Which other section of the community would dress their women up as giant skittles so we can all have a laugh.Walk down the street of any gritty northern town and you will see loads of muslin women waddling down the road dressed in their finary, all you need is an outsize bowling ball made out of polystyrene knocking them over and Stuart Hall chortling away in the background and it would be like an episode of IT'S A Knockout. Not only that they do it deliberately to bring a bit of jollity into our sad lifes.The outfit is called a burqa, which is yer arabian for an outfit that makes you look like a Berk.This chimes right in with our good old British passion for dressing up in silly outfits,kinda like Mr Blobby from Noels House party. Whatever happened to Noel Edmunds by the way? maybe he is being held hostage by the telly bannies ...if he is don't pay the ransom. Ahhh those telly bannies i liked them! they didn't like telly though! no they banned it they did and they refused to pay their licence fee.Thats why the BBC bombed them.OK ABC did most of the bombing but we helped and we lent them 22 sqdn SAS who are a bit like the incredibles but with guns. You don't hear much from that Osama Bin Liner fella now neither. Some people used to say he was a nutter but that's not true,he's as normal as you or i. He was just a rich kid who lost his way a bit that's all.I mean if i won the lottery i would be straight up the nearest mountain to live in a cave and grow a big bushy beard like that guy out the Harry Potter film.What's his name ...Gandalf ,yeah.... that's right Gandalf, he was good he was but i preferred him in Cracker. Whooa but them Muslins been getting a bit of stick recently.I turned on the telly on Friday the day after the French bombed us for winning the lympics and Blimey there's all these little brown Yoda lookalikes dressed in their jim jams and night shirts and furry hats and straggly beards standing there like a choir in front of a Microphone.What''s this i says to myself bloody songs of praise from Karachi but it's not even Sunday.Just as i think they gonna burst into All things bright and beautifull , up pops the top Plod from London Ian Blair ,Tony's brother. What's he doing in Leeds i think ,shouldnt he be chasing the french bombers in London? Anyway he goes up the mic and says i would like to introduce the Muslin Council of Great Britain.So up to the mic pops the Muslin leader of Britain but he's not talking british.Quick as a flash i'm on the job and grab the remote ,ceefax page 202 sub titles.Ahhh that's better what's he saying? " Islam Peace and tolerance religion it is" well blimey we all knew that anyway. So i flicks over onto Sky news and blow me down it's one of the little Yoda lookalikes from the MCB looking all sad and this young geezer who looks like Gonzo out the muppets is going all nuclear on him.It's only yer leader of the Islamic students union innit.Well Gonzo the student guy is blaming the elder IMAMS for disinfecting the muslin yoofs,now for your younger readers John Imam was a poofter actor who starred in a sit com called are ARE YOU BEING SERVED he was a bit like Julian Clarey or Dale Winton but with grey hair.Now as we all know your devout muslin doesn't like fudge packers and are obliged to chuck rocks at their knappers which is why Elton John has never toured IRAN .Anyway i'm not sure why student grant was so angry at the old geezer,maybe he had caught him in the mosque watching old episodes of are you being served on BBC 10. In chimes the interviewer to student grant ave you got a last message to the disinfected young muslins of great britain,yes he says, Islam is a peacefull and tolerant religion,bloody hell we already knew that Gonzo. So i switch back to the good old BBC hoping to see Bargain Hunt but it's been cancelled and there's more Muslins in fact it's the Muslin Council of britain and the student bloke coming out the Leed Mosque. But what's this? student grant is being accosted by a load of Yorkshire Pakistani chavs and one of them looks like hulk hogan cept he doesn't have blonde hair. Aye oops says the large Paki chav to student grant you don't speak for us chavs, we have brothas and sistas in afghanistan and chesneya near salford being bombed by the evil empire and you say now't about it.Not that im defending the actions of our brothas he continues but the infidel bastards deserved it. Now ,now now says student Grant you can't say that ,that is inflamatory talk.Oh yes i can says the huge Paki chav and don't you be pointing your finger at me.At this point student grant decides to leg it up the road possibly cos he's left a pan of beans on in his bed sit.Peace on you brotha shouts the dark skinned Hulk Hogan lookalike afer student Grant as he flees up the road.Which just goes to show what a tolerant religion Islamb is.I mean even after a full scale barney they are still so polite.Funny thing was is that cos the Pakistani chav had a yorkshire accent it sounded like Piss on you brotha. Okey Dokey gotta go,hang on whats this a bomb in Turkey? ,bet its that Judith Chalmers she's jealous of that Amanda Lamb becos she took her job in Place in the Sun.