One day in jail. Two days in jail. Three days in jail. Four days in jail. Christ. Five days in jail. Six days in jail, seven. Today is my eighth day in jail. Nine days in jail. Ten days in jail. Eleven days in jail. Twelve days in jail. The door opens and close, opens and closes. Thirteen days in jail. Fourteen days in jail. Fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen. A jail is a jail is a jail is a jail, nineteen days in jail. Twenty days in jail. Twenty days already. Twenty-one, twenty-two days in jail. Twenty-three days in jail. Twenty-four days in jail. Twenty-five days in jail. Twenty-six days in jail. Twenty-seven days in jail. Twenty-eight days in jail. Twenty-nine days in jail. One month. Another twenty-nine months in jail and then I’ll be free. Thirty-one days in jail. Thirty-two days in jail. Thirty-three days in jail. Thirty-four days in jail. Thirty-five, six, seven, eight, nine, forty days in jail. The walls of the jail. The ceiling of the jail, the jail of the jail. Forty-one days in jail. Forty-two days in jail. Forty-three days in jail. Forty-four – how will people be when I get out? – days in jail. Forty-five days in jail. Forty-six days in jail. Forty-seven days in jail. Forty-eight days in jail. Forty-nine days in jail. Oh fuck … this entire jail. Fifty days in this fucking shitty jail. Fifty-one days in jail. Fifty-two days in jail. Fifty-three, fifty-four days in jail. Fifty-five days in jail. Fifty-six days in jail. Fifty-seven days in jail. Fifty-eight days in jail. Fifty-nine days in jail. Fifty-nine days in jail. Today there is no passage of time. Sixty days in jail. Who knows if the others dream of me as much as I dream of them. Sixty-one days in jail. Sixty-two days in jail. Sixty-three days in jail. Sixty-four days in jail. Sixty-five days in jail. Sixty-six days in jail. Sixty-seven days in jail. Sixty-eight days in jail. Sixty-eight … sixty-eight … in 1968 … now I’m really of date … ty-nine days in jail. Seventy days in jail. Seventy-one days in jail. Seventy-two days in jail. Seventy-three days in jail. Seventy-four days in jail. Seventy-five days in jail. Jail has its own smell, I’ll never be able to get it off me, all the soap and scent of a detergent factory wouldn’t be enough to remove it, and everybody’ll know I’ve been in jail. Seventy-six days in jail. I could explode at any moment. Seventy-nine. Eighty days in jail. In jail you start to reel. Eighty-one days in jail. In jail you start to reel. Eighty-two days in jail. In jail you start to reel. Eighty-three days in jail. Eighty-four days in jail. Eighty-five days in jail. Eighty-six days in jail. Eighty-seven, eighty-eight, eighty-nine days in THIS ETERNAL JAIL. Ninety days in jail. Now I’m busting. Ninety-one days in jail. Ninety-two days in jail. Ninety-three days in jail. Ninety-four days in jail. Ninety-five days in jail. I have diarrhea. Ninety-six days in jail. Ninety-seven days in jail. Ninety-eight days in jail. Ninety-nine. One hundred days in jail. Hurray, let’s break out the champagne. Very funny. 101 days in jail. 102 days in jail. 103 days in jail. 104 days in jail. 105 days in jail. 106 days in jail. 107 days in jail. 108 days in jail. 109 million days in jail. 110 million days in jail. Millions and trillions and fantastillions of days in dark jails … 111 days in jail, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19 days in jail. 120 days in jail. For a week now I’ve been jerking off three times a day, I want to see if I lose my passion. 121 days in jail. Uh. 122 days in jail. Uh. 123 days in, 123 days in. Uh. Jail. 124 days, 5, 6 in jail days. Oh. Uh. 127 days in jail. 128 days in jail. 129 days in jail. 130 days in jail. And 130 days less to live. Goddammit. 131 days in jail. And a barrel of rum and a barrel of rum. 132 days in jail. 133 days in jail. And then, 134 days in jail and 135 days in jail and my belly aches I feel sick as a dog and it must be this this shitty water or this lethal wine – the filthy pigs. Uh. 136 days in jail, 6, 7, 8, 9, 140 days in jail. Prison rhymes with cotillion. Even dancing makes me sick. I can’t think of anything that makes me sicker. Than dancing. But let’s not talk nonsense. Jail is worse. Worse … Uh. 141 days in jail. 142 days in jail. 143 days in jail. 144 days in jail. 145 days in jail. 146 days in jail. 147 days in jail. 148 days in jail. 149 days in jail. 150 days – if only I could sleep like Rip Van Winkle and wake up beneath a tree in two and a half years – 150 days in jail, I was saying. 151, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, days in jail (this week really flew). 