Sex and Orgasm
Dr. A.L. Bhatia | 20.03.2005 06:57
Sexual arousal is triggered by any signal that we consider erotic. Hearing, seeing, smelling, or thinking about something sexy can elicit sexual arousal. These stimuli are partly learned and can vary from culture to culture and from person to person. The brain is known as the largest sex organ because of its integral role in sexual arousal. Someone with a foot fetish may be easily aroused at the sight of two bare feet. Someone else, who may have been sexually abused as a child, may have trouble enjoying sex because of his/her associations of sex with abuse.
The brain is not the only responsible party in sexual arousal. The spinal cord also plays a large part in interpreting sexy signals. In fact, sexual arousal and orgasm can occur by spinal reflexes alone. This has been illustrated in the case of men who have had their spinal cords severed in an accident. These men can have erections and orgasms through tactile stimulation of the penis. The brain is not involved, since signals from the brain cannot get past the point where the spinal cord is severed. These men can't feel the erection or orgasm because this would involve the transmission of neural signals up the spinal cord to the brain. However, they can have children since they can get an erection and ejaculate.
It feels like electricity running through every vein of my body.
It is generally assumed that reflexive mechanisms are similar in men and women because both experience similar sexual responses (lots of blood to the genitals and muscle contractions during orgasm). Also the genital organs of men and women come from the same embryonic tissue, so the nerve supplies are alike. (1)
It begins in my vaginal region and moves through my whole body, and I have an uncontrollable urge to moan or scream. I also twitch a lot, experiencing muscle spasms all over and I feel really warm "down there."
When you and your partner start with foreplay, a lot of things are going on in your brain and body to prepare you for sex. Touch or physical contact on or around the genitals excites sensorial receptors in the skin. This excitation travels through sensory nerves to a reflex center in the lower part of your spinal cord. This center sends messages to the muscles around the artery walls of your genitals, telling them to relax. As these muscles relax, a lot of blood flows into the arteries of the genitals. This results in sexually prepped genitals. For women, the vagina becomes swollen, red and lubricated. In men, the penis becomes erect.
I see lights, feel like exploding, hear acutely, heat rises from my feet and a tingle rushes up my legs through my thighs, up my torso and throughout my upper body. A feeling of euphoria releases in my abdomen just before what I call 'falling off the mountain'. I can hardly move for the ecstasy I experience.
The brain is not the only responsible party in sexual arousal. The spinal cord also plays a large part in interpreting sexy signals. In fact, sexual arousal and orgasm can occur by spinal reflexes alone. This has been illustrated in the case of men who have had their spinal cords severed in an accident. These men can have erections and orgasms through tactile stimulation of the penis. The brain is not involved, since signals from the brain cannot get past the point where the spinal cord is severed. These men can't feel the erection or orgasm because this would involve the transmission of neural signals up the spinal cord to the brain. However, they can have children since they can get an erection and ejaculate.
It feels like electricity running through every vein of my body.
It is generally assumed that reflexive mechanisms are similar in men and women because both experience similar sexual responses (lots of blood to the genitals and muscle contractions during orgasm). Also the genital organs of men and women come from the same embryonic tissue, so the nerve supplies are alike. (1)
It begins in my vaginal region and moves through my whole body, and I have an uncontrollable urge to moan or scream. I also twitch a lot, experiencing muscle spasms all over and I feel really warm "down there."
When you and your partner start with foreplay, a lot of things are going on in your brain and body to prepare you for sex. Touch or physical contact on or around the genitals excites sensorial receptors in the skin. This excitation travels through sensory nerves to a reflex center in the lower part of your spinal cord. This center sends messages to the muscles around the artery walls of your genitals, telling them to relax. As these muscles relax, a lot of blood flows into the arteries of the genitals. This results in sexually prepped genitals. For women, the vagina becomes swollen, red and lubricated. In men, the penis becomes erect.
I see lights, feel like exploding, hear acutely, heat rises from my feet and a tingle rushes up my legs through my thighs, up my torso and throughout my upper body. A feeling of euphoria releases in my abdomen just before what I call 'falling off the mountain'. I can hardly move for the ecstasy I experience.
For some, the road to orgasm is a hard, fast trail. For others, there are a few detours, a couple of snags and a distance to go. And then there are those for whom the road to orgasm is intersected by something akin to the Great Wall of China. QueenDom's monumental survey of 15,000 visitors provided us with more than straightforward data on who makes the orgasm destination and who doesn't. We also learned what gets in the way for those pilgrims seeking the mighty "O".
As we found out in "His and Hers", women are much less likely to experience orgasm during sex. In fact, 26 % of women have consistent difficulties reaching climax. Only 2.5 % of men experience an equal amount of trouble trapping an orgasm. So it is important to keep in mind that the following obstacles are more likely to be experienced by a woman than a man. QueenDom asked, "When you don't orgasm, what stands in your way?" Since the likelihood of a man experiencing troubles with orgasm is slim, the results we get represent a small segment of the male population and a significant chunk of the female population.
