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BREAKING: Russia banned from 2014 Eurovison Sing Contest.

Wolf Blitzoid. | 23.03.2014 02:59 | Analysis | Repression | Terror War

Earlier today, in a move that stunned the international community, The West announced that Russia would be disqualified and barred entry to the 2014 Eurovision Song Contest, a move that analysts claim would seriously impact Russia's chances at winning.

A typical Russian Eurovision contest winner.
A typical Russian Eurovision contest winner.


Breaking News.

Russia is to be banned from the 2014 Eurovision Song Contest.

Earlier today, in a move that stunned the international community, The West announced that Russia would be disqualified and barred entry to the 2014 Eurovision Song Contest, a move that analysts claim would seriously impact Russia's chances at winning.

The move was strongly supported by U.S President Barack Obama, British Prime Minister David Cameron and King Tupou the 5th of Tonga.

In Russia, the rouble fell by 0.01 on end of day trading but recovered a few minutes later.

It was unclear at time of writing what the potential impact of the ban on the Eurovision Song Contest 2014 would be, but many believe that it would go ahead anyway, and that viewing figures would be unchanged from last years high of 59 viewers in Lapland.

Speaking from Downing Street, British PM David Cameron said "We fully support the decision by the Eurovision Song Contest 2014 to ban Russia from entry into this years 2014 Eurovision Song Contest for Russia's brutal and unwarranted invasion of Ukraine earlier this week. We want to send a clear message to Russia that we will not tolerate Russia invading another country on trumped up evidence that nobody believes at all, this is not the same as Iraq".

A few minutes earlier U.S President Barack Obama gave a press conference from the Whitehouse situation room in which he said "We fully support the decision by the Eurovision Song Contest 2014 to ban Russia from entry into this years 2014 Eurovision Song Contest for Russia's brutal and unwarranted invasion of Ukraine earlier this week. We want to send a clear message to Russia that we will not tolerate Russia invading another country on trumped up evidence that nobody believes at all, this is not the same as Iraq."

The move signalled that the international community fully supports the British and American position but roundly condemned Russia for its brutal and unwarranted invasion of Ukraine earlier this week, sending a clear message to Russia that it would not tolerate Russia invading another country on trumped up evidence that nobody believes at all. The international community also stated that this is not the same as Iraq.

Just minutes after the Whitehouse and Downing Street statements, King Tupou the 5th of Tonga released a statement (in Arabic) to assembled members of the international media stating "ہم مکمل طور پر یوکرائن کے روس کے سفاکانہ اور ضروری حملے اس ہفتے کے لئے اس سال میں داخلے سے 2014 گیتوں کے مقابلہ روس پابندی عائد کرنے کے گیتوں کے مقابلہ 2014 کی طرف سے فیصلے کی حمایت. ہم روس کوئی بھی بالکل، یہ عراق کے طور پر ہی نہیں ہے خیال ہے کہ اپ کے من گھڑت ثبوت پر کسی دوسرے ملک پر حملہ برداشت نہیں کریں گے کہ روس کے لئے ایک واضح پیغام بھیجنا چاہتے ہیں."

This was later translated as "We fully support the decision by the Eurovision Song Contest 2014 to ban Russia from entry into this years 2014 Eurovision Song Contest for Russia's brutal and unwarranted invasion of Ukraine earlier this week. We want to send a clear message to Russia that we will not tolerate Russia invading another country on trumped up evidence that nobody believes at all, this is not the same as Iraq."

In a bizarre development a short time later, the 1985 winner of the 2014 Eurovision Song Contest, Bobbysocks!, was criticised by the international community for a deranged outburst in which she criticised the ban and threatened to re-enter the contest on behalf of Russia. She said "How they ban Russia from the 2014 Eurovision Song Contest, is not about politics, is about singing and having party and fun. When I won in 1985, Russian band was plenty fun and have much fun and party. They only want to ban Russia because guilty over Iraq!".

Bobbysocks! was immediately condemned by the U.N when U.N special rapporteurre Chuck Buckster, the member from Illinois, said "Bobbysocks! is well known for her support for Latvian extremists. In 1986, the C.I.A found evidence that she had channelled her 2014 Eurovision Song Contest winnings to the Latvian Mujahhedeen, who then used it to launch a series of letter campaigns against the Latvian government demanding they re-open a ski centre in Rekyavich. The plot was foiled by an off-duty ski-instructor who also worked part-time as a postman. You can't trust anything she says and she is also mental."

In Russia, scene of devastation after its terrible and horrible invasion of Ukraine earlier in the week, Vladimir Shostakiavich, the Russian minister for foreign invasions, blasted the decision to ban Russia from the 2014 Eurovision Song Contest.

He said "The banning of Russia from the 2014 Eurovision Song Contest is typical of America these days and will not change our plans. If we need to, we will hold our own 2014 Eurovision Song Contest and we will invite the Chinese who have already said they will come. We already have a song to enter the contest and it is called "Don't cry for me Iraqi resistance". If the Americans wish to do this, we will also ban them from taking part in 2014 Asian Monster Truck rally to be held in special track we made in Moscow. Everybody is coming and Americans will look stupid if they are banned".

Report ends.

Wolf Blitzoid.