Washington - Fast on the heels of his demands for a change in leadership for both the Palestinian Liberation Organization (PLO) and the Iraqi government, George W. Bush has called for a change in the worlds’ weather. Speaking through an interpreter in Washington today, Mr. Bush complained that the weather, in its present form, is not in the nations’ best interest. “The president feels that today’s weather conditions are not favorable for a secure homeland”, said Press Secretary Airy Fleishmen, “unless we are able to control the weather our freedom will be threatened.” Apparently, among those freedoms was the ability for Americans to do whatever they choose, whenever they choose. “People need blue skies…well, at least clear skies, when they get in their SUVs and go shopping”, Fleishmen claimed, “The President knows that, but at the same time he knows that inclement weather keeps Americans glued to their TV sets which is just where they should be when it comes time for them to listen and understand what is best for them.”
Asked whether this policy shift meant Mr. Bush intends to replace Mother Nature, the Secretary stated: “The present situation is untenable. The President knows that everybody’s always talking about the weather, but no one ever does anything. He intends to change that.”
Unlike Mr. Bush’s demands that PLO chairman Arafat and Iraqi’s Saddam Hussein step-down, the President’s policy toward Nature appears to be mixed, with highs in the 80s and a chance of heavy storms and high winds. International opinion indicates marked opposition to Bush’s recent statements. At a meeting of European leaders in the Hague, German Chancellor Helmet Cold stated that Mr. Bush is “not qualified to make demands on Nature”. He noted that the President’s record on the environment is the worst of any U.S. leader in that nation’s 200-year history. “How can someone so completely out of tune with the natural world even become President of the United States?” he asked. Similar questions have been asked in the past, but the possibility that Mr. Bush actually isn’t the President may put to rest such questioning.
Many world leaders were not surprised by Mr. Bush’s recent policy statements. “We expect this kind of arrogance from Mr. Bush”, noted one leader who asked not to be identified, “That moron thinks he can rule the universe!” Such sentiments were apparent at a recent UN conference on the environment where world leaders gathered to discuss the ecological crisis faced by their nations. Most of those assembled echoed the belief that the present administration in Washington is completely out of touch with reality. One of those attending pointed out that the U.S state of Texas is a “big ecological nightmare filled with crazed cowpeople” and that much of the responsibility falls on Bush, his friends in the oil and chemical industries, and a “hopelessly outdated ‘Wild West’ mentality that’s an embarrassment to the rest of that nation”. She claimed that those same disastrous policies and that sort of thinking were now being foisted on the American people as a whole. “That man is an enemy of the Earth”, she said, “Why the American people don’t run him out of office is beyond me. What are those people thinking?” Recent reports indicate that they aren’t thinking much these days, but the jury’s still out on whether they can rise to the occasion or remain seated in front of their big-screen TVs where reality is manufactured and actual thinking is discouraged.