Talk about a comeback. Last week it was reported that Ayatollah Ali Khamenei had died from cancer, diabetes, heart problems and loss of vision. Tonight the Associated Press has announced that Anna Nicole Smith has married the Supreme Leader of Iran Grand Ayatollah Seyyed Ali Hossayni Khamenei at a lavish wedding in his home town of Mashhad, Iran at the magnificent Molla Heydar mosque. Anna was dressed in a stunning and very revealing red sequin gown with a 20 foot train. Ayatollah Ali Khamenei wore his traditional black robe, black turban and cane. Muqtada al-Sadr served as best man and security was provided by Muqtada’s Mahdi Army, which had little trouble keeping the paparazzi at bay. The Ayatollah Ali Khamenei said, “You can never be too careful given what happened to Princess Diana and the United States navy and air force steaming towards me in the Persian Gulf. My doctor says that I have more lives than a cat.”

Anna Nicole Smith spoke at her wedding. Here is what she said: “Ladies and Ayatollahs, Imams, Clerics and Imams. First of all let me congratulate Yusuf Islam on his recent award the Mediterranean Peace Prize in Naples Italy. It is about time that a Muslim was thought of as a man of peace and not a terrorist. Peace Train is one of my favorite songs. Ali and I will be honeymooning on the Orient Express. I don’t want to say that his guy is rich but he bought the train. Furthermore last week it was reported that he had died. A correct analysis would be that he died and went to heaven if you know what I mean. This guy is hung like a camel. He has 6 children that he knows of. It’s no wonder that the ladies can’t keep their hands off of him. I call him my little Santa Claus.”

“Anyway I know that the tabloids are going to say that I married Ali for his money. Kanye West is going to say that I’m a gold digger. I would like to put that vicious rumor to rest. My psychiatrist says that I have a daddy complex. Take my last husband. Please. He was 63 years older than me. Maybe I have a great grandfather complex. It’s because I was abused as a child. I seem to be making progress. Ayatollah Ali Khamenei is only 28 years older than I am. He’s a 68 year old spring chicken next to J.H.”

“My astrologer thinks that I have this Grace Kelly thing happening. Prince William and Prince Harry both one night standed me so there went the throne of England. My little Santa Claus is a Cancer and I’m a Sagittarius. Cancers want more of a commitment than Cancers but I am strictly a one man woman and I plan on staying with my new hubby right to the end. Fortunately nobody here knows my track record because they censored it. Plus these people don’t know from contracts. I’ve made so much money for so many divorce lawyers that I have a building at the Harvard Law School named after me, right Reese?”

“So my girlfriend Chloe introduced me to her boyfriend’s cousin who knew Ali Khamenei and the rest is the birds, the bees and cialis. It really is true what they say about cialis. The Ayatollah Khamenei had an erection which lasted for more than four hours and there was nothing we could do about it. It was ticking right through his robe and he had to go give a speech telling everyone that the nuclear bombs he built are strictly for peaceful purposes. So we went to the emergency room at the Shariati Hospital in Tehran and they gave him some Maalox. I guess he got excited being with his first Playboy Playmate of the Year. He tells me that his goal is to create a world Islamic state. I like men with ambition. He promised me that he wouldn’t hurt you Hef. So I want all of you to have a really great time tonight and thank you all for coming.”