Porn and empathy
Black Preacher | 28.05.2007 21:50 | Analysis | Gender | Globalisation
“I have been lucky in my life. Although I have made many mistakes and hurt people (and hurt myself) in sexual relationships by being selfish or unaware, I have also been able to feel that connection, that sense of really knowing and trusting another person. As I look back and sort through my life, I realize that the sexual experiences that meant something to me were the ones in which I really wanted to experience that sense of being with another person - of truly being close in a way that is difficult to describe but wonderful to feel.
Not everyone is so lucky, especially the women who are used and hurt in the sex industry and through sexual violence. When we think about what we want sexually, it's important for us to be honest, to go beyond the macho talk and discuss our emotional needs. But even more important, we have to remember that our sexual behaviour has consequences for other people.”
- Robert Jensen, from an article entitled; sex, sexual violence, and the sex industry.
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Does the pornography industry deserve wider critical scrutiny by globalization/leftist critics, and humanitarians?
After contemplation… it depends. It depends on if you think the question that is the basis of my dislike and critique of the porn industry (especially the increasing popular ’gonzo’ genre) is important or not. It is a question that was awakened in me by my ex-girlfriend, and by anti-porn protestors oneangrygirl, bitingbeaver, Stan Goff, Shelly Lubben, and Robert Jensen.
The question is; Why would a women allow or desire herself to be distressed and/or dominated and/or humiliated and/or objectified and/or commodified for money, and the sexual gratification of strangers?
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I find a porn review site called "Pornliving" there, in which there is a menu of pornographic categories, which lists Amateur (which closer inspection reveals is not exactly true, since these are capitalist ventures), Anal, Asian, Big Tits, Black Girls, Black on White, Blow Jobs, Celebrity, Fetish, Gothic, Hardcore, Latina, Lesbian (in which none of the shaven, siliconed women featured bear the least resemblance to the lesbians I know), Live, Mature, Multiple Models, Pantyhose, Pornstar, Single Model, Soft Core, Teens, Video. In case the blatant racist-sexism of some of these categories or the dehumanization and objectification of women as body parts fails to even bump one's outrage meter, a peek inside any one of the many sites listed typically describes key forms of sexual action (which is the commodity) _ like ejaculating in women's faces, stretching their anuses with various and often damaging forms of penetration, and gagging them during fellatio _ and the vast majority of these sites refer to women in terms like cum-hungry slut, nasty little bitch, etc.
- Stan Goff, from an article entitled; The porn debate
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I believe on a subtle level porn teaches us to separate sex and empathy. I believe it teaches us that sex is primarily about our own pleasure, and reduces it to at best physiological pleasure, and at worst egoistic pleasure. Usually we are sat at in front of a screen masturbating with little to no concern of the context that led the performers to engage in such acts. Regardless if the context is positive or negative we don’t know either way, and self-evidently are unconcerned judging by the little public inquiry or criticism into the porn industry.
If I truly felt cared for the performers long-term emotional well-being wouldn’t I be concerned with her motivations for being a ‘performer‘? Her emotional well-being, and self-esteem? Her economic and social circumstances?
If I feel empathy for the performer the above questions - in my opinion - are basic ones that I feel have I to inquire and attempt to find possible and probable answers to. If I had to go by my past experience based on friendships and relationships with girls/women who were extremely promiscuous, and sexually ‘adventurous’ (shall we say), I’d have to guess that they have some ‘issues’, low self-esteem, and unfortunate circumstances behind them.
I believe if we individually and collectively are going to contemplate why someone desires to be labelled and presented as a ’cum-drinking slut’ for money, we cannot take the manufactured image of the performer, and late night ’documentaries’ provided by porn corporations as the only means of assessment. We need to look at meaningful and genuine communication with/from current and past porn performers, we need to look at ’warts and all’ research into the porn industry. However most of all - and first of all - we need to introspect, and acknowledge that the same humanity (light) that is within the women we love and respect - and the basis of why we love and respect them - is within porn performers.
To paraphase Robert Jensen; This culture tends to talk about sex in terms of heat: Who’s hot, what kind of sex is hot. What if we shifted to a language of light? Sex not as something that produces heat, but something that shines light. Can we talk about moving toward the light? The light that is inside me and inside you. The same light that is inside porn performers.
The light that inspires emotional intimacy, kindness, empathy, intelligence, creativity, emotional sensitivity, etc. The light that inspires breathtaking art, meaningful communication, life-long friendships, romance, and a mother’s love. The same light that is inside porn performers.
Are we in touch with the light within us when we are masturbating to a women being penetrated orally, anally, and vaginally at the same time? When we are masturbating to a women being called profane and derogatory names? When we are masturbating to a women having multiple men simultaneously ejaculate into her mouth and onto her face? When we view a women - whose past, emotional well being, and economic/social circumstances are unknown to us - engage in sex acts with strangers for money, and our sexual gratification?
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“When I ask men who are sex addicts if they would want their wife or daughter to be in porn, 100 percent say, 'No.’ They want it to be somebody else's wife or daughter. They know this material is damaging."
-Dr. Mary Anne Layden
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I dislike porn so much because it is an industry where it seems exploitation, humiliation and degradation of the workers is what the product is based around.