We have often heard that the brain is the largest sex organ. And indeed it must be, for many people claimed that self-consciousness was an impediment to orgasm. Surprisingly, men who have trouble reaching orgasm were more likely to be self-conscious about their body or their hair than women in the same boat. Only 46% of anorgasmic women blame this as often the main obstacle to orgasm, while 70% of anorgasmic men often get hung up on their looks when they are having sex. In fact 10% of women are secure enough about their bodies to claim that self-consciousness about body and hair is NEVER the problem, while only 3.4% of men say that this is never an obstacle to orgasm.
When surfing the waves of sexual joy, we often lose our composure. Some people emit loud utterances, others scream or grunt or contort their faces in grimaces of intense pleasure and concentration. In fact, getting to orgasm means losing yourself in the moment. And sometimes we may become self-conscious about our response to sexual stimulation. This type of self-consciousness is more likely to be the obstacle to a man's orgasm than it is for a woman's. 61% of anorgasmic women say this is often an impediment, compared to 71.5% of anorgasmic men. In fact, women are twice as likely as men to say that their actual response to sexual stimulation is NEVER a hurdle in the path of orgasm.
If your partner looks like s/he is thinking about politics or school during sex, you are pretty likely to tumble down the hill of orgasm. 59% of women and 45% of men who aren't getting there blame their partner's lack of response. Remember those grunts, groans, shrieks and grotesque faces that might make you feel embarrassed? Well, most men and women find these visible signs of your pleasure a real turn-on that can open the gate for their own orgasm.
An acute sense of the self is not so desirable for the sexually active. To be too aware of what you are doing can limit your orgasmic potential. When you are not "lost in the moment", you may mentally step back and visualize yourself as if you were a fly on the wall. This mental distancing is called depersonalization. When orgasm just isn't in the cards, 42% of men and 28% of women blame depersonalization. To become entirely lost in your senses and to forget those distractions of the self will heighten sexual pleasure and encourage orgasm.
Another type of self-consciousness that can hamper sexual enjoyment and discourage orgasm is lack of self-confidence in your worth as a lover. Am I a good lover? Does my partner like what I am doing? Does this feel good for him/her? Men and women who have trouble climaxing are equally likely to suffer from feelings of self-consciousness about their ability as a lover. Being a good lover is not a skill you are born with. It takes practice, sensitivity, and open communication. Communication is the key to unlocking your partner's pleasure chest. If you ask your partner what s/he likes, then you can please your partner (and yourself) endlessly!
If things go wrong at work, or a child gets ill, or the cat gets run over by a car, it is pretty unlikely that you and your partner will enjoy wild sex and multiple orgasms that night. 27% of anorgasmic women and 37% of anorgasmic men say that being stressed inhibits their ability to orgasm. Like exercise, sex and orgasm can help to relieve stress. However, the vicious circle is such that stress dampens sexual desire and quenches orgasm. Learning to manage stress effectively can help you overcome this romance-killer. But of course, there will always be stressful times when great sex is not at the forefront of your mind.
A couple does not share one libido. In fact, she and he may have different sex drives. Or she and he may be under different levels of stress or in different moods. In any case, both members of a couple can't always be sexually synchronized. 46.5% of anorgasmic men and 28% of anorgasmic women say that they don't get there because they weren't in the mood in the first place.
And if you are steamed because your partner doesn't do the dishes or doesn't take enough of an interest in your hobbies, chances are you won't let yourself be carried to the pinnacle of orgasmic pleasure. 45% of women and 56% of men say that when they can't reach orgasm, unresolved emotional issues are often the culprits. Communication is again the best antidote. Once an emotional issue is resolved, passion and orgasm can surface once again.
The brain isn't the only sex organ! The body is a map of erogenous zones that respond to the touch of your partner. 60% of women and 52% of men say that when orgasm eludes them, it is often because their partner is too rough. And to confuse matters, 50% of women and 63% of men say that it is often because their partner is not rough enough! Anorgasmic women and anorgasmic men are equally likely to blame their lack of orgasm on an inexperienced partner, or bad technique. Contrary to stereotypes about men ("always ready to go"), 54% of anorgasmic men and only 24% of anorgasmic women said that the lack of foreplay often stood in the way of orgasm.
Sexual positions stimulate women and men in different ways. For example, doggy-style may be very stimulating for a man, but because her clitoris doesn't come into contact with him, it may be difficult for her to orgasm without manual stimulation (unless, of course, he manages to stroke her G-Spot). However, unfavorable positions were not picked as primary obstacles to orgasm. And even more surprising, twice as many anorgasmic men than women blamed sexual positioning for their lack of orgasm. 34% of men and 17% of women said that the wrong position often kept orgasm out of reach. And 17% of women say this is NEVER a problem, compared to 8% of men.
Other impediments to orgasmic delight are physiological problems (49% of anorgasmic women, 60% of anorgasmic men) and the effects of alcohol or drugs. 59% of women blamed substances as often the problem in those times when orgasm is absent, compared to only 49% of men. Even Shakespeare once commented that alcohol increased sexual desire but impeded sexual performance. I am sure that he didn't realize that this is truer for women than it is for men!
