MARY’S IMMACULATE DECEPTION
Michael Dickinson

(Scene: A carpenter’s workshop in Nazareth, Roman-occupied Palestine. A young man in a leather apron, JOSEPH, is planing planks of wood and stacking them in piles.
A young woman, MARY, enters with a water pitcher in her hand. She stands there.

JOSEPH
Mary? What are you doing here? You know we’re not supposed to be alone together until our wedding. That’s still another ten weeks away. Did you want something? You’d better be quick or your family will be looking for you.

MARY
I had to go to the well. I accidentally knocked ove a pitcher at home. My father was angry. He and mother started arguing. They won’t miss me for a while.

JOSEPH
Nevertheless. You’d better get on to the well. People might talk.

MARY
(Looking around) You seem busy. What are you making?

JOSEPH
Crosses. Well, just planks, really, but they’ll be used as crucifixes. The Roman Army has put a large order in, now that they’ve increased their clampdown on the rebels.

MARY
I knocked over the pitcher deliberately. I had to find an excuse to talk to you alone.

JOSEPH
What about?

MARY
It’s difficult to explain.

JOSEPH
Come on, Mary. What exactly do you want? We haven’t got all day.

MARY
An angel came to me.

JOSEPH
What?

MARY
Alone. While I was spinning. There was a sudden glowing light. And an angel appeared.

JOSEPH
What are you talking about?

MARY
It told me that I was going to bear a child. The Son of God.

JOSEPH
For God’s sake, Mary! What are you trying to say?

MARY
I’m pregnant, Joseph. I’m going to have a baby.

JOSEPH
That’s impossible! How could you be? Nothing has happened between us, and you are carefully segregated, as all our women are. Pregnant? Maybe you have a belly ache!

MARY
My menstrual cycle has stopped. I’ve begun vomitting in the morning.

JOSEPH
I know nothing about these things, Mary. Have you gone mad? You’re not pregnant. The idea is absurd!

MARY
I am.

JOSEPH
How?

MARY
I told you. The angel. The blessed angel appeared and announced the news to me.

JOSEPH
When was this? When did it happen?

MARY
A – About a month ago.

JOSEPH
Why didn’t you tell anyone about it then?

MARY
I didn’t think anyone would believe me.

JOSEPH
And you expect them to believe you now?

MARY
You’re the only one I’ve told. You can believe it or not, but it’s true. I am pregnant. It won’t be long before it becomes obvious. That’s why I’m telling you first. If we want to avoid a scandal, we should become officially married as soon as possible.

JOSEPH
If WE want to avoid a scandal? What’s it go to do with me? I certainly had no hand in your pregnancy, if there is such a thing. Mary, pull yourself together. What are you on about?

MARY
I won’t be able to hide it for long, and then there’ll be questions. You have the power to move the date of the wedding to whatever you choose. Please make it as soon as possible.

JOSEPH
What if I were to call the whole thing off?

MARY
We are officially betrothed. You would have to give a good reason.

JOSEPH
Well, how about “My virgin wife has already been deflowered?”

MARY
You don’t believe me about the angel?

JOSEPH
Do you take me for a fool?

MARY
I didn’t think it would work. But what else could I say? It was worth a try. I’m desperate.

JOSEPH
Are you sure you’re pregnant?

MARY
Believe me, I know.

JOSEPH
But how? Who could the father be? Everyone knows what goes on in a conservative little town like Nazareth. You’re never alone.

MARY
I go to fetch the water alone.

JOSEPH
From the well up on the hill? But you usually go together with the other girls.

MARY
Not always. I’m going alone now, and I went alone then.

JOSEPH
Who was it? Gideon? Raphael? It can’t have been Jonathan.

MARY
No, it wouldn’t have been him, would it?

JOSEPH
Of course not!

MARY
You would know if it was him, wouldn’t you? You’re so close.

JOSEPH
He’s my best friend. We’re like brothers.

MARY
Closer than brothers.

JOSEPH
What do you mean?

MARY
I saw you and him together. Kissing each other in an olive grove. Long kisses. You ducked behind a tree when you heard me coming, and I pretended not to see you. But I saw. You’re in love with Jonathan, aren’t you?

JOSEPH
Mary. What is this? Why - ?

MARY
I just wanted to get things straight with you. You’re in love with Jonathan, I’m not in love with you, but I’m pregnant and we’re engaged. We either get married quickly and save me from being stoned to death, or you call it off and face a stoning yourself when I accuse you and Jonathan of sodomitic practices.

JOSEPH
You wouldn’t do that, would you Mary?

MARY
No, of course I wouldn’t Joseph. I’m only saying. According to their rules, both of us are sinners and deserve to die.

JOSEPH
Who is the father?

MARY
A Roman soldier.

JOSEPH
What!?

MARY
I had gone to the well that morning earlier than usual, and there was no-one else there except him. He looked like an angel when I first saw him. He was sitting alone by the well side, his bronze breastplate reflecting the rising sun. He smiled and said things to me as I raised and lowered the bucket to fill my pitchers, but I couldn’t understand him, and just laughed. He was very handsome. He wanted to teach me a hand-clapping game, and while we were playing it he suddenly took hold of my hands and stared into my eyes. And then he started to kiss me. A long one, like you and Jonathan. I liked it. Suddenly he picked me up and carried me to a little sheltered grove nearby. And.. And that’s where I lost my maidenhead, and where this poor bastard was conceived. Oh Joseph! Doesn’t the child deserve a better name than that?

JOSEPH
Did you ever see the soldier again?

