Tony Blair last night sought to play down allegations that he had been implicated in the ritual abuse and killings of hundreds of children.

Writing in the Times, the Prime Minister claims that he has been the "victim of an elaborate hoax" and that, despite what "Bush, Mandelson, Cheney and Widdecome get upto at these secret meetings, I can catagorically state that I, personally, have never raped and/or murdered a minor."

Mr Blair, a father of four, suggested that the recent attacks on the World Trade Centre in New York had acted as a catalyst for people wishing to pose their grievences by musing that "every nutter on the planet has come out of the woodwork to make the most ludicrous allegations, using the terrorist assualts on America as a kind of smokescreen."

Despite Mr Blair's denials, however, the main group at the centre of the claims, the Truth Will Attack Team (TWAT), continued to carry out media interviews propagating the same message.

Its skopesperson, Ms Ann Thropy, told the baying press-pack that she had "evidence that Blair and his legal masters would find impossible, in a court of law, to construct a defence against."

Claims like this are increasingly dogging the Prime Minister as he attempts to stifle criticism of his handling of the so-called terrorist crisis.

Commentators in the media have mocked Mr Blair for his lap-dog approach to the "crisis" and suggested that he is doing as George Bush tells him to do.

Independent radio journalist, Cleo Toris, told us that "Blair has -quite rightly- come in for, and will no doubt continue to come in for, harsh criticism of his and others' extra parlimentary activities."

Mr Blair, following his denials, fled to Tuscany where he will remain until the "whole stupid mess has blown over." When asked about the impending "war" with Afghanistan, Alister Campbell -the Prime Minister's director of communications- stated that "as far as Downing Street is concerned, the fewer Arabs on the planet the better."

Reuters