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Fossil Fooling in Glasgow

Thinstanley | 02.04.2008 17:08 | Climate Chaos

A bunch of Fossil Fools took to the Streets of Glasgow
today, 1st of April.......

A bunch of Fossil Fools took to the Streets of Glasgow
today, trying to persuade people to up their carbon
emissions by putting more petrol in their cars,
applauding SUV’s and urging pedestrians to Stop
Walking - Start Driving!

The stupid suited Fools, some sporting bowler hats,
facepaint, pin stripes and briefcases, and glasses
adorned with dollar signs, went to a nearby Shell
garage where customers were urged to guzzle more gas,
and big cars were slavered over. One driver refused to
drive over a hand-painted Planet Earth as he left the
scene of Climate Crime, but sanity prevailed as the
next guy in a Jaguar (JAAGGUUAORRRGASSMMMM!!! er
sorry) gleefully put his foot down on the rubbish
planet and sped off, to the delight and applause of
the Fools. The car is mightier than the planet! The
confused Fools then unfurled a giant Award to Shell
for its contributions to climate change.

Next they applauded more 4x4s at traffic lights,
before inadvertently stumbling into a branch of
Starbucks to play – and Starbucks are a well known
model employer and sell Green Coffee! The Fools,
having realised their mistake, then took to the Street
again, and lit upon a branch of the Royal Bank of
Scotland. One of the slightly more sane looking Fools,
more of an idiot really, planted lots of leaflets
about how the RBS is financing climate change on a
massive scale, in amongst the others in the bank
telling you how good money is. When told he shouldn’t
be doing this, he merely smiled and was left alone.
But not for long.

A grotesque of Fools suddenly appeared in the bank,
causing noise and mayhem and laughing at some insane
joke, before unfurling their large Award banner,
applauding the RBS’s contribution to climate change.
It seemed that these idiots would stop at nothing to
show how Foolish they were!

Having somehow negotiated the crossing of a
Sauchiehall Street, after frolicsome times with some
road workers, the Fools socked toward, then into, a
Flight Centre. Here they enquired about getting a
holiday with the biggest, guaranteed CO2 emission.
Then they presented the flight centre staff with
another huge banner Award for their contributions to
climate change, and had a fun game of ‘Chairs’, before
turning into helicopters and flying out of the shop.

Here they learned that many BIG SUVs were to be seen
at a local private school, so they scrambled up there
to drool over all those beoooootiful gas guzzlers. At
one point, some of them, understandably, lost control
of themselves over a specifically Big Beautiful
Carcar, slavering and licking at it. Then, the ‘owner’
showed us how big a hard-on he has for his guzzler by
pushing a Fool, who had produced an old feather duster
from the depths of his bag, and shouting ‘Get away
from MY CAR!!’. Said sane man then proceeded to get on
his mobile, more of that later.

As they went down the street, lots of children were
pleasantly surprised by this strange Frolic of Fools
as they progressed, Then - THE COPS! Gasp! The sane
man had called them because his carcar had been dusted
off and ‘touched’, but they soon realised what a
harmless bunch of Fools confronted them, and went away

So the Fossil Fools struggled off into the late
afternoon sunshine. What a confusing day it had been.
Fortunately, the rest of the world went on being sane.