By Cheryl Seal

The Bush War has begun. The God-fearin' armchair warriors are parked in front of their TV sets popping a beer and the American media is in its gory...er, glory. If you are feeling a sense of unreality....you are not alone. Nor is your sense wrong. If there is anything that IS real about this debacle, it is its total unreality. Sheer movie magic, in fact.

I suspect most thinking folk out there have already put the evidence together and realize this war is not only being staged, it has been "under development" since shortly before Bush's inauguration. In fact, the project was "optioned" long before that. This production is a lot like the stuff cranked out by those guys in California who hired real bums to engage in vicious, bloody fights and bone-breaking stunts while they filmed them for fun and profit. Unlike Bush, however, those creeps have been held accountable for their psychopathic excesses and are now on trial. It's not enough that Bush already has the American mainstream press - hardcopy, online, or TV - promoting every off-the-cuff lie, fantasy scenario or piece of manufactured evidence he tosses out at them. He's into bigger stuff now. He has become the Samuel B. Goldwyn of bloodletting.

No one possessing four neurons could have failed to suspect something was afoot when the news was released a few weeks back that Bush had contracted a Hollywood studio and crews to work with him on a Middle East project (Wag the Dog II?). That was about the same time the Madison Avenue advertising whiz he'd hired to sell the Afghanistan invasion (Charlotte Beers) bailed out (even some advertising moguls have their limits).And about the same time that Bush's daddy's company, the Carlyle Group, was putting up the cash to help a fpal and fellow oil baron named Davis purchase Universal Studios from Vivendi. No more small screen stuff for Bush!

But Bush can afford to think big. Every staged and scripted scene he's played out has been "picked up primetime" and received thunderous applause and great ratings from the easily deceived, the fans of testosterone-soaked grade C flicks and "reality TV." Alas, the ranks of the easily deceived and thus easily led represent the fastest-growing and most militant segment of America's population. These folks don't mind that all the documents that have been presented since day one "proving" Bush's case have been discredited - worse than that, they are the most shamelessly calculated string of falsehoods ever foisted off on the world in such a blatant and aggressive manner by a U.S. leader. Who cares? Those stunts make great TV! Loved that last press conference simulation (we haven't seen the real thing since Bill Clinton left office).

Sadly, the Bush Method has been picked up and adopted by his starstruck syncophants, who will do anything...and I mean ANYTHING to land a role in the Bush flick. Tony Blair, is of course, the most hopelessly besotted of all. Blair's most recent success with the Bush Method was the "secret evidence" leaked by "someone in the Spanish government" revealing how he had nobly tried (sob!) to push through a second resolution...really, and truly, he did! Of course it was a resolution, in any case, that the UN folk recognized as a sham and a joke - the same ultimatum, just a slightly different timeline, as the offensive Bush resolution. But this little trick won Blair just enough of an easing in negative public opinion to insure he got his parliamentary votes for war. And a secure bit part in the Bush War Production.

Alas, there are obviously enough suckers born every day to go around for Blair and Bush. Earlier in the winter, Blair presented "conclusive evidence" of Iraq's WMDs - the SMOKING GUN to end all smoking guns. This "smoking gun" turned out to be a graduate students' thesis, and not an official or spy-generated document of any sort. You'd think the cheeks of the British would have burned with shame long enough to remember not be conned again. Yet the public still believed the Spainish "leaked note" ruse just a few months later.

Aznar is also an aspiring Bush Method actor. Making a big show of supporting the war gung ho, he managed to tip the scales more in Blair's favor in parliament and for Bush in his media claque. But, as it turns out, Aznar never intended to send any troops in! What, and risk really being ousted? Ha! He never intended to offer anything more than a pat on the back and maybe some technical advisors. But, hey! He had a great vacation in the Azores. In keeping with the Bush script, the American media, after weeks of touting the devotion of Spain to the cause, failed to mention this little turn of events to the public.

Colin Powell, struggling too often futiely, like all black actors, for a really good part, has now mastered the Bush Method. Just yesterday, out of the air, he presented the stunning claim that there are 45..no, wait, 30, no wait...15 for sure..nations "quietly" backing the U.S. against Iraq. Very quietly - in fact it turns out that about half the nations didn't know they were "supporting" the war. Out of this bogus list, a net total of a few thousand (well, maybe) troops are being offered. In fact it seems that Romania the only really somewhat enthusiastic cheerleader. Oh yeah, and in the list, Powell also included the Philippines, which hadn't even put the Iraq issue to a vote at last checking, and had, a few weeks back, refused to cooperate with U.S. troops sent without invitation to "fight evildoers" on Philippine soil.

Powell also included Belgium, which only offered the token gesture of some airpace as a show of cooperation among nations as a general idea - not as an endorsement of U.S. policy. Btw, a few days ago, war crimes charges were filed in Belgium by several Iraqis against George Bush I, Cheney, and Powell for the murder of over 400 women and children sleeping in a shelter during Gulf War I. Maybe that's the "support" Powell means. The "secret list" also included a list of Arab countries in the region - most of whom expressed amazement at a such an obviosuly false claim. Powell tried to shore up his crumbling case by adding that there were 15 more countries - really secret! - that are supporting us. This list probably includes the North Pole (Santa Claus has committed three of his eight reindeer as advisors and a right of way over Toyland) and possibly Easter Island (the big stone heads have been recruited as lookouts for Al Queda operatives).

But this little scam, promulgated without question by the media minions, gave a last minute phony boost to the "War script."

Now in an almost obsenely eager CBS News report (war violence is geriatic armchair warrior Dan Rather's Viagra) I am hearing that, in an incredible bit of serendipity, the US has learned the "exact coordinates" for a building in downtown Bagdhad where all of the Iraqi bigwigs are all sitting around a table having a meeting, just waiting to be bombed. It is also claiming, hour to hour, that key Iraqi people have defected - even as said key people call foreign news services to disclaim doing any such thing. Details! Details! All that matters is how the scene plays in Peoria.

The most arrogant, unabashed bit of staging so far is Bush's deployment of "mobile units" to allegedly scour Iraq for "proof" of weapons of mass destruction. Anyone with just THREE neurons will be able to see through this transparent ploy. Need a validation for your illegal, immoral war? Just hire "Plant-a-Weapon!" They will take care of all your weapons-planting needs. Better yet, you can have the resulting "special effects" filmed by a real Hollywood movie crew and "witnessed" by "real journalists" sent down by central casting at White House studios. Don't worry - everything you see and hear is sheer movie magic....only the blood is real.