Defending against the UAF
Zefiris | 09.12.2009 00:16
December the 5th was a monumental day for the British public. During the EDL march through Nottingham city centre violent clashes occurred between the two opposing groups
A small number of EDL discovered the UAFs greatest weakness however during a skirmish at The Bank pub where the EDL were outnumbered. “Soap” Reverend Lovejoy, member of the EDL informed us. For a few seconds there things were looking pretty tense then one of our lads pulled from his pocket his latest purchase from Lush soap shop. A bar of pineapple tainted soap that he had bought for Christmas. “The UAF ran a mile, they took one look at the soap and scampered. Two even took up the foetal position in the corner until we took pity on them and removed the offending bar of soap.
After this revelation the EDL have issued a statement to all its members attending demos.
“The left side are similar to vampires in many ways, pale pasty skin, shunning sunlight, gaunt, hungered expression and a sense of self loathing. The shunning sunlight though is brought on by not going outside much due to been in their parents basements talking tough on internet websites rather than having a skin condition that makes sunlight harmful to them”
The EDLs leaders then go on to suggest defensive steps to take when opposing the UAF.
1) Wear a soap-on-a-rope around your neck at all times. Soap repels lefties like garlic or the crucifix repels vampires.
2) Carry a bottle of water. It has been suggested that due to the stench of the unwashed hordes of the UAF they have an allergy to water. This may have the same effect that holy water does on vampires.
3) When confronting the UAF if you wish to confuse and disorientate them engage them in an intelligent debate. Freedom of speech and expression is one of the left sides kryptonites. They oppose it and if confronted with people expressing any opinion that differs from their own they will immediately start a “BNP off our streets” chant a few times before huddling in a corner whilst muttering to themselves about the nasty Nazis.
4) Carry the flag of St George. This is like a red cloth to a bull as the English Flag been waved instantly antagonises the UAF and whips them into a frenzy. This makes them do stupid things like attack the police in order to try and get at the EDL which resorts in clubs from Old bills batons and bites from Old Bills dogs.
5) Don’t breath. The Antifa and UAF have a defensive mechanism called BO or Body Odour. This is a pheromone released that smells repugnant and is done in order to make others stay away from them.
6) Likewise avoid contact with hair. UAFs hair contains parasites called nits, the UAF have trained these to latch onto non-lefties where they then burrow into their brain and attempt to turn normal people into one of them. This is similar to the Vampires bite turning normal people into vampires.
A small number of EDL discovered the UAFs greatest weakness however during a skirmish at The Bank pub where the EDL were outnumbered. “Soap” Reverend Lovejoy, member of the EDL informed us. For a few seconds there things were looking pretty tense then one of our lads pulled from his pocket his latest purchase from Lush soap shop. A bar of pineapple tainted soap that he had bought for Christmas. “The UAF ran a mile, they took one look at the soap and scampered. Two even took up the foetal position in the corner until we took pity on them and removed the offending bar of soap.
After this revelation the EDL have issued a statement to all its members attending demos.
“The left side are similar to vampires in many ways, pale pasty skin, shunning sunlight, gaunt, hungered expression and a sense of self loathing. The shunning sunlight though is brought on by not going outside much due to been in their parents basements talking tough on internet websites rather than having a skin condition that makes sunlight harmful to them”
The EDLs leaders then go on to suggest defensive steps to take when opposing the UAF.
1) Wear a soap-on-a-rope around your neck at all times. Soap repels lefties like garlic or the crucifix repels vampires.
2) Carry a bottle of water. It has been suggested that due to the stench of the unwashed hordes of the UAF they have an allergy to water. This may have the same effect that holy water does on vampires.
3) When confronting the UAF if you wish to confuse and disorientate them engage them in an intelligent debate. Freedom of speech and expression is one of the left sides kryptonites. They oppose it and if confronted with people expressing any opinion that differs from their own they will immediately start a “BNP off our streets” chant a few times before huddling in a corner whilst muttering to themselves about the nasty Nazis.
4) Carry the flag of St George. This is like a red cloth to a bull as the English Flag been waved instantly antagonises the UAF and whips them into a frenzy. This makes them do stupid things like attack the police in order to try and get at the EDL which resorts in clubs from Old bills batons and bites from Old Bills dogs.
5) Don’t breath. The Antifa and UAF have a defensive mechanism called BO or Body Odour. This is a pheromone released that smells repugnant and is done in order to make others stay away from them.
6) Likewise avoid contact with hair. UAFs hair contains parasites called nits, the UAF have trained these to latch onto non-lefties where they then burrow into their brain and attempt to turn normal people into one of them. This is similar to the Vampires bite turning normal people into vampires.
Zefiris
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