Bleeding-Heart hippies and liberals have today been found to be worrying far too much about things that don't really matter.

In a groundbreaking study carried out by the University of Badminton, Professor Hugo Shrive concluded the reseach as follows:

"Hippies, liberals, left-wingers and bleeding-heart do-gooders are well known worriers, often to the detriment of the causes that they're worrying about. Our research has today concluded that their worrying is counter-productive, and that they would be much better off just going home, watching a bit of TV and having a nice glass of wine. Supporting causes such as 'Smash Facism', the 'Anti Nazi League' and other leftie organsiations has been proven to be a total waste of time".

Whilst the reseach is likely to prove controversial amongst soap-dodgers and dreadlocked morons everywhere, it is backed up by considerable amounts of common sense. Worrying about things, especially those that don't really matter or that won't impact anyone (see causes above) causes the worrier to stop washing, drop out of society, become concerned for the environment and listen to The Levellers.

Professor Shrive summed up the solution: "Get a proper job, start voting Tory and shop in Waitrose. It'll be much, much better for everyone. And stop worrying. Just watch sport on TV at the weekend, like everyone else. Or go to the park. Leave the roll-up cigs and self-righteousness at home you filthy, filthy proles'.

Ends.