Skip to content or view screen version

ICJ bans hitchhunters

Wendelin Citagrumb | 02.12.2015 14:05 | Culture | Education | Repression | World

It broke out on Tamil Elam, spread through India and Israel, and from there into Europe and the Americas: Hitchhunters – regime agents masquerading as people like you and me taking a hitchhiker. They have long been a threat to social sanity, since no one except a total newbie would enter a car whose driver has preyed on their communications without getting prepared for a fight over their ego´s steering wheel. You know that you have a hitchhunter when it is beginning to mention details from your phone calls with your grand mother, the Pink Fishbowl Guide says. Now international jurisdiction has stopped the practice as incompatible with human rights.

Here´s the Grimmelshausen verdict on the verdict: “Leading anthropologists argue that Western societies are deeply divided into these whose value system revolves all around attachment to shiny cars, and these who do not want to have anything to do with it. This has not changed since the middle of the last century. But since the car industry as an appendix of the military-industrial complex is the window-front of the overproduction crisis and asymmetric investment is its civilian result, there are these border-line situations where a person will be interested to take an otherwise unused space without producing a market demand for it.”

“The vegetable man on the market puts out the fruit which he won´t be able to sell tomorrow as today´s free lunch when he closes shop – if he thinks in terms of non-zero-sum game. Now how would you like an attacker to drop a few GMO fruit here or there? It would effectively kill the entire giveaway culture. From a teacher´s point of view, the opportunity to teach how to share without greed does chose the vegan permaculture example because it shows that you can entirely drop money – instead of a cash box you would have a neighbourhood giveaway system open to nomads. The market, even more so the free market, has a herd vulnerability to poisoning. Personally, I do not like to be driven by a piece of bloody meat. That is what the judgement is all about.”

“Now how has the court argued for its decision against market poisoning?” – “Hitchhunting is a situation mixing qualities of the successful lift and the car accident. The survivor, if knowingly even more so than if unknowingly, is in the same state of mind as a passenger who has survived an immediately material accident. The driver drove the car against a constitutional wall of human rights between public life and government activity, but the passenger survived thanks to an air-bag cushion of independent thought. This supersedes earlier arguments that hitchhunting was like the transport of dangerous materials, for which there is regulation. Taking a poison transport and having an accident as described equals getting hitchhunted.”

“So much for the theory. We know implementation is postponed until we take their headquarters. Now how does the average hitchhiker keep the hitchhunters away?” – “This is the dilemma of the common trust. You will have many drivers arguing they could not take you because they were in service. If you asked every driver who offers you a ride whether he was in service, then a hitchhunter who is in service of the evildoers but answers with denial thereof would be lying on service in terms of international law.”

“Yet the new verdict says you don´ t even need to ask, because it is like the transport of declared poison plus the actual accident, implementation postponed. The court has thereby recognised that hitchhunting is an attack against public trust, which takes away the burden of proof of danger from the target and dissolves the zero-sum-game calculations determining the precautions possibly taken against it. Using the described filter might only produce an inflation of false positives. And we know hitchhunters are forbidden by their handlers to take any hitchhikers outside of the targeting.”

“Any specific recommendation?” – “When the sheep jumps the barrier, it does not test the post for stability before swinging over it, it either jumps from ground to ground or not at all. You might find yourself in the same car as the hitchhunter, but your mind can be in a totally different state than its one. You might always encounter drivers who imagine a hitchhiker waiting on the parking ground was like a traveller who took a seat in the free shop, just for takeaway. Hence, don´t be a sheep. You are wandering the free shop with your life on your back, but you are not a part of the free shop. Would you like to be a commodity in the free shop? Don´t be a sheep, you might not like getting branded.”

“That sounds like better not hitchhike at all?” – “All independent trolls that might take you are vastly harmless if you know yourself well. When they troll, they waste their own stories not yours. But, what do you do when the hitchhunter tells you it knew that your friends talked bad about you between each other? Even if they did, they would still be morally higher than every hitchhunter. To understand why, study its ideological motivation. Best before you might encounter it on the road.”

“What is its ideological motivation?” – “The ideological motivation of the hitchhunter is the same as that of the entire bankrupt system: The failing state can neither cope with its own uselessness nor become something useful. Hence it is attempting to forge itself into your way of life to make it appear as if it would have been useful in it. Science calls it the militarist-contrarian narrative. The government does not want you to say: They are of no use to me, even more so when that really is so.”

“Of course this opens up the entire Orwellian scenario of the aggressor in the mask of benevolence. The late capitalist state is a state in which official forgery has taken so much room that you might be surprised how little remains when it is finally being excluded. It also takes the form of hitchhunting. Think of the joke about the boy scout and the old lady who ends op on the wrong side of the road because the little one needs a prop for its theatrics.”

“How do you suggest to undermine it?” – “It undermines itself. It is highly inefficient, and you can easily make it more inefficient, but once you find it targeting you it indicates that there already is a significant amount of resources being wasted against you. If you never have accompanied a dying person then you experience something new. You will assist that person for a while in keeping up its appearance and at one point no longer so. If you know what you keep up for yourself then it is easier for you to help others. But never forget that the only real help you can give a hitchhunter is help it help itself.”

“There was a shrill outcry from certain lunatic fringe suckers over your remarks on the cookie affair. Please comment.” – “Hitchhiker. The wind in the willows / Paints the walls of your house. / The sun in the oaks / Is the roof of your love. / The mood that you leave / Is where I wanted to go. Terence McKenna, 1971. The Pink Fishbowl Guide says whenever you share a cookie during hitchhiking ask for ingredients thereof. When those guys put their prophet at the steering wheels of their lives they should do so as well.” – “Ladies and Gentlemen, as I said, GMO remains GMO and VCVG remains VCVG.” – “And their outcry should be over their arms sales profits.”

“What do we know about the origins of the hitchhunting program?” – “The fascists in India did it after Tamil Elam was overrun by lethal financing speculation, such as Spain in the 20th century, and refugees were roaming across the island. The neoliberalist ideology brought it that they handled the forcible assignment of refugees just like scorched Earth corporations handle resettlement affairs. They used it to infringe upon the freedom of movement, and soon found that it was very much more effective in concert with techniques like cellphone localisation and other gadget crimes. It put people on quicksand many of whom did not know how to swim in slow motion, or that a dragonfly overpopulation tells of the diggers it lives off. Then these selling them the devices copied it.”

“Is there any conclusion you would like to leave for our readers?” – “As I said, hitchhiking is about finding alternatives to producing market demand in an overproduction crisis. Hitchhunting is based on the labour market and on government budgets, hence the goals are not compatible. Hitchhiking can be thought of as a scientific experiment measuring the conditions of a society. Hitchhunting causes a society to develop habits responding to excess repulsion thereof, that side-effect is unsolicited as the court now recognised. It is a by-product of an unhealthy – external-speculation-backed – military coup and proliferated to where the military is not openly visible.”

“Pending the implementation of the respective decrees for the decontamination of all military-afflicted societies, what the verdict has immediately changed is that now any instances of hitchhunting will escalate the self-inflicted self-destruction of the military-industrial complex with its suicidal rape of our planet.” – “Yes, no?” – “If governments on the internet are like cows inside a photovoltaic fence, then military coups are the bone-shaking bells on their necks whose former purpose has been superseded, and from the presence of both in the same herd you can deduce the existence of a moronic rancher that does not think.”

Wendelin Citagrumb