Deal inked for 2nd Season of “Democracy in… Iraq.”

By PAUL KINCAID JAMIESON

(January 27 2005 pkj.ca)

Washington and Baghdad were all atwitter when the screening of the season two premiere of “Democracy in…. Iraq” played to a packed house at the Pentagon Cinema. There was hardly a dry eye in the house, either from laughter, or from joy. This looks like the break out season starter that the Network and the producers had been looking for.

Getting this show on the road has taken some doing, and not since Apocalypse Now has there been such buzz about a show that has gone over budget, over schedule, and over the heads of most of the audience.

But it’s all looking good now. Thanks to the skilful wonks inside the White House. There looks to be a resurrection of The George in this new season. In fact, if video tape is anything to go by, it looks like his re-inauguration last week was a big hit, and grabbed it’s market share by the halo and is prepared to hang on for the ride.

The cast of “Democracy in…” has been shaken up going into this second season. We see some old faces leaving, and some other old faces, who were in supporting roles last season, being bumped up into more demanding roles.

This could be a challenge both for the writers and the performers themselves. Not to put too fine a point on it, but the claws and saucers of milk were out the other day when Condi Rice was pitched to fill the slot of evacuating Sec State Colin “look-at-my-anthrax-vial” Powell.

There have been those who’ve lambasted the Riced-One for her lacklustre performance during the first season of “Democracy in…”, but in all fairness her scenes were badly written, and now she’ll be helming the State Department Condi can rest assured that she will be getting all the ace material she can handle.

Critics and audiences have been agog at the way The George has parlayed his talent into this behemoth of boffo box office. Going up to 300 bill and beyond, the “Democracy in …” franchise is all set to explode in this second season.

Insiders say that the producers are thinking about a whole direction for the hot commodity and are wanting to take “Democracy in …” into brand new markets.

This is a bold strategy. It worked for “Survivor” but not for “Big Brother.” One only hopes that they haven’t bitten off more than they can chew!

And speaking of taking a bite out of the reality show glut, one thing is for sure, there is never a want for people willing to get some screen time; just look at the success of “American Idol.”

Only yesterday 31 Marines and a sailor took a dive into the western desert of Iraq, and you can be sure that although Simon Calloway might have something snarky to say about their performance, you can bet your bottom dinar that for the folks helming “Democracy in …” there’ll be some good “grieving family members” pop-ups and studio tear-fests to pluck from this latest coup.

“Onwards and downwards into the spiralling maw of total chaos and misery,” could be the unofficial slogan at the “Democracy in …Iraq” HQ. But, after all, that’s what keeps the ratings so high and tent-poled the Network through the last November Sweeps. The “other” Network had been trying to dust off it’s old “Exit Strategy” concept, but in the end it got only lukewarm praise from the viewers, and when the Neilson beancounters were through, it was the gang at “Democracy in…” who got the nod. “Four more years, four more years…”

Looking inside the success of the show a lot of the heavy lifting falls to The George. His trademark blank stare and gappy pauses have delighted and intrigued audiences around the world, but in this second season he has gotten off to a brilliant start with a whole new direction.

Everyone praised his “Bring ‘em on” line, and it could be heard from food courts to prison yards across the nation. A whole “bring ‘em on” merchandise deal was rumoured to be in the works when legal complications and the rising death toll made it seem passé, and a new catch phrase was needed. “Freedom is the Almighty’s gift to humanity” is popular enough right now, but still too long to fit comfortably on a T-shirt or a foam beer jacket. Understandably, pressure is on the writers to come up with a snappy line to rival last seasons’ famous, “significant quantities of uranium from Africa”, or the explosive hit, “We don’t want the smoking gun to come in the form of a mushroom cloud.”

Viewers who may have missed the initial episodes from the first season need to do some catching up, so here’s a quick refresher.

In the two hour pilot, which aired in November of 2000 and ran in repeats for several weeks, The George was seen battling to get his series on the air. The ratings were never that conclusive, but then in a strange twist of never seen before reality, the FCC stepped in and in a tribute to knowing quality when they saw it, kept The George on the air.

