1. The SWP was founded in 1973 as part of a secret plan cooked up between MI5, the CIA, the KGB, Mossad and the Tufty Club.

2. Its aim is to demoralise and 'turn' the vast numbers of people who effectively oppose capitalism and imperialism by smoking spliffs and saying 'tut' at the news, by luring them into diversionary activities like demos and marches.

3. All SWP members agree upon joining to have a small clockwork Trotsky inserted in their brain who will self-destruct if they ever deviate from 'building the Party'. This is why no SWP members have jobs or kids or ever laugh, dance or have sex.

4. Many trade union activists have some respect for the SWP and even read their paper; thus proving what sell-outs the SWP are, since we all know trade unions are bourgeois tools and trade unionists are tabloid-reading knuckle-dragging morons without the political sophistication prevalent among the better class of anti-capitalist.

5. Anyone attending Globalise Resistance or Anti-Nazi League meetings will note that they are asked to sign in. For further info? No; so that at a later date the SWP can replace you with a clone designed in one of their vast Leninist robot factories hidden under the North Pole.

6. All the SWP leadership are giant alien lizards under the direct control of Yog-Sothoth, an alien deity from the Outer Realms.

So now you know.