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Bradford completely destroyed by EDL, millions dead.

Sargant Bill Flatfoot | 29.08.2010 03:01 | Analysis | Anti-racism

So there we have it. After months of disinformation, deviancy and nobody really knowing who anybody else is, the "big one" turned out to be a bit of a "small one".

So there we have it. After months of disinformation, deviancy and nobody really knowing who anybody else is, the "big one" turned out to be a bit of a "small one".

As Bradford prepared for the worst, and much of the city didn't grind to a halt, thousands of supporters of the morally wayward Extremist Defence Lodge didn't show up for their big moment in the drizzle. Of course I wasn't there, so don't take this as a personal account of what happened, but in the finest tradition of good old corporate journalism I can do the next best thing. I'm going to make it up as I go along.

It was a drizzly day and the sky was soaked with the kind of tension that only a low pressure north westerly front could bring. In Bradford, nothing much was happening. True, there was a pigeon but that flew off. As it leapt dramatically into the sky, a police radio buzzed into action nearby. A traffic light in the city centre was on the blink again.

Driving past that traffic light, a coach rumbled past, its driver, a small bloke with some sandwiches in a tupperware box tucked into his "day bag" shifted gear and looked out for a place to park his coach. Little did he know that he was carrying a cargo of DEATH. He shifted gear again but missed and crunched the gear box.

Across town, a police officer stood next to another police officer and chatted about their overtime bonuses. Little did they know, that in a few short minutes their lives would be forever changed by dozens of working class "War on Terror vanguardists" who would allow themselves to be herded into a police pen and safely controlled in a good example of modern inner city community policing.

The tension was almost detectable.

Standing near to the police, some photographers wearing combat fatigues, Nato helmets and carrying emergency medical supplies, including morphine, ketamin, bandages, syringes, burns and trauma medi-packs and emergency passports eyed each other suspiciously, nervously fingering the shutter buttons of their idiotically complicated camera's and wondering whether they would ever see their loved ones again.

And then it happened.

Nobody I spoke to could say how it started. But as I wasn't there this seems trivial.

All anybody knows is that it was awful, an awful embarrassment.

They came from all directions all at the same time. Some from the bus station, some from the car park, some from a nearby pub, one was even spotted arriving on a squeaky bicycle. In a whirling fury they ambled along the pavement and checked with pedestrians they were in the right place. In a lamentable and pathetic example of all that is wrong with humanity one even arrived by car, his mother dropping him off on her way to work at the "fish n chip" shop in the high street. The horrifying moment of judgement day had arrived.

The EDL had actually not got lost and had found their way to Bradford.

The world prepared for the worst and wondered if this was the end of humanity, and then stopped doing that and checked the TV schedules to see what time X Factor was on.

This "eyewitness who wasn't anywhere near Bradford" would like to report carnage having erupted in the city but as there wasn't any it seems pointless to carry on....let's all stand about with our hands in our pockets shuffling our feet and stare at the floor instead while we have a little embarrassed whistle!

So where now for the EDL?

Well the football season is starting so some will go there. Others, having finally met the "love of their life" will quietly slink away and hope no one's noticed. Others will realise that their bail terms have run out and will be winging their way to one of the notorious "Her Majesty's Pleasure Centre's" and the few left will be left standing around scratching their heads wondering why doing Nazi salutes isn't popular.

The last one remaining will be left to endlessly bore his relatives to death. May they rest in peace.

Sargant Bill Flatfoot
- e-mail: helmets-and-codpieces@met.cop
- Homepage: http://www.met.cop/allo-allo-allo.html

Comments

Hide the following 8 comments

Well done!

29.08.2010 08:36

This is the best 'EDL in Bradford' story posted on here by miles. A little perspective at last.

Fat Kid


So funny!

29.08.2010 09:15

Thanks mate, made my day this has.

chikkinothewoods


re: EDL violence in central London last year

29.08.2010 14:15

"it is not EDL thugs causing trouble but Anarchists."

I think you'll find most people here are fine with rioting and causing trouble as long as it is aimed at the right people. Those with wealth and power deserve all the negative attention they get. Racists like the EDL are too busy with their noses up the arses of the ruling classes and are targeting people who don't deserve it, purely because of their skin color or their cultural and ethnic background.

Far more offensive are those people who DON'T cause trouble but help perpetuate the worst excesses of the system by their apathy.

@non


Reality Check 2.

29.08.2010 14:26

"Racists like the EDL are too busy with their noses up the arses of the ruling classes and are targeting people who don't deserve it, purely because of their skin color or their cultural and ethnic background."

Wonderfully put. Couldn't agree more.

The EDL are stooges of the state. Minions/servants and vassals. They only understand false loyalties. They only want something to obey!

T


proof of provacetuers& state agents dressed as anarchists at G20s

29.08.2010 16:18

Undercover provo@G20s  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfsYXcc6xLI&feature=related

29.08.2010 16:06
one demo is full of hatred & racism,
one is largely sound systems carnivalesque,
Wonder which one people like the most& which one George bush, PNAC who set up Bin laden like the most???
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Zf2nCiBJLo

proof of provacetuers& state agents dressed as anarchists at G20s
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Qje0K7QBEg&feature=related
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVtJET5GBLk&feature=related
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T67Qqk2QWCU&feature=related
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfsYXcc6xLI&feature=related
pittsburghers show how to deal with provocatuers, these provacetuers are hated by decent people including decent people in security forces. The same types stirred up& committed murder on both sides in N. Ireland, in the 80s & 90s UK corporations wasted our resources as the biggest dealers of crowd control equipment in the world.
We can be proud of magna carta& the levellers, shame on corporate agents that do this& the EDL

LOL

Reality Cheeko;)


Great report

30.08.2010 14:42

what with all the EDL knobs coming on here and the constant space being given to them,
this post is truly refreshing.
nice one

Countryside Anarchist


re: re: EDL violence in central London last year

30.08.2010 20:26

"I think you'll find most people here are fine with rioting and causing trouble as long as it is aimed at the right people. Those with wealth and power deserve all the negative attention they get. Racists like the EDL are too busy with their noses up the arses of the ruling classes and are targeting people who don't deserve it, purely because of their skin color or their cultural and ethnic background.

Far more offensive are those people who DON'T cause trouble but help perpetuate the worst excesses of the system by their apathy."

anon