Its monopoly in the UK public sector will be eroded as local authority plans to increase use of free, or very low cost, alternative open source (AOS) are implemented. The Public sector spent £12.4 billion on information technology in 2003-2004, of which a chunk went directly into the bank account of the world’s richest man, and largest shareholder in Microsoft, Bill Gates.

“The savings could be spent on new public housing and schools, rather than unnecessary crap software, and allowing Bill Gates to build another £100 million house”: said Harold Hamlet, a Windows 98 user from the Midlands region of England, UK. Harold added: “ I am sick to the teeth of paying some of my community taxes to Gatesy - he’s done chuff all for me and the misses, or our town. ”

Harold is threatening to throw his windows 98 out of the window in a symbolic act, but will wait until AOS is installed on his Amstrad first: “You don’t chuck your misses until you’ve got another lined up do you? Think about it”. He, for no apparent reason, added, “Stroll on the slow down in the economy”, slightly perplexing the interviewer.

He later admitted, after a few free jars of ale from the author in his local – the Goose, Berries N’ Balls - that he doesn’t know how to get hold of (AOS), and is relying on someone responding to this piece. “One of those largely forehead boffins who read loads of book’s know the score, ” he appealed.

After several rounds at the bar, stood by the yours truly, the barman, who never utter a word outside the language necessary for transacting the sale of alcohol, spoke, to the shock of the watching crowded bar.

Unknown to them, he secretively submitted occasional articles to the Financial Times, which I found out from his membership form for the Nation Union of Journalists that I slyly perused on a following visit to King’s Cross.

This is what came out of that normally mute average looking red-faced barman:" For a company such as Microsoft whose most familiar competitive tactic has been to undercut rivals on the price, free open source software such as the Linux operating system has represented a new and unusual threat.”

The crowd in the bar went silent for a painfully extended moment … crash! Went Harold’s glass as it hit the old wooden floorboards. The silence deepened.

The barman, now his cover as an FT undercover reporter was blown, gushed " the UK economy is weakening but inflationary pressure is growing … blip or depression? … rebalance the economy towards savings and investment or were all fucked …".


After what felt like an hours dead silence, Harold took hold of the situation and lowered the tension. The stunned businessmen who were in for their liquid lunches were shocked as "red faced mutes" (as they affectionately called him) words.

“George! You scared the shh .. the the … life out of me.. live abd learn eh; you been drinking to much of those slops again. Get me another beer for the one you caused me drop, and its quits,” said Harold Hamlet in his matter of fact way.

George, the barman, sheepishly obeyed Harold who knew Harold's glass had been empty. George never missed a trick no matter how pissed he got on drinking up the left overs, and the whiskies he could nick. But Harold's quick thinking ruse got the better of him, after his unintended fall out of character. Harold never missed an opportunity to scank a free beer.

They all laughed, joked and were merry again - until incorrigble trouble-maker Harold held up his full glass of ale, and proclaimed; “To the end of Microsoft, up the recession.”