Crivvens! Jings! And Help Ma Boab! It is with no great sadness that we mourn the passing of ‘Tommy Robinson’ and the death of his political career. It ended ignominiously, not with a great trial for freedom of speech that would ensure his martyrdom amongst the last few of his deluded followers, but a grubby fraud conviction that exposed him as little more than a spiv and, according to the beak, a fixer and not a very good one at that. Fraudster Tommy is no stranger to prison and, in fact, is a career criminal. Although his inner clan tried to pass off his dismal record as political, facts showed that, apart from breaking bail conditions a couple of times when he really had little choice (Tower Hamlets 1, the van), his criminal history is one of violence, swindling and being an eejit.

Tommy was first jailed for assault: as he was attacking the fragrant Miss Jenna Vowles nee Mrs Robinson, an off-duty policeman intervened, it kicked off and Tommy ended up serving a 12 month sentence for assault. Tommy was convicted of football hooliganism on the day he appeared on Newsnight, which the programme’s researchers utterly failed to point out to Paxman; he was nicked in Switzerland where he had gone to protest to FIFA about poppies but ended up on jail there; and he was done for headbutting someone at the disastrous Blackburn demo. He was done for breaching bail conditions at Tower Hamlets when he turned up dressed as a rabbit as well as on his totally bogus ‘Chawity Wawk!’ at Aldgate (what is it with that tube station? The EDL just can’t get past it). He was later arrested for not surrendering his passport to police and was amongst 50 of his foolish brethren when they all got nicked in that van fiasco after being grassed up by a certain EDL member (name available on request!). Tommy was held in prison whilst the others were let go at midnight in their underpants and paper forensic suits looking very stupid indeed. Tommy was then done for using a false passport to gain entry into the USA for which he received a sentence where he allegedly underwent a ‘moment of clarity’ and ‘realised’ that the EDL was full of far right eejits. He should have kept tabs on the ‘Malatesta’ blog cos we’ve been pointing that out for over 4 years now!

After being released from priz for the passport thing, Tommy ‘spectacularly’ backed out of the EDL by hopping over to the equally questionable Quilliam Foundation who it seems were keen on using him to secure funding. Tommy had been trying to get out of the EDL for some time and tried to get ‘political’ by joining British Freedom, the fluffy fascist spin-off from the BNP, who ended up sacking him as a liability in light of his upcoming legal woes. They eventually collapsed because someone forgot to pay their electoral fees and because Tommy had promised and failed to deliver the EDL vote.

Tommy and his coterie of sycophants at EDL HQ were never slow to reach for the begging bowl: from the start of the EDL it was clear that he was making a lot of money from merchandise that is still unaccounted for which was pointed out by several former members. Each time Tommy was nicked the appeal was made for legal funds which, again, were unaccounted for, as were various donations for walky-talkies and other such paraphernalia. Tommy’s choice of designer clothes, sunglasses and expensive motors were frequently commented on by both supporters and opponents and for all his ‘man of the people’ bollocks, Mr Yaxley-Hyphen was also revealed to be a nasty little Thatcherite who owned a tanning salon as well as several properties. Hardly the working class hero, more like a Tory in Tacchini.

Tommy’s connection with a certain Alan Lake/Ayling was exposed by anti-fascists and it became clear that Tommy’s ‘street army’ was being manipulated by behind the scenes players who had a keen interest on keeping the Israeli flags flying. Ayling promptly disappeared after being sacked from some job or other but not before Tommy had taken public speaking classes.

That Tommy was a spiv and clearly out to milk the EDL’s epididymis became quickly apparent, as did his flagrant egomania: his courting by slack media-ites who were out for an easy story or daytime radio slags who needed to fill up airtime was embarrassing. Whilst his supporters may have lauded him on demo days, Tommy’s media appearances ranged from the depressing (Newsnight) to the stupid and careless (the ‘Breivik’ comment documentary). His angry wasp in a bottle style did not stand up to sterner and more informed critics: Tommy couldn’t resist a request to appear in the media even if it was to debate the Koran with Islamic experts and he ended up looking like a proper twat. His public speaking career hit an all time low when he turned up for a demo in Bristol but was so blootered he had to go and sleep it off in the van. He also made a massive blunder at Walthamstow 1 by running away when faced with 1,000s of anti-fascists whilst his supporters ended up being kettled for about 10 hours and had to wee in public. Mucho fallouts occurred.

The last few EDL demos were woeful to say the least and Tommy hardly turned up for any of them: their disastrous performance at Walsall in 2012 saw dozens of them jailed for naughtiness recently; the multiple splits, arguments and fall outs, inevitably over ‘egos, status and backstabbing’ saw many leaving angry and disappointed; the split between the Infidels and EDL damaged them after the Blackburn fiasco; and Mrs Tommy kicking him out all weighed in on him as did the judge at the fraud trial who gave him 18 months.

The EDL first ‘national demo’ of 2014 was at Slough which was piss-poor: 130 tops turned up whilst 4 times as many anti-fascists mobilised. But despite this the EDL still announced an overtly optimistic list of demos which will be exponentially smaller until the EDL disappears up its own absence. The only real worry anti-fascists face this year is whether to go down to Brighton and confront the March for England’s yearly rendezvous with 100s of plod whilst a massive show of opposition goes on around them.

So, farewell then, Tommy Robinson. The EDL project, at 1 point growing alarmingly, was beset by financial and personal problems and ultimately sunk by incompetence; Tommy spent increasing amounts of time in jail, oh, sorry – working in Saudi Arabia as he tells his kids (‘so why no suntan Dad?’ ‘Cos the shop’s with the receivers, err, I mean …’); he is discredited by his former right wing followers and all of the left; his marriage has failed because of his egomania (family first, eh, Tommy?); and the Quilliam move was shown as a calculation to invite leniency for the fraud case which didn’t work out or as Tommy claimed ‘it’s a stitch up.’ What is yet to be uncovered is the EXACT amount of money that was made by the EDL, the question of why they never paid ANY tax on it and why the authorities have yet to investigate it, and just how much was Tommy compromised by plod. Be seeing you!

PS: congratulations to Dave 'Made In Britian' Bolton for getting twatted by your own side a 3rd time at Slough!