The information you are about to read was up until now top secret but I believe that Britain deserves to hear the truth!

Don’t panic, but the Black Death will soon hit England! The disease, which has symptoms such as high temperature, headache and vomiting, followed by lumps named buboes appearing in the armpit, going black and spreading round the body, is spread by fleas carried by black rats and has been attacking various parts of Europe since 2003.
This fact has been kept under wraps by government scientists though, because they want you to believe that the disease was wiped out centuries ago, but now a group of underground chemists have exposed the fact and the truth is out!
The leader of this team, Roger Bacon, predicts that this disease will result in the same circumstances as the last major epidemic of the black plague in 1348 i.e. A third to a half of the population will die!
Do not panic though, because, according to Bacon and his team, there are ways to avoid bubonic plague. It is caused by bad air, the scientific term for which is miasma. To avoid inhaling or soming into contact with bad air you should wear strong smelling posies or, if you have an allergy or aversion to pollen simply not breathe. If you believe someone you know has or might have the black death lock them up, put a large cross on their door with red paint and do not feed them. When they eventually die bury them in a grave six feet deep and do not hold a funeral for anyone but the close family, who may also have the disease so must be similarly locked up.
So, yes the bubonic plague is hitting the white cliffs of Dover so keep an eye out for sufferers and follow the above instructions accordingly. Even the slightest cough could mean death to everyone in your neightbourhood!