Crivvens! Jings! And Help Ma Boab! Yesterday’s ‘international’ EDL demo outside Wandsworth was a washout in more ways that one. The idea was for Mr Tommy to hear ‘1,000s’ of EDL voices wailing in support as he sits on the nonce wing with only the Muslim Imam for company. If he was expecting this rousing chorus he is going to be very unpleased indeed! After a rather and amusing schlep around the rainy streets of Clapham we eventually found the nick and never have we been so pleased to get to jail. We stood by watching the sodden 50 odd EDL standing there, half aresedly making an effort to be heard and chanting ‘Free Tommy Mandela’ or other such nonsense to the bemusement of the equally drookit polis. Never have there been so few cops for an EDL do as yesterday and the small amount of local constabulary present illustrates what they think of Britain’s Fastest Shrinking Protest Group, i.e., nothing more than a very minor inconvenience.

We stood next to the demo in our best ‘Tommy Is A Nonce’ t-shirts but could tease nary a rise from the EDL mob who weighed more than they numbered. We saw that toothless gimmer from the miniscule Brighton lot as he and a mate were coppering up outside the off-licence. The cheeky wee radge asked us for 50p only to be told to ‘go and sell some pegs round the neighbourhood, you little scrote’ and he ran away. One EDL steward remarked to us ‘This is rubbish! Tommy is the new Jesus. Why aren’t there more people here.’ Hapless Dave ‘Bullet Head’ Bolton, who was battered by his own ‘mates’ at Walthamstow, was stewarding away and wandering about like a total bugle clearly annoyed that so few people showed up and no doubt relieved plod would prevent him from getting another kicking.

After a while we decided to head off to drier environs as this was clearly a waste of everyone’s time. We ended up in the Falcon only to find ourselves sitting adjacent to a severely dejected EDL group who began to cheer themselves up with large amounts of Stella (and cocaine too judging by the wraps my more experienced comrade found in the toilets!). Chumly fascist Trudie ‘Muffin Top’ Toker kindly opened the door for us thus allowing us to clandestinely photograph her generous proportions, however good taste required us to burn the negatives. (Trudy, ‘clandestine’ means secret, love!).

Not only that but EDL balloon Kevin Smith has left the organisation as his long suffering missus is now a Muslamic convert thus bringing the wrath of the fading fascists down upon both their houses! Anyway, this was supposed to be the last EDL ‘national’ action of a truly appalling year and it was extremely piss-poor. Mr Tommy will hardly be ultra-chuffed at such a weak display of solidarity as he will be spending Christmas in jail – despite the FACT that THEY have banned it! Be Seeing You!

PS: apologies for not hooking up with folk yesterday. This was due to abysmal phone reception!