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Iraqi civilians using Cruise missiles to commit suicide

2003 | 29.03.2003 11:00

Farce. But only just...

Intellgience sources believe Iraqi civilians in poor areas of Baghdad are building makeshift Cruise missiles and launching them against themselves in order to commit suicide. "They see it as the only way to get out of the evil clutches of the regime," sources say. Coalition intelligence indicates that as much as 75% of the bombs falling on Baghdad are "self-inflicted". "This is very much in line with Shiite beliefs about self-sacrifice," one source said. "It also shows the urgency of getting to Baghdad and liberating those people before it's too late."

In other news, British officials say two soldiers executed after capture may have been killed in a "nerve gas experiment" conducted personally by Saddam's son, Qusay. "We are checking on these reports," one official said.

Intercepted radio conversations also indicate that some Iraqi soldiers might actually be Syrian and/or Iranian troops. "Our intercepts have detected a heavy Syrian and/or Iranian inflections in some areas," a spokesman said. "If confirmed, this would prove their involvement in perpetuating Saddam's savage regime".

2003

Comments

Display the following 5 comments

  1. sources please — democracy is dead
  2. Farce ...only just?! — ram
  3. My God... — youngblood
  4. WHERE ARE THE SOURCES — IMC UK
  5. Is this satire? — Thomas J