A book about Stoke Newington aka "Cokey Stokey" and Haringey Drugs Squad has arrived. Having found a flyer on becoming a cop in the bin, Harry Keeble joins Cokey Stokey drugs squad and then Haringey drugs squad. He describes them as "drug dealers" and "naughty lazy coppers". They give him a cardboard desk, a box for a chair, a huge 80's phone, steal his answerphone & give him a decrepit purple car.
Having reached into the rubbish and retrieving the flyer, Harry Keeble joins the police because he "wants to break the speed limit and get into fights". He arrives on the streets "at 18 and not knowing the law and it was brilliant".
Wanting to be a "real cop" and not a naughty lazy one his colleagues give him a cardboard desk, a box to sit on and an 80's phone. They steal his answerphone machine bacause they "were drug dealers".
On an armed drugs raid some Russian cops come along. They don't like Harry and his "golden team" so during the raid they "run around the estate doing gun fingers at people and laughing at their armed UK counterparts and fucking up the raid".
He calls the TSG the Thick and Stupid Group and recalls how one raid "went wrong" after "some idiot slashed their tyres".
He repeatedly raids wrong addresses. Notices are handed out warning crack houses of future raids alongside apologies for the "inconveneience".
His job gets advertised on the internet but no-one tells him.
One day a "wad" of money was being looked after. This becomes £60 then £40. Harry reports the missing £20. This results in over 4000 pages of paperwork and all the cops have to hand their money over to the DPS. They are cross with Harry who is "appalled" at their naughtiness and later panics because he has left his wallet at the police station.
Months later he has to find somwhere to put confiscated money, thousand of pounds. He , um, decides to open abnak account to put it into safe keeping and narrowly misses being arrested by the Flying Squad as a "bank robber".
Everything in this book is terrifyingly true.
Since the book has been written all the naughty lazy police have been moved {to Camden it is rumoured} and Cokey Stokey and Haringey are now, er drug free thanks to Harry.
Wanting to be a "real cop" and not a naughty lazy one his colleagues give him a cardboard desk, a box to sit on and an 80's phone. They steal his answerphone machine bacause they "were drug dealers".
On an armed drugs raid some Russian cops come along. They don't like Harry and his "golden team" so during the raid they "run around the estate doing gun fingers at people and laughing at their armed UK counterparts and fucking up the raid".
He calls the TSG the Thick and Stupid Group and recalls how one raid "went wrong" after "some idiot slashed their tyres".
He repeatedly raids wrong addresses. Notices are handed out warning crack houses of future raids alongside apologies for the "inconveneience".
His job gets advertised on the internet but no-one tells him.
One day a "wad" of money was being looked after. This becomes £60 then £40. Harry reports the missing £20. This results in over 4000 pages of paperwork and all the cops have to hand their money over to the DPS. They are cross with Harry who is "appalled" at their naughtiness and later panics because he has left his wallet at the police station.
Months later he has to find somwhere to put confiscated money, thousand of pounds. He , um, decides to open abnak account to put it into safe keeping and narrowly misses being arrested by the Flying Squad as a "bank robber".
Everything in this book is terrifyingly true.
Since the book has been written all the naughty lazy police have been moved {to Camden it is rumoured} and Cokey Stokey and Haringey are now, er drug free thanks to Harry.
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