158 days in jail. 159 days in jail. 160 days for doing something wrong for doing something wrong in jail. 161 days in jail. 162 days in jail. 163 days in jail. 164 days in JA/UH/AIL. Ah. 165 days in jail. 16…1… Uh. Uh. Uh. 160 DAYS IN JA/UH/AIL. 161 days, 2, 3, 4 in, days, in, jail. This is jail, undoubtedly. 165 days in jail. People get stabbed in jail. 166 days in jail and 167 days in jail. 168 days in jail. 169 days in jail. So, let’s say that twenty months equal 600 days. 600 days plus 120 from four more months equal 720. Let’s round it off to 750, and there it is … 750 minus the 170 days I’ve already done in jail equals … 580 days still left to do in this filthy jail. Unless they pardon me for good behavior. Ah. I’ve gotten a hard-on again. Cool out, cock, there’s no point in getting excited … 171 days in jail. 172 days in jail. Wait a minute, I made a mistake the other day. Thirty months – two and a half years in jail. Not twenty-four months! ! ! … Thirty months; 900 days minus the 172 days in jail I’ve already done equal … 728 days in jail. Uh. Still to do. 173 days in jail. 174 days in jail. 175 days in jail. 176 days in jail. 177 days in jail. 178 days in jail. 179 days in jail. 180 days in jail. 181 days in jail. Jail plus jail only equals jail. 182, 3, 4 days in jail. Yesterday, today, yesterday, today, yesterday yesterday. Today. 185 days in jail. 186, 7 days in jail. We play soccer in the courtyard. I kick the ball as violently as I can. As if the ball were that pig, the shitty judge who gave me two and a half years, two and a half years of JAIL. 188, 9, 90 days in jail. 191 days in jail. 192 days in jail. 193 days in jail. I’m itchy all over. I can’t sleep. My eyes are red. Even though I don’t read. Reading makes me sick. I have a ton of books here. But reading makes me sick. 195 days in jail. 196 days in jail. 197 days. 198. 199. 200 days in jail. Hurray, let’s have a drink. When I get out I’m going to settle on one of Saturn’s rings so nobody can ever again break MY BALLS! ! ! 201 days in jail. 202 days in jail. 203 days in jail. 204 days in jail and so on. 205 days in jail. 206 days in jail. 207 days in jail. 208 days in jail. And 209 da … wait a minute, the other day, my 206th day in jail, was my birthday … FUCK … 210 days in jail I hate you you make me sick. 211 days in jail. 212 days in jail. How will things be when I get out? Normal? 213 days in jail. I’ve learned how to sew. Yesterday I had sex with a man. First I took it – then I gave it. I couldn’t jerk off any more, I’d had enough of that. He is very young. 214, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 220 days in jail. Uh. 221 days in jail. 222 days in jail 223 days in jail 224 days in jail. 225 days in jail. 226 days in jail. Today there are some new arrivals. Three men sent up for armed robbery. A murderer. And a purse-snatcher. 227 days in jail. 228 days in jail. 229 days in jail. 230, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39 DAYS IN JAIL. 240 days, eight months in jail. Today I saw Daria. I saw her a month ago too. The way she looks at me is different from before…. I’m afraid she doesn’t love me any more. 241 days in jail. Dling-sdling. It’s nighttime. They’ve woken me up. ENOUGH WITH THAT FUCKING NOISE … I’M HERE … WHERE DO YOU THINK I’M GOING? … 242. Days in jail. 243 days in jail. 244 days in jail and 245. Days less to do in jail. Up your ass with this shit, I won’t give you the satisfaction of killing you like dogs so you can beat me for the next 246 days in jail. 247 days in jail. 248 days in jail. 249 days in jail. 250 days in jail. Tried speed, heroin, acid, opium, grass, and hash. Uh. In one week. I’ve put my head outside this shitty jail, they can’t stop me from doing everything. My brain is mine … in jail. 251 days in jail. 252 days in jail. 253 days in jail. 254 days in jail. 255, 6, 7, 8, 9, 260 days in jail. SDLING, SDLING. It’s night again. the 261st night of the 261st day in jail. 263 days in jail. 264 days in jail. 265 days in jail. I’d like to sleep through 500 days of freedom on an iceberg and I wouldn’t give a fuck whether I died from pneumonia…. 266 days in jail, 268 days in jail. 269. 260 days in jail. 271, 72, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 280 days in jail. I’m afraid. SOLITUDE IS A DARK ARMY ON THE HORIZON…. 