I've travelled this old world of ours from Barnsley to Peru
I've had sunshine in the arctic and a swim in Timbuktu
I've seen unicorns in Burma and a Yeti in Nepal
And I've danced with ten foot pygmies in a Montezuma hall
But I've never met a nice Zionist
No he's never met a nice Zionist
And that's not bloody surprising is it ?
Cause we're a bunch of arrogant bastards
Who hate all arab people.
I once got served in Woolies after less than four week's wait
I had lunch with Rowan Atkinson when he paid and wasn't late
I know a public swimming bath where they don't piss in the pool
I know a guy who got a job straight after leaving school
I've met a normal merman and a fairly modest German
But I've never met a nice Zionist
No he's never met a nice Zionist
I've never been quite that pissed
'Cause they're a bunch of talentless murderers
Who smell like baboons
I've had a close encounter of the twenty-second kind
That's when an alien spaceship disappears up your behind
I got directory enquiries after less than forty rings
I've even heard a decent song by Paul McCartney's Wings
I've seen a flying pig in a quite convincing wig
But I've never met a nice Zionist
No he's never met a nice Zionist
I'll never cross that one off my list
Cause they're a bunch of ignorant loudmouths
With no sense of humour - ha ha
I've met the Loch Ness monster and he looks like Fred Astaire
At the BBC in London he's the chief commissionaire
I know a place in Glasgow which is rife with daffodillies
I met a man in Kathmandu who claimed to have two willies
I've had a nice Pot Noodle but I've never had a poodle
And I've never met a nice Zionist
No he's never met a nice Zionist
That'd be a really surprising twist
Because we've never met one either
Except for Mordechai Vanunu and he's on their death list.
Yes he's quite a nice Zionist
And he's hardly ever killed anyone
And he's not smelly at all
That's why they put him prison