The first season started out as a bit of a black-hole ratings wise, and many viewers started to drop out. Something big, muscular, and audacious had to be done to get The George back on top. The usual dog and pony show of a celebrity wedding, or perhaps even a coma were bandied about, but nothing was really going to work unless it had the element of true drama, and in reality TV nothing says “truth” like a massively staged and carefully orchestrated set-piece to occur in prime time.

This was a bold move. Everyone old enough to have a hip replacement remembers the days of live TV in the fifties. Anything could happen, and often did! Well, setting their druthers aside the producers opted for a script that they had been shopping around for some years. Over at the Project for a New American Century the writing crew of Paul Wolfowitz, Douglas Feith, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld and the rest, had been trying for ages to get somebody interested in their property. It looked like this was one doggie that was going to stay in the window. Until that is, The George finally got the green light. The old Project for a New American Century storyline was, dusted off, spray tanned, and given a botox smile. There was excitement in high places, cos this was the ratings rocket the producers had been angling for since January 2001.

This extra-special live episode of The George required a lot of extras casting, and the roles finally went, after some initial debate, to a group of he-hunks from Saudi Arabia. These guys were all unknowns in their homelands, but most of them had been making names for themselves in Germany with the local talent scouts, and even FBI star watchers had been on the trail of these Arab bad boys while they made their new homes in the US. The producers were concerned that the cat might get out of the bag, and nothing blows a ratings coup like pre-air leaks. Even when Condi made her appearance with a memo in August saying that the top villain was going to make a cameo soon, the news was kept under wraps by the PR paladins over at the Network. Nothing was going to blow this moment.

And out of a clear September sky who could have believed the ratings bonanza that followed.

It was at that point that everyone in the country, and indeed the planet wide viewing audience, came to know and love The George and the new direction the show was taking. Suddenly, with this new story idea and the retitling of the show to “The Global War on Terror” there was something that everyone could sink their teeth into.

The packaging of the show took many forms over that first run. First there was “Democracy in… Afghanistan.” This plot line wrapped itself up way too soon, and the producers were left scratching their heads over what to do with the contract for the big baddie. He’d been locked into a secure deal that guaranteed him points off the back end, and a one percent share in the gross. There was no way the Network was going to let this golden goose get out of the frying pan. The producers finally figured out a way to keep his character alive, and now he has topped the charts with a series of internet releases that have found their way onto the i-Pods of anyone even a little jihad-savvy. Watch for him to make a splash sometime in the second season. Regular viewers of “Democracy in…” know that when the ratings start to sag the big baddie always releases a new single that shoots immediately to number one.

After the full market press and total ratings sweep of “Democracy in… Afghanistan” the Network read the tea leaves and saw that the audience was there for something really big. So the decision came to expand the franchise, and half way through the first season came “Democracy in… Iraq.” Right from the get go this was going to be da cluster bomb that would take The George to new heights of popularity and even global acclaim.

Fans and critics alike poured onto the streets of all the world’s cities to let The George know how deeply ran their love for the “Democracy in…” series. In the history of television there has never been such spontaneous fan support for a show. Not even the campaign to save “Cagney and Lacey” matched the steady swelling solidarity of viewers around the world.

Well, it doesn’t take a rocket surgeon to figure out when you’re riding a winner use the whip.
In the Emmy sweeping episode “Shock and Awe,” the special effects crews were kept up for days as they sprinkled Baghdad with showers of twinkling glitter and billowing gouts of flame. Not since the implosion of the Stardust has so much energy been unleashed to raze the dead dreams of a mobster’s paradise. Hundreds of extras were on set during the shooting of that episode, and some accidents occurred. But not even the deaths of a few hundred walk-ons could dampen the wild-fire ratings that followed. When the numbers came in it was confirmed, “Democracy in … Iraq” was a boiler plate hit!

Keeping the show fresh has always presented obstacles to the writers, but again, thanks to the naïve need to appear on TV there has never been a lack of star-struck wannabes eager to try their chops in prime time. Professional companies of performers were the first to be used for the “Democracy in…” franchise, but the Industry, being the impatient mistress that it is, always requires new faces, and so amateur and part-time actors were called upon in vast numbers to fill the chorus roles. Once cast in demanding parts some of these weekend-thespians complained that they had no idea how hard it would be. They weren’t ready to work the long hours, their trailers weren’t heated, and the extras cast as Iraqis hated them. Well, we say, “Suck it up Jennifer, there’s plenty more out here willing to take your place if your head gets blown off, or you start having nightmares…” To be on “Democracy in….”? I know it’s my dream come true. Sign me up!