MARY
No. I prayed that I might, but he never returned. He must have been part of a platoon on the way to Judea. How could I have become pregnant so quickly?

JOSEPH
You could say you were raped. By a Roman infidel invader. You’d have sympathy.

MARY
Announcing a rape six weeks after it happened? I don’t think so. Besides, it wasn’t rape. I wouldn’t have stopped what was happening for the world. It was wonderful, apart from the pain and blood at the end. This was a handsome man who found me as desirable as I found him. I sort of realised that such a chance would never come again.

JOSEPH
Well, there’ll certainly be no more Roman soldiers for you after we’ve wed.

MARY
One was quite enough. Then you’ll still marry me, Joseph?

JOSEPH
Not only to save you from being stoned, but also to have the honor of such a brave and understanding young woman as my partner. You’re amazing, Mary.

MARY
It’s agreed that we don’t desire each other physically. But we respect each other, and that’s good enough for me. As far as you and Jonathan are concerned, don’t let our marriage spoil your love for each other. You can have him to stay as often as you like, as long as you’re discreet.

JOSEPH
Bless you, Mary! But unfortunately, Jonathan’s leaving. He’s going to find work in Egypt. He’s setting off tomorrow.

MARY
Egypt. That’s a long way away.

JOSEPH
He said he wanted to get out of this place, to somewhere he could be free, unshackled by the traditions and taboos of our religion.

MARY
How wonderful it would be to be able to do that! We’re stifled here.

JOSEPH
He asked me to go with him. I’ve thought about it, but I’m not as brave as he is. And besides, you and I have been pledged, and my father will expect to see a troop of grandchildren to continue the family name.

MARY

One child will be enough for me. But, oh, to be able to bring it up free from the constraints of our culture! Why should an innocent baby boy, for instance, be subjected to the barbaric practice of circumcision? A painful and bloody mutilation of the innocent helpless victim! I’ve never understood the ritual.

JOSEPH
It’s a holy tradition. We accept without thinking. We’re children, led by older children.

MARY
Sadistic bullies! Stoning for adulterers and men who lie with men! It would be better if there were no such thing as marriage at all, and men and women could choose their partners as they wished!

JOSEPH
It’s amazing how much of a mind we are, Mary. And to think I would never have discovered what a free spirit you are, if not for… your unfortunate situation.

MARY
My miracle? Oh Joseph, let’s make it one! Let’s go to Egypt with Jonathan! We could make a new life there together! We could all be free!

JOSEPH
Steady on, Mary! It’s a great idea, but can you imagine the ruckus it would cause amongst our families if I suddenly announced we were pulling up sticks from Nazareth and moving to Egypt? Besides, we have to prepare for the wedding, and Jonathan is setting off tomorrow.

MARY
Could he not delay his journey, to wait for us?

JOSEPH
It’s all the same. My family wouldn’t understand our sudden departure together. My father would kill me.

MARY
We’re trapped, aren’t we?

JOSEPH
Let Jonathan set off for Egypt tomorrow. When he gets there he can find a place for us all to live and find some carpentry work. We’ll join him in a few months time.

MARY
But I thought you said…?

JOSEPH
In December I have to go to the town of Bethlehem in Judea to register for the new tax to be levied by the Romans. Everybody has to report to the place of their birth to be recorded. I was born in Bethlehem. As my wife, you will have to accompany me to be counted on the census.

MARY
December? My condition will be quite advanced by that time.

JOSEPH
Our departure for Bethlehem will cause no concern among our families. They will see it as a necessary duty to be performed, and expect our imminent return. But we won’t return. You’ll have the baby in Bethlehem, and when you’re fit enough, we’ll travel on to Egypt, where Jonathan will be waiting for us. I’ll plan it with him tonight.

MARY
A brilliant idea. I think we’re going to get on.

JOSEPH
You’re an inspiration to me! Now, about this marriage. How am I going to explain why I want the wedding ceremony to take place as soon as possible? People are certainly going to be suspicious. In fact, we’ve been here together in the workshop too long now. You’d better get going before anyone notices your absence.

MARY
Okay. I’ll leave it up to you.

JOSEPH
How about if I use your story?

MARY
What do you mean?

JOSEPH
About the angel who came to tell you that you were going to bear the son of God? I could say that the angel came to me too, to tell me it was true. You are a virgin, pregnant with the seed of God!

MARY
Don’t you think it’s a bit far-fetched?

JOSEPH
Yeah. I like it. I’m game if you are.

MARY
Okay. You’re on. (They shake hands.)
JOSEPH
We should have the same answers. What was the angel’s name again? Beelzebub?

MARY
Gabriel. He said his name was Gabriel. Whatever. The child is our responsibility, and we shall raise the poor bastard with love and dignity in a freer country than this.

JOSEPH
He won’t be a bastard. Because of our marriage, he’ll be officially counted as mine. He’s going to be a Bethlehem boy! And my family can trace our roots right back to the line of David. I tell you, this is one lucky kid!

MARY
If it’s a boy, that is.

JOSEPH
That’s true. If it’s a girl, forget it. No power at all.

MARY
Is that fair, Joseph?

JOSEPH
It’s tradition, again.

MARY
We’ll break it, Joseph. We’ll rear this child free of religion and hypocricy and hate. Love and equality will be our faith!

JOSEPH
Amen, Mary! Amen. Now you’d better go. I’ll inform my father at supper of our speedy nuptials. God be with you!

(Mary goes out. Joseph finishes stacking some planks, then takes off his apron and hangs it up. He goes out of the workshop, wiping his hands.)