read, write, or speak on a third grader's level so why should I have to think beyond that level?
Next, I will have almost all of my heart taken out because republicans don't seem to have any heart or feelings for any other human beings. That is proven by the fact that republicans are willing to spend unlimited amounts of our hard earned tax dollars to kill innocent people and destroy things, but not want to spend a dime to help people or to build things. Hell, it will be easier not having to care for anyone else. Yeee haaaa, it will be so easy being a republican!
Lastly, I will become a member of an "evangelical" or "fundamentalist" Christian cult where I will profess to follow in Jesus' footsteps but still be for the death penalty, be in favor of killing as many Muslims as possible, and I will blindly believe that President Bush is a Christian, just because he said he was, even though Bush has killed almost two thousand of our soldiers and tens of thousands of innocent Iraqis and Afghans. As a Christian I know that the commandment that states "Thou shalt not kill" doesn't apply to me and I can pick and choose which lines I want to live by in the Bible, like all the other Christians do. I will also misquote and pull lines out of context in the Bible to suit myself so I can condemn others who don't think or behave exactly like me.
As a typical fake republican "Christian" I will say things like "Nuke them all back to the stone age", "Kill all the towelheads", and "The only good Muslim is a dead Muslim". After all, as a "Christian" I know that anyone who isn't a Christian is less than human and will be doomed to hell so killing them is no sin. Oh yeah, I will watch every television evangelist there is, especially the child beating thug James Dobson, the homophobic Jerry Falwell, and the assassination proponent Pat Robertson. I will also give my credit card numbers to all of them and tell them to take as much of my money as they can. I will also Will my home and the rest of my property to Pat Robertson so he can continue to spew hatred and pray on the air for people to die.
Now where is that damned remote? Now that I am a compassionate conservative "Christian" republican I have a strong urge to watch wrestling, roller derby, Jerry Springer, Faux News, and violent cartoons.
Signed,
A Former Good American
Copyright 2005, LRolirad, All Rights Reserved
Note: The above is a satirical view of republicans and in no way is meant to paint all republicans with the same brush, although if rank-n-file republicans fail to speak out against corruption and evilness in their party they are just as guilty as their 'leaders'.
