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Drax to Stop Smoking

CIRCA | 30.08.2006 20:29 | Climate Camp 2006 | Climate Chaos | Ecology | Health

We the clown medics division of the 1st gaggle of Gigglewatt Valley Regiment of the Clandestine Insurgent Rebel Clown Army are here at the Climate Camp in Yorkshire to help Drax (full name Drax Power Station) quit his chain smoking habit.

With the aid of the new and improved FossiletteTM carbon patch, we think Drax can take his first steps on the road to becoming a healthier, happier, non-smoking power station and an inspiration for all other power stations everywhere.

Our diagnosis is that Drax's unhealthy and filthy smoking habit is the result of pressure and stress brought about by heavy consumption and capitalist tendencies. We believe that with sympathy, supportive counselling and the Circa unpatented five-step recovery programme, Drax can learn to say no to the bullies and their constant demands for power.

Drax particularly needs counselling and medical support to overcome the feelings of guilt caused by the devastating effect that his smoking habit has on others. Remember folks-passive smoking is a killer too! We want to
help Drax say sorry to the thousands of people around the world killed or
dispossed by climate chaos as we feel this is an important part of his
recovery process.

Drax also needs help to overcome his feelings of impotency and low self
esteem caused by the pointlessness of his daily activities. Drax produces
7% of the energy on the National Grid but the National Grid wastes 7% of
the energy it receives. Poor Drax, it must be so hard to spend all that
time doing all that damage, to himself and to his friends, only to
ultimately contribute nothing to the energy needs of his society.

Drax has been trying to kick his carbon habit now for 35 years. Although the
power station we see today has bad breath and a pallid, grey complexion,
it is our professional opinion that if he is willing and able to make the necessary
changes to his lifestyle, he could become the first of a new generation of
happily decommissioned power stations. Free of smoke and free to spend more
time with their communities and in their gardens.

Drax's quit date is tomorrow, 1st September 2006. He is scared, but his friends will be there to listen and to help with hypnosis, the Fossilette patch and reminders about the costs of his habit. And of course, all the love and support he needs to stop smoking once and for all.

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Friends of the earth

31.08.2006 19:25

CO2 emissions per unit of electricity generated:

Cockenzie 9.9
Ferrybridge 9.8
Longannet 9.8
Fiddler's Ferry 9.7
Kilroot 9.7
Ironbridge 9.4
West Burton 9.4
Tilbury 9.3
Didcot A 9.3
Kingsnorth 9.3
Eggborough 9.2
Rugeley B 9.1
Cottam 9.0
Ratcliffe 9.0
Aberthaw 9.0
Drax 8.8
Gas powered station 5.4

Yes, you're not reading that wrong. Out of all the UK's coal-fired power stations Drax emits the least CO2 per unit of electricity generated - i.e, it's the most efficient. Oh, and if you want a source for this, how about Friends of the Earth (page 21):

He's right


Display the following 13 comments

  1. Prize Clown! — Realist
  2. (sur)realist, as usual you're barking — more realistic
  3. You still dont have a clue — Realist
  4. ahem — effective user
  5. think for a minute... — striving for understanding
  6. low carbon can work — homealone
  7. Addition — Realist
  8. yes...and! — sgt.ina
  9. metaphorically speaking — striving for understanding
  10. lack of research! — Claire
  11. slacker research — striving for understanding
  12. Missed a bit! — striving for understanding
  13. that addition is NONSENSE - pls make it a comment again!! — camper