Increasing popular ’gonzo’ porn teaches us that it is ok to derive pleasure from another’s psychological/physiological/physical distress, or that another’s distress doesn’t matter - which destroys the foundation of empathy - an internal desire to see others happy, and well treated - and sadness at the unhappiness, and mistreatment of others.
The values, acts, descriptive text, and ’themes’ in popular porn are centred around appealing to either a callous lust in men (that doesn’t care about distress), or a malevolent lust (that derives pleasure from distress). In some scenes in porn it is clear - verbally and physically - that the women is in physical/emotional pain and discomfort - and is having a hard time dealing with what is happening - but that however doesn’t stop many men from regularly climaxing to the scenes. In some videos and sites female discomfort is the theme, and camera shots are centred around showing their distress physically (stretched asshole), physiologically (gagging), psychologically (facial expression).
Maybe that is one reason why some men I talk to react with blank stares, or brush aside questioning the circumstances in which the women made their decision to be in porn. If they are masturbating to scenes centred around - basically - dehumanization, and a lowered status of the female in the scene - then why would they feel a strong drive internally for empathy towards the performer?
We may grow, disregard porn, and enter meaningful, and loving relationships in which we treat our partners with empathy, reverence, and respect, but only after we have fed an industry that is increasing based around treating women in the opposite way. Do we acknowledge that behind the ‘fantasy’ that we previously derived pleasure from, that someone in reality was being treated in a way that we wouldn’t dream of treating - or want someone else to treat - the females in our lives that we know, respect, and love? If we do not acknowledge that then any sense of empathy we have for women doesn’t extend to female porn performers. Should we be less concerned with the well-being of the female porn performer than we are of the females we love and respect, or the ones we associate with at work, and in our communities?
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"No, it's not degrading to that woman to crawl around on the ground wearing a collar and drinking milk from a bowl before 4 men fall upon her and fuck her in every available orifice. On a completely unrelated note, that show "Bumfights" you know, where they paid those homeless guys 50$ to fistfight, is so totally wrong!"
"We need Pornography to help men let out a little bit of harmless sexual energy; otherwise, they'd go around indiscriminately raping and murdering hapless women like the uncontrollable disgusting beasts they are, no, I promise, that wasn't a threat!".
"Nobody gets hurt in producing pornography, all the women who say they were hurt are lying, and all the women who say they loved having cocks shoved up their asses are telling the 100% gods honest truth! On a completely unrelated note I know my wife is orgasming when she screams her head off during sex!"
"Pornography is empowering to the girls in it! They get paid for it after all! On a completely unrelated note my boss offered me a 50 cent pay raise because now he wants me to clean the toilets too! Doesn't he see how fucking degrading that is?!"
- bitingbeaver.blogspot.com, from an article entitled; the asshole list
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I believe that porn viewing helps to foster in men a callousness towards women in sexual matters. I believe consistent viewing of women presented as acutely subservient, amorous, and experimental helps to - at least - sanction sexual callousness, or - at worst - helps to cultivate it. In regards to a lack of sexual empathy and callousness in men: How many of us men ask permission before we enter a woman? How many of us have tried to talk around a woman who initially said “no” into having sex (maybe you succeeded)? If you are one of those men (like me), why was her initial “no” not respected? And - back to the theme of this article - have you watched porn and perceived by the facial expression of the woman that they were in distress? If so why did you stop viewing?
Am I rid of the inclinations of callous, or malevolent lust… No. Looking at the websites to get texts for anti-porn articles, I was physically aroused by the pictures and texts. That arousal however is not a part of me that I want to cultivate, or act upon. Unfortunately 8 years of regularly viewing porn where women were subservient to men’s desires, and based around humiliation, degradation, objectification, and distress has jaded my subconscious empathy for women in porn ie. I could see the women was in distress and it had no effect on declining my physical arousal. I personally began watching porn when I was 13 with friends, and through my own self created suffering developed many of the negative consequences derived from frequent porn use that is reported in laboratory research. I now spend a great deal of time and energy trying to neutralize and rid myself of the effects pornography has had on my sexuality - ultimately, my humanity.
As the modern bible says; ‘you reap what you sow‘. Why do we sow negative inclinations - like lowering the status of others to elevate ourselves - into the fabric of our sexuality?
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“It's safe to say most women who turn to porn acting as a money-making enterprise, probably didn't grow up in healthy childhoods either. Indeed, many actresses admit they've experienced sexual abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse and neglect by parents. Some were raped by relatives and molested by neighbours. When we were little girls we wanted to play with dollies and be mommies, not have big scary men get on top of us. So we were taught at a young age that sex made us valuable. The same horrible violations we experienced then, we relive through as we perform our tricks for you in front of the camera. And we hate every minute of it. We're traumatized little girls living on anti-depressants, drugs and alcohol acting out our pain in front of YOU who continue to abuse us. “
- Shelly Lubben, former porn performer
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Oneangrygirl answering popular pro-porn arguments;
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Robert Jensen (touching articles regarding pornography and it‘s effects on sexuality);
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Bitingbeaver rants about pornography;
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Favourite articles;
A Cruel edge by Robert Jensen;
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You are what you eat by Robert Jensen;
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Bitingbeaver’s regarding her past porn use;
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Shelley Lubben, addressing what happens on porn sets;
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Did you like the movie the people vs. Larry Flynt?;
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Stoff Goff addressing pro-sex industry leftists;
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Black Preacher
Homepage:
http://www.antiwar.com
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