281 days in jail. Bum. 283 days in jail. Bum. 284 days in jail. Bum. 285 days in jail. Bum. 286 days in jail. Bum. 287 days in 288 days in, 289 days in JAIL. Ailailailailailailailail. Who remembers anything … when I came … it must have been a – 290 days in jail – Thursday. A Thursday in jail. 291 days in jail. 293 days in jail. 294 days in jail. That guy in next cell has finished his sentence. Lucky him. Ten years. Maybe I’ll make it too. 295 days in jail. Uh. 296 days in jail 297 days, 98, 99. THREE HUNDRED DAYS IN JAIL. Was there a suicide last night? Ah, yes. A suicide. With a razor. It was a neat little job, he passed away quietly. They won’t pick on that guy again. 301 days in this fucking shitty jail. 302, 303, 304 days in jail. THE HARDENED HEART IS A RARE QUALITY VALUABLE TO MY BITTERLY MELANCHOLIC SELF, HARDLY ALIVE AND COMPACTLY SAD FOR 305 DAYS IN JAIL. 306 days in jail. 307 days in jail. 308 days in jail. 309 days in jail. 310 days in jail. Tedium. Tedium. Tedium.Tedium. Tedium. Tedium. Tedium. Tedium. Tedium. Tedium. Tedium. Tedium. Tedium. Tedium. Tedium. Tedium. Tedium. Tedium. Tedium. Tedium. Tedium. 311 days in jail. 312 days in jail. 313. Days. Uh. In. Jail. 314 days in jail. 315 days days days days days and days. Uh. 316 days in jail with me. All for me. Oh how splendid. 318 days in jail. Oh how splendid. 319 days in jail. Oh how splendid. 320 days, 21, 22, 23. Yes. 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29. Ahhh. 330 days in this marvelous jail and it’s all just for me. Are you satisfied, dear judges? Indeed. 331 days in jail. 332 days in jail. 333 days in jail. 334 days in jail. 335 days in jail. 336 days in jail. 337, 38, 39, 40, 41, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. 350 days in jail. What will all this time in jail do to me? What 351 will 352 all 353 this 354 time 355 in 356 jail 357 do 358 to 358 me days in jail? Pigs. 359 days in jail. 360 pigs. 360 pigs days. 360 pigs days in jail. When I get out I’m going to hold an exhibition in some square. I’ll exhibit a cubicle. And I’ll shut people inside it for a day. So they can see what jail is like. 361, 2. 3. 4. 5. 4. 5. 4. 5. Oh. Oh. 365 days in jail. A YEAR ALREADY. HEY. 366 days in jail. 367 days in jail. 368 days in jail. Oh quick, hurry up please, another year in jail and then just six more months. And then I’m finished. Uh. 369 days in jail in jail in jail in jail in jail in jail in jail injailin injailin. Already. In jail. 370 days in jail. 371 days in jail. 372 days of how will I manage to fuck the drain Christ since I haven’t seen an ass, I don’t say a cunt, an ass, for 373 days in jail. And 374 and 375 and 376 and 377 and 378 and 379 and 380 T.H.R.E.E.H.U.N.D.R.E.D.A.N.D.E.I.G.H.T.Y.D.A.Y.S. I. N. J. A. I. L. I am forbidden to take the daily stroll for two days since I had a small pair of scissors. 382, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 90. 391 days in jail. 392 days in jail. Oh when I get out. Oh when I get out. Oh when I get out. Oh when I get out. Oh when I get out. 393 days in jail. 394 days in jail. 5, 6, 7, 8. 399, 400 days in jail. What can I hope for at this point. Who will give me back these 401 days in jail. Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh? 402, 3, 4, 5. 406 days in jail. My room is my room. I am I. The wall is the wall. Three meters by three meters, all mine. Nine heavenly square meters over which I pace. I have walked kilometers in a few meters. Oh. Uh. How many kilometers have I covered … 407 days in jail. 408 days in jail. 409 days in jail. 410 days in jail. 411 days in jail. 412 days in jail. Oh Daria how were you? I’ve forgotten you Christ I’ve forgotten you how angry how angry how angry I am that I’ve forgotten you. I had thought about taking a long trip before the judges gave me 750 days in jail. Still, I have already spent 413 days and most of my sentence is over. 414. 415. 416. 417. 418. Uh. 419 days in jail. What kind of clothing styles will there be when I get out? 420 days in jail. 421 days in jail. 422 days in jail. 423 days in jail. 424 days in jail. LONG LIVE CUNT is written in the toilet and also WHOEVER READS THIS IS FUCKED UP. But LONG LIVE CUNT is written there the most times. I’ve counted 141 of them. 141, got it? 425 days in jail. 426 days in jail. Yesterday three inmates smashed the color TV. So no game. What shit. What utter shit. What balls. What shit. What a mess. What shit. It’s the worst shit I’ve ever encountered in my life. 427 days in jail. 428 days in jail. 429 days in jail. 430, 31, 32, 33, 34, 3 … Hey. They’ve gotten another TV. 43 … They broke it again. 