A solution to the seasonal Human problem.
parasol | 24.06.2008 16:49 | Migration | World
The federal goverment of Mexico has announced that it managed to catch 133 humans today who were attempting to leave acknowledged nests of humanity such as Ecuador, Cuba and Guatemala on route to the USA. Meanwhile both the Spanish army and Morroccan police are into thier fourth day stopping humans in their attempts to break into the Spanish and EU enclave of Melilla on the north African coast on the way to Miss Marple's village.
It seems human are coming out of the woodwork and this might cause you unease until you remember that such movement is seasonal. Average catches of humans peak during the summer period from June to August when they like nothing better but to pick our fruit and sell us trinkets on the beach.
It is very important not to speak to or encourage humans.
Don't even haggle with them.
Just say the word TASER and then ask them for Papers.
Show them who is boss.
Our governments in Europe are doing well on this front having ignored the latest state to opposed recent adjustments to European migration law (which is how human control is termed). Today Chile joined the ranks of Bolivia, Brazil and Venezuela in opposing our European laws. Thankfully we are not reliant on Chile for anything anymore since letting Poland into the EU with its medium sized copper reserves which have more than made up for the poor quantity of supply from (formerly human) Portugal and Sweden.
Of course many of you will not be quite put at rest by the measures being taken to protect our way of life, trinket industry, jobs in fruit picking and sexwork from the threat of human invasion.
Worrying isn't it?
The answer is of course not just higher fences, longer trenches, more efficient satelite surveillance systems to stop the hordes of humans before they leave their beaches or approach our more vulnerable North African borders such as the 8 mile long triple 9 foot high fence around Spain's Melilla enclave. Because the dozen squillion billion quid we spend on keeping Fortress Europe "human-free" every year is simply not money well spent. Look around you - even if France achieves its quota of expelling 26,000 humans this year - the place will still be as full of humans as wherever you are looking around you.
So what can we do?
I suggest we change our attitude to trinket production and fruit picking.
As soon as we consider these essential Summer chores of our civilisation as noble fun-packed family and upwardly socially mobile activities, the humans will have no reason to come anymore and will undoubtedly just stay in their nests.
It is very important not to speak to or encourage humans.
Don't even haggle with them.
Just say the word TASER and then ask them for Papers.
Show them who is boss.
Our governments in Europe are doing well on this front having ignored the latest state to opposed recent adjustments to European migration law (which is how human control is termed). Today Chile joined the ranks of Bolivia, Brazil and Venezuela in opposing our European laws. Thankfully we are not reliant on Chile for anything anymore since letting Poland into the EU with its medium sized copper reserves which have more than made up for the poor quantity of supply from (formerly human) Portugal and Sweden.
Of course many of you will not be quite put at rest by the measures being taken to protect our way of life, trinket industry, jobs in fruit picking and sexwork from the threat of human invasion.
Worrying isn't it?
The answer is of course not just higher fences, longer trenches, more efficient satelite surveillance systems to stop the hordes of humans before they leave their beaches or approach our more vulnerable North African borders such as the 8 mile long triple 9 foot high fence around Spain's Melilla enclave. Because the dozen squillion billion quid we spend on keeping Fortress Europe "human-free" every year is simply not money well spent. Look around you - even if France achieves its quota of expelling 26,000 humans this year - the place will still be as full of humans as wherever you are looking around you.
So what can we do?
I suggest we change our attitude to trinket production and fruit picking.
As soon as we consider these essential Summer chores of our civilisation as noble fun-packed family and upwardly socially mobile activities, the humans will have no reason to come anymore and will undoubtedly just stay in their nests.
parasol
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As a captain of industry I carry some weight in the leadership of trinket trade.
24.06.2008 19:07
Allow me to explain.
My son, heir and replacement had taken up his much coveted place at a respectable Cambridge college to study woodwork in that same year of 2006. He seemed set to enjoy a promising career and I'm glad to say, displayed none of the problems associated with his generation such as crack cocaine use or tattoos. Then he broke the news to me and my wifey that he and some of his chums from the metal joinery and welding faculty of Cambridge had decided to "take a year out" and see up close how humans live. I naturally blamed his mother for this but felt it was too late to either beat her or cut her allowance, she carries my name after all.
One year later the young chap came back having spent only a few hours at world heritage sites and judging my the photos, chose to spend most of his time lying on a hemp mat in Thailand smoking their local brand of pungent incense. Needless to say, boys will be boys and I spent time out east myself and within a few weeks of returning home he had stopped scratching his stomach and I thought he would as he had previously promised on oath to do - continue his interrupted studies in woodwork at Cambridge thereafter trying out for either the Foreign Office or a work in the City. I recall I had asked an old college acquaintance of mine from City Police to arrange a midterm intensive course in Scientology and Dianetics for him to complete his CV.
Imagine my horror! When my son, replacement and heir told me that Goa had left an indelible impression of humanity on him and he would thenceforth dedicate his days to trinketry and the importation of sarongs. I had no option but to immediately move to include in my portfolio of Asian holdings a series of factories each capable of reliably supplying him with the stock he now happily sells every weekend at festivals, raves and "spiritual encounters".
You may sneer Sir at the role humans are playing in undermining our own homespun British or European trinket industries. But I think you have overlooked the role played by patriotic Britons and Europeans in establishing quality standards and the supply of raw materials essential to the future of the seasonal trinket sector.
Mr Pimp Esq.