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Bush campaign staggers forwards

Pete Coan | 03.11.2000 17:42

Bush campaign is staggering on towards restoring dignity to the Oval Office (uh, right)

Gore supporters are reported to be increasingly worried about the major inroads George Bush Junior is making in a key swing constituency - or is that a stagger constituency. According to a recent poll, more than 69% of America's convicted drunk drivers now favor Bush. These important voters may hold the balance of power, if not the power of balance, in a number of key states.

On their side of the river, Democrats are trying to prop up their vote by wheeling out the drunk-drivers' hero of yesteryear, Ted Kennedy. However, signs are that the drunk-drivers are abandoning their traditional Democrat leanings, and are lurching closer to Bush - so close they can smell his breath.

"It's the vision thing," said one voter. "I drive better when I'm drunk, 'cuz I can see everything twice."

"American motorists have every right to knock back a few beers before going for a spin in Daddy's sports car," slurred a Republican spokesman, "it's the American dream an' we're proud of it. Gore and Nader stand for a nanny state with politically-correct red tape to stop the American people having fun - but our Dubya knows how to have a laugh. He's got the common touch that today's voters are looking for to restore, uh, dignity and integrity to the Oval Office."

Pete Coan
- e-mail: PeteCoan@hotmail.com