438 days jail. 439 days in jail. Yesterday was 439 days and the chaplain came and I gave him a kick in the ass. Many. Kicks. In. His ass. What. Satisfaction. Stop. Jail. 440 days in jail. They’ve put me in solitary confinement for a week. Do you think a week compares with the satisfaction I felt when I gave the chaplain all those kicks in his ass? Uh. 440 days in jail. 41. And 42. And forty-three. And 44. And forty-five. And 46. And forty-seven. Solitary confinement is over but I still have a good bit of my sentence left. 448 days in jail. 449 days in jail. 450 days in jail. 451 days in jail. 452 days in jail. I deliberately cut myself with some broken glass. In order to go to the infirmary and get some morphine and pass time on the outside. 462 … ten days in the infirmary … I broke all the windows … I cut myself all over but time passed. 463 days in jail. 464, 5, 6, 7, days in jail. 468 days in jail. Uh. I knew an inmate who occupied the prison / I knew an inmate who knows occupied the prison / He called me “Fortunate” / He called me / I knew an inmate who occupied the prison / 400 69 / I / days in jail. 470, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90 days in 91 jail. 492 days in jail. Uh. Ho. Uh. I’ve found a way to make the days pass more quickly. I continually hold my breath until I’m ready to burst. Then I faint. I got through today very quickly. And yesterday too. 493 days in jail. 494 days in jail. 95, ty-six, ty-seven, ty-eight, ninety-nine. FIVE HUNDRED DAYS IN THIS FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKED-UP FUCKED-UP FUCKED-UP FUCKING FUCKING FUCKED-UP JAIL. And one and two and three and four and five and six seven. And eight and nine and 510 days in jail. Oh boys the jail the jail the jail the jail the jail comes out of me with all the walls the jail the. 511 days in jail. 512 days in jail. 513 days in jail. 514 days in jail. 515 days in jail. I’ve decided to stop talking to the others. They all say what I say. They all think what … Indeed. In the meantime I’ve started singing, today. And now I have a sore throat. Even the warden came to check it out since I was singing at the top of my voice. “What are you doing?” the idiot asked me, “what are doing?” “I’m singing. Can’t one sing?” 516 days in jail. 517 days in jail. 518 days in jail. Nineteen, twenty. Twenty-two. Twenty-three. Twenty-four. Twenty-five. My voice is strange. But it is recognizable among a thousand other voices. Now I know. 526. 527. 528. 529 days in jail I even know my feet very well and my legs and my balls. 530 days in jail I’m afraid of becoming important. I can’t masterbate any more. 531 days in jail. 532 days in jail. 533 days in jail. 534, 554, 564 days in jail. Now I can stay I stop hours and hours with my eyes closed and when I finally move it’s because I know that it’s dark and another shitty day has slipped by me. 565 days in jail. In a true jail. If I shut my eyes very tightly I can see green and red. 592 days in jail. 593 days in jail. Four, five, ninety six, ninety-seven, ninety-eight, 599. Six hundred days in jail. DO YOU BASTARDS REALIZE THAT YOU’VE STUCK ME HERE IN THIS FUCKING JAIL FOR SIX HUNDRED DAYS? Six hundred days. I don’t want to turn back as Lot did. yet I am already a statue. 601, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7; 608 days in this immobile jail. VISITING HOURS! The warden screamed. I went to the sitting room, but in the hallway I suddenly felt the need to vomit. Oh Christ, not now, I have visitors. Oh no. Uh. I vomited iron bars, cell walls, years in jail, pieces of the rotten judge, I vomited609 days in jail. Uh. In jail. Uh. In jail. Uh. Oh. Uh. Oh. Uhhh. Uhhh. Uhhh. Ohhh. Ohhh. Ohhh. 610 days in jail. I walk so much that my heels have become as hard as a horse’s hooves, and a tail has risen from my back. A horse’s tail. What uhhh’s, what heeheehee’s, I whinny and gallop and jump and read up and come back down and stroke myself and sweat and faint and faint and get up again and heeheehee and ohhh and heeheehee and ohhhh. Like a horse. A horse that’s been galloping for six hun … elev … twel … thir … fourt … fif … sixt .. sev .. eigh .. ninet … twen … thir … for … fif … sixt .. ahh … sev … eigh … ni … ehh 650 days and days and days and days and days and days and uh and heeheehee and ahhh and … in … uh … uh … JA-UH-AIL. My sentence is finished. I’m free. I’m going to party. Why not? But … Oh … DID I MAKE A MISTAKE? two and a half years – nine hundred days. I understand. Uhhhhhhhhhh. I don’t want to count any more. 651 days in jail. 652 days in jail. 653 days in jail. I’m a horse. Let me go. I shall close my eyes until the nine-hundredth day.

Two and a Half
Years in Jail

J. and V.

Translated by Lawrence Venuti