The BBC reported 4 years ago that George Bush told 2 of their reporters, “God told me to invade Iraq.” George Bush rarely mentions it in public but he knows that he is a superhuman mystic prophet of Biblical proportions and that he is the John the Baptist who will usher in the second coming of the Messiah, the Son of Man, Jesus Christ to Jerusalem. Recently in an episode not unlike the automatic writing experience of Neale Donald Walsch in “Conversations With God” the Holy Spirit entered into President Bush once again late at night in the Oval Office and took his hand and wrote out his instructions.

Jesus Christ: “How are you George?”

George Bush: “Jesus is that you?”

Jesus Christ: “No George it’s Patrick Fitzgerald and I’ve come to give you your subpoena.”

George Bush: “Very funny. Do not forget that I am the Decider and my resolve is strong. What is it now? Haven’t you caused me enough damage with your instructions to invade Iraq? Have you seen my poll numbers lately. Even my daughters won’t talk to me now. They say that you were a pacifist and that I’m insane.”

Jesus Christ: “George, have you done the homework that I gave you?”

George Bush: “Yes Jesus I read Matthew 10.”

Jesus Christ: “Then you see that my prophecy is unfolding exactly as I foretold 2,000 years ago last Wednesday evening in a barn in Galilee. Chopping broccoli, chopping brocollie. I don’t mean to gloat but did I not say “Brother will betray brother to death and a father his child and children will rise against parents and have them put to death, and you will be hated by all because of my name, but the one who endures to the end will be saved? When they persecute you in one town flee to the next for truly I tell you, you will not have gone through all the towns of Israel before the Son of Man comes.” (Matthew 10:21-23)

George Bush: “Yes my father certainly tried to humiliate me. Name me one President’s father who goes out and publicly hires his old friends to tell me the President of the United States of America what to do. I’ll never forgive him for that.”

Jesus Christ: “As I said, “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter in law against her mother in law and one’s foes will be members of one’s own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me and whoever does not take up the cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Those who find their life will lose it and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.” (Matt. 10:37-39)

George Bush: “So what do you want me to do now?”

Jesus Christ: “George I want you to nuke Iran into the radioactive dirt. I want you to throw every last non Christian man, woman and child into the nuclear fires of Hell on Earth because they are all the demon children of Satan.” (Matt. 13:36-43).

George Bush: “How can I do that? China and Russia are now backing Iran just like they backed tiny North Vietnam. If I nuke Iran then Russia and China will nuke the United States and we will have to nuke them back and it will be mutually assured destruction, Mad, and the Apocalypse, and all life on earth will go extinct forever.”

Jesus Christ: “Do not be afraid George. You and your family will be raptured. “For the Lord himself, with a cry of command, with the archangel’s call and with the sound of God’s trumpet, will descend from heaven, and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up in the clouds together with them to meet the Lord in the air; and so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage one another with these words.” (1 Thess. 4:16-18). You must trigger the Apocalypse now George, nuclear world war 3 so that I can descend from Heaven on my flying horse and defeat Satan and save the world and create the New Jerusalem for Christians only, and bring everlasting peace to earth. You must do it now George you must do it now. Time is running short George and Tony Blair is leaving office in April. Don’t you see the signs all around you George, the blair of the trumpets, the bombs’ blare, the elephant’s trumpet? You must blow the trumpet George, you must blow the trumpet!”

George Bush: “Oh, the Blair of the trumpets. The trumpet’s blare. I see. I get it. O.K. I’ll do it Jesus. You can count on me.”

Jesus Christ: “That’s good George. I knew I could count on you. Soon you will be in Heaven with Laura and the girls at the right hand of God. You must destroy every Muslim George. They are all a bunch of religious fanatics.”