The British Government is to ban IndieMedia Ireland, after it displayed a graphic photo of Martin McGuinness shamelessly electioneering to be President of Ireland.As soon as the photo was made public, Indiemedia Ireland was inundated with thousands of complaints. One caller’s views were typical: “I had just sat down in front of my computer screen with all of my family and suddenly the screen was filled with this massive prick saying he wanted to be President of Ireland. He said his name was Martin McGuinness and there was no warning, he wasn’t even pixelated. My grandmother who used to be a Methodist could have been watching, but thankfully she died several years ago.”



As the number of complaints climbed to over a billion, a spokesperson for Indiemedia Ireland announced that it would be taking action. “This photograph is utterly obscene. I’ve never seen anything like it, with pixels and pixels of counts all over it and as for the Indiemedia Ireland, its just has a collection of counts who allowed to contribute. We simply can’t see any justification for there being that number of countts in one place so we have no option but to recommend to the British Government that Indiemedia Ireland be closed down.”



Tonight, as Indiemedia Ireland logged its ten billionth complaint from a tribesman in South Armagh, Indiemedia Ireland remained defiant. In Dublin when asked to vote for it a lady standing in a newsagent's complained of the posters of McGuinness as decidedly obscene. She glanced at it and threw it back at the British Sinn Fein canvasser, exclaiming: "That's disgusting muck". Fianna Fail has asked its Soldiers of Destiny to occupy England and Buckingham Palace where McGuinness normally works as the Queen's groom of the Stool.



Originally the title Groom of the Stool referred to the stool of whoever the person served. So for example the Muck Guinness title who became Queen Lizzie's Arselicker. Sometimes it refers to the long trailing robe of the Queen from the Latin stola, which Muck Guinness is obliged as her first deputy to carry around Ireland after the Queen's visit when he becomes pPresident. It is believed that Muck Guinness as holder of the position during the next Queen's visit will become a senior Lord of the Bedchamber or Prince-consort of the Queen's Man of the Robes. He will be officially known as Lord Muck of Londonderry after his City of Culture.



While modernism is censored in Indiemedia Ireland, postmodernism creeps in through their rather large back door unnoticed. The discussion of where modemism ended and postmodernism begins is an irrelevant one with regard to Ireland, as result of censors like Indiemedia Ireland. Like the un-ethical IndieIreland domain, prostituted as British resistance to the nativist hegemony of post-colonial, catholic Ireland which unlike Joyce or Beckett, O'Brien never left Ireland, and so his strategies of silence, exile and punning are, by necessity, of a different order. As a writer whose exile was interior, O'Brien's post- modernist fiction-"the edge of pure silence or pwe noise"-might usefully be explored in the context of its relationship to Indiemedia Ireland's censorship of anything remotely progressive or Irish.



As the media storm around British saturation of the Irish media continues after Indiemedia Ireland's agent, PC Mark Kennedy, who had the fake identity of Mark Stone the ripples of British subterfuge and sordid sexual activities with Indiemedia Ireland members, has left the Indiemedia Ireland community, with a particularly bad taste in their mouths. Bur other activists maintain that, “We have always assumed from very early on, that it had been infiltrated by the Brits but that didn’t worry us, because we have nothing to hide. It has now been revealed that Mark Kennedy was far from being the only British agent to penetrate Indiemedia outlets such as Indiemedia Ireland.”



Michael D Higgins one of the very few respected Irish Labour party elected politicians, who is a Prsidential candidate demanded an explanation from Britain as to why its undercover policemen were operating in the Irish republic. He seems to be the only Irish politician who realizes the significance of Britain's criminal activity in the Irish media although it is not clear if he was referring to any or several of his opponents in the presidential race

"This kind of activity is totally unacceptable … There are many of us who are familiar with the destructive consequences, in terms of democracy, that have flowed from this kind of activity from the 1970s on in relation to Northern Ireland," said Higgins.



A recording of one particular threesome sex session, involving British agents in Dublin has unearthed some bizarre outbursts. One agent is heard to crudely exclaim on tape, "No Indy f***** turned up for my free for all fist fight in the park on Thursday. Pussies, the fucking lot of them, all they can do is gang bang. Some of them counts complained that they couldn't make it because they were working. They couldn't take the fucking afternoon off the gobshites."



While on another recording an Indiemedia writer is heard eulogisze the Orange Order, with, "How about William of Orange and his entourage of 18,000 which virtually took over England. They said "Willie please please come and give us a good seeing to, we cant rule ourselves." to which he replied "listen you peasant bastards, you're working for us now and and thats that". So the clever Orangies built all the preety castles and the Anglos shovelled the shit for them. They'd take it off for a spot of anal though."



Later on in the tape one of the British agents in the Irish Presidential Election is heard to coarsely shout, "and I hate wearing condoms I'm sad to say. It's like fucking a crisp packet." In another tape, the orgy between the British agents and the Irish media including Indiemedia Ireland, one Indiemedia writer is heard to refer to the Presidential election as, "Ireland's Biggest Gang Bang ." Further conversations are littered with remarks like, "Ladyboys", " anal threesomes and Occupy England."