This is aimed at those in the movements that dismiss violence against men, hatred of men or the fact that men are and will continue to be victims of female perpetrated violence. (NOTE: all domestic violence is wrong)...
It is important to underline that this article in no way whatsoever encourages violence against women or men, or in any way attacks the importance of campaigns that highlight abuse against women. Abuse in and out of relationships is wrong, full stop.
However, the issue of violence against men (perpetrated by their ex or current girlfriends/boyfriends) is played down and in some areas (particularly some anarcho-militant affinities) is ignored or dismissed.
Whether many of us want to admit it or not, misandry (the hatred of men) exists, and it is the opinion of this author that misandry further fuels the denial or dismissal of violence against men by their current or ex partners.
According to (relatively reliable, although admittedly dated) research conducted in America at the turn of the Millennium, there were 1.5 million female victims of domestic violence per year and (lesser discussed) over 800,000 male victims per year. The key to this stat, and many like it, including available stas for the UK and Eurpoe, is that a hell of a lot of women (and some gay partners), nearly a million in the above case, are hitting their male partners. Are those same women (and some gay partners) also victims? Are they haters of men? Are they abusers the same as the men that hit women? Well some of them must be, and we must face that that, in a microcosmic way, filters down in to our movements and our own communities.
Mostly we only discuss, hear about and campaign against or in favour of the female victims and misandry is put down and discussion or admitting of violence against men by their current or ex partners is fraught with consensus against.
Try walking in to your local social centre having been the victim of manipulation and control and violence at the hands of your female partner and quickly watch and listen as your claims and stories are dismissed. An ex or current partner need only counter claim that she was the victim and your side of the story is as good as dead in the water.
It is not reasonable, however, to distract away from the real issue of defending women from aggressive ex’s or current partners. Please note, this is about raising the issue of misandry and violence against men by their current or ex partners, not a denial or endorsement of violence against women. I can’t stress that enough.
But as a man, and a feminist at that, I have been wrestling with my concerns over the level of misandry in the alternative and revolutionary movements for sometime, to the point where I can no longer hold my tongue. Mostly I have witnessed this attitude from the most esteemed and popular female feminists. Any criticism of these sisters is therefore a no-no as they often will not allow a man to claim to be a victim of misandry by them or a victim of one of their sisters.
I have been attacked in relationships, slapped, punched, scratched with large nails, had food chucked at me, been emotionally and physically and mentally manipulated (into deleting all of my phone contacts or email addresses, for example) by ex or current girlfriends, two of which counter claimed my claims stating what they had done to me was ‘only kidding’ or ‘didn’t hurt really, you’re a man, you can take it’.
When I responded (incorrectly) with violence, when I had decided not to take any more control or violence or subjugation myself, and decided to use violence like my ex’s or current partners had done, I was quickly made to feel like a domestic abuser and any case I had for being a victim was quickly dismissed. Responding violently was naturally not a good thing and I was not proud then or now of those reactions.
But it was misandry, which is the hatred of men by women, (as apposed to misogyny, the hatred of women by men) that often fuelled the claims against me that I was the originator of violence and that I, not my ex’s or current girlfriends, was utterly in the wrong, and they, as the ‘weaker partner’ (a misandrist’s words, not mine) were in the right or were somehow excused by the very fact that they were women.
I am not totally comfortable with having written this article but I can no longer suffer in silence and be made to feel as if only men can be manipulative and violent and as if no women in the alternative/revolutionary movements has ever been an abuser.
And to trolls, EDL, BNP, Cops and whoever else, before you start, fuck off. This article is intended for those among us (alternative/revolutionary movement) that hate men or dismiss violence against men or deny the existence of misandry within the movements.
NOTE: this was written within half an hour of being attacked by a female current partner and, as such, may offend some people. She slapped and punched me during an argument and this was the only place I felt I could turn. All I am asking is that those in the movement that a) are women and b) have ever been abusive and/or misandrist simply admit it to themselves and try to change.
However, the issue of violence against men (perpetrated by their ex or current girlfriends/boyfriends) is played down and in some areas (particularly some anarcho-militant affinities) is ignored or dismissed.
Whether many of us want to admit it or not, misandry (the hatred of men) exists, and it is the opinion of this author that misandry further fuels the denial or dismissal of violence against men by their current or ex partners.
