The Queen, her Government, Parliament, the Police, the Clergy, the Armed Forces, the Law and Judges of the Courts Thereof, the Media, the Directors and Chairmen of Corporations and Banks and All Professionall SERVICES Therelike shall be brought LOW and All Those Who are Low, nay, UNDERGROUND, the Immigrants (which shall Include ALL THOSE whose Ancestors have come from OVERSEAS within the last One Hundred Years), Political Agitators, Protestors, Demonstrators, Queers, the Unemployed, the Poor, the Brown Skinned, Teenagers, Those With Beards, Weirdos and Hippies shall be brought HIGH for THIS ONE DAY and Crowned Lords and Ladies and Weirdos of MISRULE!

In RIGHTEOUS HONOUR of Foolishness, the Right Honourable Members of Parliament have Passed a Special Law That Shall Be Henceforth Known As The SERIOUS ORGANISED CRIME AND POLICE ACT 2005. The Police and Judges and Lawyers of the Courts of This Land HAVE AGREED to pretend to ARBITRARILY arrest and charge any LOW PERSON for setting foot, maliciously blowing their nose or DEMONSTRATING Anything Whatsoever on the Hallowed Ground Which Forms the Distance of One Kilometre Around Parliament so that All May Have A Good Laugh Indeed. The Right Honourable Members of Parliament and of the Government of Her MAJESTY the Queen HEREBY PROMISE to GO FURTHER this FIRST Day of April of the Year of Our Lord 2006 by EXTENDING this law to MILIATARY BASES Throughout This Land of the United Kingdom and Its Minions and Terriertories. FURTHER, they Shall Also Set Up a NEW AGENCY which shall go by the name of THE SERIOUS ORGANISED CRIME AGENCY which shall parody with GREAT MIRTH and HILARIOUSNESS the HOMELAND SECURITY AGENCY and FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION which adorn the GRATE AND EXPANSIVE lands of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, Blessings Be Upon Her.

The Aforementioned Body Shall Be GIVEN HEAD by: Sir Stephen Lander, as Chair, Elizabeth France CBE, Ken Jarrold CBE, Janet Paraskeva, General Sir ROGER Wheeler GCB CBE (Currently Constable HM Tower of London) and Stephen Barrett (KPMG - International Chair Corporate Finance) as non-executive MEMBERS. A Holy Foolish and True Text Has Been Issued To Complete the Honouring of the LOW MASSES On This Day And It Shall Read As Follows:

'The SERIOUS ORGANISED CRIME AGENCY will look to disrupt and thwart CRIMINALS going about their illegal activities.  The agency will provide a specialised and RELENTLESS Attack on Organised Crime, getting on the FRONT FOOT, CONSTRAINING, HARRASSING and LIMITING Criminals at every opportunity, until the UNITED KINGDOM simply becomes TOO HOSTILE an environment for them to Operate In. Every SINGLE person in the country will benefit from its Work.'

All who fail to LAUGH AT THEIR JOKE shall be tortured, beheaded and summarily EXECUTED in the Lands of Their Origin, failing which course, they shall be HELD at a Detention Centre such as HARMONDSWORTH or GUANTANAMO BAY Without Trial Or Recourse To The LAWS OF THE LAND for an INDEFINITE period of time which shall Possibly Be FOREVER.

By ORDER of Her Majesty and Terriertories, those to be brought HIGH for this ONE DAY shall gather for the occasion of their Crowning at the LONDON EYE on the SOUTH BANK of the River Thames for GAMES and FUN and Much Merriment. 

As BIG BEN Shall Strike Twelve Hundred Hours of the Morning A Procession of FOOLS shall Go Forth On To PARLIAMENT SQUARE where Those Brought LOW Shall Be Chased and Ridiculed by Those Brought HIGH for the rest of the Afternoon.

In Honour of JESTERS, CLOWNS AND FOOLS, the Whole Twenty-Four Hours of April Fool’s Day is Hereby Decreed Turn Everything On Its Head and GIVE the Naked, Quivering ARSE of The State A GOOD SPANKING.