If A-rabs wish to speak at anti-war events around the UK, in relation to events within their countries’, or the wider Middle East but find that every other British based nationality is speaking on your behalf, then A-rabs must comply with the following demands:

1) Demand that there is "a war against British Mussslims" and you should also wear some psuedo intellectual glasses, as this would reinforce the point. A-rabs should also consider adopting a South African Accent whilst speaking on this issue.

2) Emphasise the rights of converts to drink alcohol, wear the Burkha, have multiple sex partners, speak about being victimised and demand that people never visit the Middle East, as this would offend "Is lamb".

3) Have speakers at every event you organise talking about Iraq and Palestine.Please don't have Arabs speaking on the platform, as this would be found offensive to religious and ethnic communities within the United Kingdom.

4) Always inform your audience, at either a meeting or rally, that the Iraqi and Palestinian people are "humble", they "drink lots of coffee" and spend their days “sitting around in Khafirs“, living in tents with a camel parked next to the rolls Royce.

5) Please press on to your audience, that the A-rabs are "oppressed", are dying for "Freedom and Democracy" and should anybody object to such comments, you should jump up and down and scream the following:"you were paid by Saddam",
"Saddam killed over one million people". Always try to throw in comments relating to "babies being thrown on bomb fires".

6) It is essential that A-rabs inform their audience that they are "against terrorism", that they distance themselves from "Al-Qeeeda" and condemn "suicide bombing", as any discussion to understand such phenomena, could be found offensive to religious and ethnic communities within the United Kingdom.

7) Members of the audience should also be made aware of the reasons why they should like A-rabs, here are some points that you may wish to use:

"Falafel is nice"
"The A-rabs are lovely"
"A belly dancer has a flat stomach"
"The Middle East is cheaper than the UK"
"Even after years of occupation and war, A-rabs are still hospitable to Westerners"
"A-rabs don't want food, they want you to like them"
"All A-rabs hate Saddam Hussain and are happy to live and die in poverty"

8) Should anybody ask, turn and look at them with an expression of shock when you reply "What's Christmas?", "Jesus who?" and "we don't have this Christianity in the Middle East, where can I buy it from?" along with "What's a Jew?"

If you follow this advice you will be guaranteed a full time contract on a speaking tour around the UK, sponsored by some left wing groups or the Foreign and Commonwealth Office.

You must be warned though, that you will probably come after the man who lived in Guantanimo Bay, who will probably come after the socialist or trade unionist who has never left Britain but has a few foreign friends.