Choiceless Choice: Dover Kent's 2005 Election Candidates
Smelly Scrote | 22.03.2005 11:40 | Analysis | South Coast
Here in the beloved arsehole of England, where everything passes through, voters are left with the usual meaningless and ludicrous charade as the general election approaches.
Here are the contestants for the plush seating of the Pink Palace at Westminster, vying for votes in Dover, Kent UK.
In the Rose Red Corner we have Gwynfor Mathews Prosser, the Blairite, pro-Blunkett, New Labour goody goody who voted against war in Iraq only because he promised publicly that he wouldn't support an invasion without a second UN resolution. On other issues, he is as New Labour as you can get. For his loyalty, he was rewarded with a place on the Home Affairs Select Committee. He has loyally followed the party whip on virtually everything on New Labour's agenda, including its assault on civil liberties. He is staunchly in favour of ID cards. Thus, it appears to me that this fat fellow deserves to be kicked out as soon as possible.
In the Blue Corner, we have 'Otty Botty' Paul Watkins who plans to privatise the Port of Dover if he becomes the Honourable Blue Member for Dover. He is disliked even by his Tory chums at Dover District Council. Privatising the port is unpopular locally, and only a vain fool would think that this is a vote winner.
In the Yellow Corner we have the ambitious and opportunistic barrister Antony (No 'H') Hook who is known as 'No H' in the Tory rag called the Dover Express. He has kept a very low profile, and comes out with daft statements in the local press, like suggesting that the election contest is a 2 horse race between him and Prosser, totally discounting the Tories. This is eye-poppingly ludicrous bearing in mind the tiny percentage of support his party has had at election contests here.
In the Psychedelic Electric Blue Corner we have Vic Matcham who is standing as an independent, and another guy who's name I forget who is doing the same. Matcham was reported to the Standards Board of England for making offensive remarks about immigrants. It would be true to say that he doesn't have a clue about what an MP is or does. In short, he's a bit of a joke who is not in touch with reality. A bit like me really...
Well, what can one say? I am overwhelmed by the degree of choice on offer. I can vote Tony, Tory, Titty or Twatty. The paint is well and truly coming off the veneer of the VERY PETTY bourgeois election drinks cabinet. The only rational thing to do is to get pissed and try and forget how vile and nasty reality is. Cheers! In the midst of this throng of potential lobby fodder, I feel like someone special. In fact, I'M A CELEBRITY, GET ME OUT OF HERE... Here's to another five years of Bliar's little pal Prosser. AD MULTOS ANNOS BISHOP BLAIR AND PASTOR PROSSER!
In the Rose Red Corner we have Gwynfor Mathews Prosser, the Blairite, pro-Blunkett, New Labour goody goody who voted against war in Iraq only because he promised publicly that he wouldn't support an invasion without a second UN resolution. On other issues, he is as New Labour as you can get. For his loyalty, he was rewarded with a place on the Home Affairs Select Committee. He has loyally followed the party whip on virtually everything on New Labour's agenda, including its assault on civil liberties. He is staunchly in favour of ID cards. Thus, it appears to me that this fat fellow deserves to be kicked out as soon as possible.
In the Blue Corner, we have 'Otty Botty' Paul Watkins who plans to privatise the Port of Dover if he becomes the Honourable Blue Member for Dover. He is disliked even by his Tory chums at Dover District Council. Privatising the port is unpopular locally, and only a vain fool would think that this is a vote winner.
In the Yellow Corner we have the ambitious and opportunistic barrister Antony (No 'H') Hook who is known as 'No H' in the Tory rag called the Dover Express. He has kept a very low profile, and comes out with daft statements in the local press, like suggesting that the election contest is a 2 horse race between him and Prosser, totally discounting the Tories. This is eye-poppingly ludicrous bearing in mind the tiny percentage of support his party has had at election contests here.
In the Psychedelic Electric Blue Corner we have Vic Matcham who is standing as an independent, and another guy who's name I forget who is doing the same. Matcham was reported to the Standards Board of England for making offensive remarks about immigrants. It would be true to say that he doesn't have a clue about what an MP is or does. In short, he's a bit of a joke who is not in touch with reality. A bit like me really...
Well, what can one say? I am overwhelmed by the degree of choice on offer. I can vote Tony, Tory, Titty or Twatty. The paint is well and truly coming off the veneer of the VERY PETTY bourgeois election drinks cabinet. The only rational thing to do is to get pissed and try and forget how vile and nasty reality is. Cheers! In the midst of this throng of potential lobby fodder, I feel like someone special. In fact, I'M A CELEBRITY, GET ME OUT OF HERE... Here's to another five years of Bliar's little pal Prosser. AD MULTOS ANNOS BISHOP BLAIR AND PASTOR PROSSER!
Smelly Scrote
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