In my function as representative of the government of Britain, with the unbearable burden of the international tensions in mind, as a gesture of goodwill and wholehearted contrition, I am proud to announce that as of midnight this Sunday London time all restrictions of movement and travel against Julian Assange will be lifted. My government could not find any instance of forgery originating from Wikileaks, so I have decided to drop the persecution, which has become an embarrassment to this country, and unconditionally surrender all documentation of the case to the organisation. As a patriot I would like to stress that this nation has always worshipped the tradition of human rights, and with bold statements like this continues to do so. By accepting the objective of Wikileaks to operate freely and independently, we reaffirm our sacred commitment to the complete disarmament of all weapons of mass destruction and their carrier systems starting with our own.