Gift to the people of Nottingham and wise leader of The Party, Councillor Jon Collins, made a flawless appearance at a People's Consultation meeting in Hyson Green tonight. The leader's statesmanlike presence at a vibrant forum of democracy was praised by local party officials and humble residents alike. The only stain on the occasion was the presence of a rabble of anti-democracy nihilists who used the opportunity to show their jealousy of comrade Collins by handing out a defamatory leaflet. We have no doubt that they are in the pay of the evil Tories.

Councillor Collins was attending a 'Leader Listens' event, to round off a most wonderful and democractic consultation of his loyal subjects about how best to remove their Council Tax Benefit. An enormous crowd of 5 members of the public had confidence that the leader would listen to their concerns and they were joined by 8 or 9 local party functionaries. In our Leader's traditional style, the aim was to appear to listen rather than to change his flawless mind. After all, who could make a better decision for this city than Leader Collins, guiding the strong ship of The Party through the waters of progress. We all joined in a rousing rendition of our anthem: "We are proud! We are clean! We are safe!"

But we must remain ever vigilant to guard against the enemies of this radiant reign of The People. A group of reactionary thugs gathered at the door of the venue to hand out seditious leaflets smearing the good name of Councillor Collins. These poisonous and defamatory leaflets sought to suggest that our leader has been engaged in sordid background deals to give his mates preferential treatment in the allocation of Council properties such as the Radford Unity Complex and Nottingham City Homes properties. As the great man himself said on the night "They will have to try harder than that to make me look shady!"

Faithful servant of the party, Berridge Councillor Toby Neale, remonstrated with these fascists in a display of righteous anger and devotion to his leader. He explained to these ignorant fools the time-honoured Collins proverb that "If a man is not actually caught with his hand in the till, no one can say that he is guilty". The mob dispersed into the night, running like rats from the bright flame of the Leader's wisdom.

For Democracy! For Freedom! For Collins!