Although some six months in the planning, the actual bid came as a shock to shareholders, who have seen the value of their stocks plummet to depression era levels. Many had tried to get confirmation of the move from the company executive, but were told by senior management that the company was powerless to stop the bid.

IMCUK, the industry’s governing body, was keeping its cards close to its chest, with no spokesperson available for comment. The Industry Union, however, issued a brief statement on behalf of workers.

“We do not condone the storm trooper tactics of these Private Equity Financiers. They are impossible to negotiate with on account of you never know who you’re actually dealing with. It makes it very difficult for our members to have any confidence in the future of the company, or to feel any security in their own jobs and lives.”

Without announcement, Antitfa began a run of speculation on numerous subsidiary Threads, whilst fiercely rejecting calls for a review by the Political Monopoly Commission. Said one Antitfa Official, “We don’t give a f### what these muther f###ers do. We’re havin’ it, an’ that’s final!” Then, in a nod to Kelvin McKenzie, proclaimed, “Got ‘em!” after an unprovoked attack on two skinheads who were, incidentally, moving away from the Monocultural Ethnic Divide.

Recent years had seen relative stability in the markets, with sporadic incidents proving a pale reflection of eras past – it is believed by industry insiders that this marks a significant swing towards militant actions by many activists who had felt themselves redundant in a pro active environment. In a worrying nod towards radical extremism, “No Pastrani!”’s debut Editorial confirmed – “We will kill them on the beaches, we will kill them where they live! And if needs be, we’ll use Zyclon, too!”