Baghdad - Life moves on....just.

Then last night sat at home watching the footage I shot and there was a huge explosion, shook the whole hotel, nearly lost the windows, never heard anything like it before in my life, you prob saw it on the news. Jumped straight in a car and was at the scene within 5 minutes of the blast. Fucking chaos and carnage, narrow street with Lebanon Hotel on one side, residential houses on other, fronts gone, destroyed, cars ablaze, fire all around me, people running round screaming and shouting, rubble everywhere, filmed it all but kept asking myself 'what the fuck am I doing here'? Surrounded by burning cars either side of me just a few feet away, thinking they could go up again at any moment, but for some reason I stayed amongst all the danger filming. If I was a journalist I'd say the footage I got was fantastic, but it wasn't fantastic at all, it was fucking horrible. Felt very angry, very sad, was lost for words.
The Americans are saying it was a car bomb, but the crater was huge, and everybody I have spoken to who was there has said it was in fact a missile (tho nobody could say they had actually seen it). The hotel hit was occupied mainly by Iraqis and Egyptians. Why would resistance target it? Who knows? Like I said, lots of people think it was in fact a missile, from a helicopter (and we all know who has the helicopters) that missed its target, i.e. the hotel behind the Lebanon Hotel which is the base for Al Jazeera.
Went back today to get some footage in daylight, press and US troops everywhere. As we were leaving a bulldozer was bought in, so any forensics/evidence that could have been there will be rendered useless. I have no idea what really happened, and only those that carried out the attack really know. Maybe it wasn't a missile and the Americans are right, it was a car bomb, but it would have to be a fucking big one to do that much damage and leave such a huge crater. And if it was a car bomb maybe it went off prematurely on its way elsewhere as I really cannot think why the Lebanon Hotel would have been the target. Who knows? What I do know is people were killed for no good reason.
Was probably the most traumatic experience of my life being there at the epicentre minutes after the blast, I was definitely going through shock this morning. The 1st bomb in the afternoon that was near me was fuck all in comparison. Kept thinking I should just get on a plane and come home. Have a feeling the next few days are going to be bad as we are approaching the anniversary of the start of the 'war'.
Feeling a bit better now tho, the shock has diminished and Jo and I went out to do some filming as I just couldnt sit around replaying last night over in my mind. We went down to the square where they pulled down Saddam's statue and took some shots of us wearing our 'Fuck Bush' T shirts, standing in front of the pillar where Saddam's statue once was.
Dont worry about me, I'm fine, just a bit shaken. But life will never be quite the same.