Without wanting to be excessively paranoid, I dunno how wise it'd be to rely on the nearest ironmonger - I've heard that the ironmonger nearest the Faslane nuclear base/camp informs the coppers whenever non-locals wander in and buy certain items such as bike locks, and it's by no means impossible that they could have a similar arrangement with this place...
or maybe I'm just being paranoid and he/she could be a lovely person who'd never dream of squealing on customers. Who knows?

welcome to hoo st werburgh, with our 13th century church. . . . yes we have survived without you all that many years ! ! ! ! what have you all got to say to the villagers now? don't even go there about global warming! we are survivors, and most importantly, villagers! and proud of it! ! ! ! so what smart replies do we have for that ?

Thank you for your delightful description of your wonderful village but where is the bonfire so that we can burn the protestors, at least we wouldnt be wasting coal will we?