According to (relatively reliable, although admittedly dated) research conducted in America at the turn of the Millennium, there were 1.5 million female victims of domestic violence per year and (lesser discussed) over 800,000 male victims per year. The key to this stat, and many like it, including available stas for the UK and Eurpoe, is that a hell of a lot of women (and some gay partners), nearly a million in the above case, are hitting their male partners. Are those same women (and some gay partners) also victims? Are they haters of men? Are they abusers the same as the men that hit women? Well some of them must be, and we must face that that, in a microcosmic way, filters down in to our movements and our own communities.
Mostly we only discuss, hear about and campaign against or in favour of the female victims and misandry is put down and discussion or admitting of violence against men by their current or ex partners is fraught with consensus against.
Try walking in to your local social centre having been the victim of manipulation and control and violence at the hands of your female partner and quickly watch and listen as your claims and stories are dismissed. An ex or current partner need only counter claim that she was the victim and your side of the story is as good as dead in the water.
It is not reasonable, however, to distract away from the real issue of defending women from aggressive ex’s or current partners. Please note, this is about raising the issue of misandry and violence against men by their current or ex partners, not a denial or endorsement of violence against women. I can’t stress that enough.
But as a man, and a feminist at that, I have been wrestling with my concerns over the level of misandry in the alternative and revolutionary movements for sometime, to the point where I can no longer hold my tongue. Mostly I have witnessed this attitude from the most esteemed and popular female feminists. Any criticism of these sisters is therefore a no-no as they often will not allow a man to claim to be a victim of misandry by them or a victim of one of their sisters.
I have been attacked in relationships, slapped, punched, scratched with large nails, had food chucked at me, been emotionally and physically and mentally manipulated (into deleting all of my phone contacts or email addresses, for example) by ex or current girlfriends, two of which counter claimed my claims stating what they had done to me was ‘only kidding’ or ‘didn’t hurt really, you’re a man, you can take it’.
When I responded (incorrectly) with violence, when I had decided not to take any more control or violence or subjugation myself, and decided to use violence like my ex’s or current partners had done, I was quickly made to feel like a domestic abuser and any case I had for being a victim was quickly dismissed. Responding violently was naturally not a good thing and I was not proud then or now of those reactions.
But it was misandry, which is the hatred of men by women, (as apposed to misogyny, the hatred of women by men) that often fuelled the claims against me that I was the originator of violence and that I, not my ex’s or current girlfriends, was utterly in the wrong, and they, as the ‘weaker partner’ (a misandrist’s words, not mine) were in the right or were somehow excused by the very fact that they were women.
I am not totally comfortable with having written this article but I can no longer suffer in silence and be made to feel as if only men can be manipulative and violent and as if no women in the alternative/revolutionary movements has ever been an abuser.
And to trolls, EDL, BNP, Cops and whoever else, before you start, fuck off. This article is intended for those among us (alternative/revolutionary movement) that hate men or dismiss violence against men or deny the existence of misandry within the movements.
NOTE: this was written within half an hour of being attacked by a female current partner and, as such, may offend some people. She slapped and punched me during an argument and this was the only place I felt I could turn. All I am asking is that those in the movement that a) are women and b) have ever been abusive and/or misandrist simply admit it to themselves and try to change.
Comments
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In response...
15.04.2013 11:31
Research and statistics show that the point a woman is most likely to be killed or seriously injured by their abusive male partner is when they attempt to leave the relationship or after they have left. This is not true for men attempting to leave their relationship. Generally they are free to leave and generally face less social and practical barriers when they do so. Therefore the two dynamics are not comparable and do not amount to the same thing.
What is interesting however is that often the reason men give for killing or seriously injuring their partner is that they couldn't take the abuse/manipulation/nagging etc any more even though they are much better placed to leave the relationship on the whole.
I don't know what area you live in so I won't post any links to suport agencies however most domestic violence services these days provide support for male victims. I would suggest that you get some support to leave your relationship if you are unhappy and take heart from the fact that most likely this will solve your immediate problem and not escalate it, as it does in the case of most women.
Rudeboy
brave writing
16.04.2013 03:15
Hypnotised
see also
16.04.2013 23:39
anonymous
one place to get support
16.04.2013 23:43
anon
thanks for adding this,
17.04.2013 12:07
Paul
Thank you
17.04.2013 12:18
x
MeNotYou