Since the beginning of “Democracy in … Iraq” we have gotten to see a lot of new faces. Some of them have gone on to star in short lived spin-offs like the hilarious “Double Amputee” , or the side splitting “Hanged in Parent’s Basement.” But rest assured, there will be more. Lots more.

Nowadays our TV’s are splattered day and night with the faces of these new kids on the chopping block. And what makes the “Democracy in…” series so spectacular are the heights of realism it soars to. The producers really must have deep pockets when it comes to adding those details that just shriek believability.

Legless, armless, and hideously burned bodies. Screaming women, children drenched in blood, massive explosions, and gunfire, gunfire, gunfire!

Rumours had it that Keifer Sutherland turned down a recurring role in “Democracy in… Iraq” because of a scheduling conflict with his hyper hit 24. But, no worries there, for there are always a new group of eager fresh-faced kids wanting to get some major chronic camera time with their guts hanging out, or crying over the body of a dead buddy.

Getting a face-to-face with the production team of “Democracy in…” is a hard task. In fact, just last week a group of parents whose kids had been used as body-bag-fillers in “Democracy in … Iraq” tried to get a sit down with casting director Donald Rumsfeld, but they were told that he was busy trying to get the leads together for this new season’s storyline.

If that’s true, we all have something wonderful to look forward to.

Spin-off series “Israel” has been doing difficult box-office as some viewers are tiring of the endless “Three’s Company” mistaken identity plots and the never ending sort of violence that never has an upside to it.

In fact, word has it that a lot of viewers, especially those in Europe, or with a pulse, are beginning to root for the perennial underdogs, the Palestinians. That has been perplexing the writers of “Israel” for the past few seasons, and though they have tried to introduce some new plot twists like the Separation Barrier, or the massive home demolition programme, nothing seems to be really firing. But, rest assured, for you few die-hard viewers of “Israel” the Network is locked in to a multi-year deal, and even The George considers himself the shows number one fan. He used to root for the Roadrunner too! Meep! Meep!

Looking forward into this second season of “Democracy in…” we also see that The George is getting a makeover. Though less Queer Eye than maybe Caligula, the King of Crawford is now set to throne himself as Emperor of the World. Whether or not he will want the planet’s six billion to bow down and worship him as a God is another thing, but rest assured, he doesn’t really care! That’s what makes him the toast of the water cooler, and the loveable scamp the world has come to fear.

At his recent re-crowning in Washington The George gave his best performance yet, thanks to the show’s talented writing staff and the special guest director. The old plot line of “The War on Terror” has been replaced with “The War on Tyranny” and though The George isn’t going to upset any borscht carts by going after Russia, or any rice bowls by going after China, or any oil barrels by going after Saudi Arabia, he does have his eyes firmly locked on…. Can you guess? Insiders whisper to me that it looks like that sullen temptress of the Gulf, our old friend Iran.

For regular viewers of “Democracy in…” this second season is sure to supply even more twists and surprises than the first season. There is already in the works plans to take the US into some sort of strange New Dark Age, where only Christian Evangelicals get to do what they want, and they will then attempt to impose their bizarre interpretation of the Bible not only on America, but on the entire world.

As a kick off to the second season, the producers and the Network have come together to wrap up the “Democracy in …. Iraq” angle. This might come as a shock to some die-hards, but don’t worry, cos this second season is set to see “Democracy in…” spread to every one of the 146 countries in the world!

For the finale of “Democracy in…. Iraq” the producers have come up with an absolute show stopper! An election, to be held this Sunday. Now, insider buzz is that perennial scene stealer Abu Musab al Zarqawi and his crew might stage an appearance during the election episode. So, set your VCRs and TIVO to “stunning.” Anything can happen! One thing is for sure though, love it or hate it, “Democracy in….” is here to stay!

All that’s left for you to do is microwave some Orvilles, and save me a seat! Nail biting tension, side splitting laughs, and the possible end of life as we know it. God, some call it reality TV. I call it heaven!