In 1649 and the close of the second English Civil War, Britain came very close to being great, with the beheading of Charles I – the best cut of all! However, since Cromwell and his ilk then betrayed all our ancestors' hard work and reinstalled the monarchy, things went down hill from there.

Now, 361 years later, the British public are still being robbed and subjugated to feather these inbred parasites' nests. Figures are difficult to ascertain, due to a shroud of bureaucracy, laws and misinformation, but best estimates place the Windsors' annual expenses and allowances at a figure around £40-50 million. Making a mockery of any concept of democracy, the Battenberg/Windsor family have been granted positions of heridatory government, even though we've never once voted for them and they know nothing about life for ordinary people, or display any competence. This nation's history is a sad one of being invaded and invading others, and the Royals are a blatant reminder of that shame, an everyday symbol of a brutal past and decadent present; whilst we struggle to make ends meet, they flaunt their ill-gotten wealth, with 'Her Majesty' even going so far as applying to the Community Energy Fund back in Autumn, to lessen their heating costs. It seems their soul purpose is to give tourists a good chuckle over our medieval ways, and to clog up our newspapers and airwaves with bushels of yet more useless celebrity trivia pap.

Even if we can't enjoy the sight and sounds of “Off with their heads”, let's at least strip these scroungers of their titles and privilege, and put them to work like the rest of us.

Yet now, they're really taking the piss! Whilst an unelected government Con-Dems us to a £60 billion plus program of easily avoidable cuts – a politically-motivated attack against anyone who's not from Eton – we are now expected to shell out a further £80 million on Royal Wedding security. But could the spectacle of the happy couple's 'special day' actually be a smokescreen, cynically arranged to distract us from the savagery of the Coalition's class war antics?

So, instead of gawping at the box on Friday the 29th April, why not join us in Royal Victoria Park (oh, the irony!) in Bath, for a Picnic Against Parasites! Meeting at the war memorial at midday, please dress for the occasion, and bring food, drink, music, friends and banners; oh, and the odd effigy to burn, too.