Realizing the obstacles to your orgasm is the first step to overcoming them. The second step is communication with your partner to clear up any issues or sexual details that may involve him or her. And thirdly, if there are personal issues (stress, low self-esteem, etc) which are limiting your orgasmic potential, find out how you can help yourself. Once you can relax and have fun, you can experience the pleasure that sexual intimacy brings. And when you are enjoying pleasurable and comfortable sex, those stony walls between you and orgasm may dissolve into mere wispy clouds of bliss.
As we found out in "His and Hers", women are much less likely to experience orgasm during sex. In fact, 26 % of women have consistent difficulties reaching climax. Only 2.5 % of men experience an equal amount of trouble trapping an orgasm. So it is important to keep in mind that the following obstacles are more likely to be experienced by a woman than a man. QueenDom asked, "When you don't orgasm, what stands in your way?" Since the likelihood of a man experiencing troubles with orgasm is slim, the results we get represent a small segment of the male population and a significant chunk of the female population.
We have often heard that the brain is the largest sex organ. And indeed it must be, for many people claimed that self-consciousness was an impediment to orgasm. Surprisingly, men who have trouble reaching orgasm were more likely to be self-conscious about their body or their hair than women in the same boat. Only 46% of anorgasmic women blame this as often the main obstacle to orgasm, while 70% of anorgasmic men often get hung up on their looks when they are having sex. In fact 10% of women are secure enough about their bodies to claim that self-consciousness about body and hair is NEVER the problem, while only 3.4% of men say that this is never an obstacle to orgasm.
When surfing the waves of sexual joy, we often lose our composure. Some people emit loud utterances, others scream or grunt or contort their faces in grimaces of intense pleasure and concentration. In fact, getting to orgasm means losing yourself in the moment. And sometimes we may become self-conscious about our response to sexual stimulation. This type of self-consciousness is more likely to be the obstacle to a man's orgasm than it is for a woman's. 61% of anorgasmic women say this is often an impediment, compared to 71.5% of anorgasmic men. In fact, women are twice as likely as men to say that their actual response to sexual stimulation is NEVER a hurdle in the path of orgasm.
If your partner looks like s/he is thinking about politics or school during sex, you are pretty likely to tumble down the hill of orgasm. 59% of women and 45% of men who aren't getting there blame their partner's lack of response. Remember those grunts, groans, shrieks and grotesque faces that might make you feel embarrassed? Well, most men and women find these visible signs of your pleasure a real turn-on that can open the gate for their own orgasm.
An acute sense of the self is not so desirable for the sexually active. To be too aware of what you are doing can limit your orgasmic potential. When you are not "lost in the moment", you may mentally step back and visualize yourself as if you were a fly on the wall. This mental distancing is called depersonalization. When orgasm just isn't in the cards, 42% of men and 28% of women blame depersonalization. To become entirely lost in your senses and to forget those distractions of the self will heighten sexual pleasure and encourage orgasm.
Another type of self-consciousness that can hamper sexual enjoyment and discourage orgasm is lack of self-confidence in your worth as a lover. Am I a good lover? Does my partner like what I am doing? Does this feel good for him/her? Men and women who have trouble climaxing are equally likely to suffer from feelings of self-consciousness about their ability as a lover. Being a good lover is not a skill you are born with. It takes practice, sensitivity, and open communication. Communication is the key to unlocking your partner's pleasure chest. If you ask your partner what s/he likes, then you can please your partner (and yourself) endlessly!
If things go wrong at work, or a child gets ill, or the cat gets run over by a car, it is pretty unlikely that you and your partner will enjoy wild sex and multiple orgasms that night. 27% of anorgasmic women and 37% of anorgasmic men say that being stressed inhibits their ability to orgasm. Like exercise, sex and orgasm can help to relieve stress. However, the vicious circle is such that stress dampens sexual desire and quenches orgasm. Learning to manage stress effectively can help you overcome this romance-killer. But of course, there will always be stressful times when great sex is not at the forefront of your mind.
A couple does not share one libido. In fact, she and he may have different sex drives. Or she and he may be under different levels of stress or in different moods. In any case, both members of a couple can't always be sexually synchronized. 46.5% of anorgasmic men and 28% of anorgasmic women say that they don't get there because they weren't in the mood in the first place.
And if you are steamed because your partner doesn't do the dishes or doesn't take enough of an interest in your hobbies, chances are you won't let yourself be carried to the pinnacle of orgasmic pleasure. 45% of women and 56% of men say that when they can't reach orgasm, unresolved emotional issues are often the culprits. Communication is again the best antidote. Once an emotional issue is resolved, passion and orgasm can surface once again.
The brain isn't the only sex organ! The body is a map of erogenous zones that respond to the touch of your partner. 60% of women and 52% of men say that when orgasm eludes them, it is often because their partner is too rough. And to confuse matters, 50% of women and 63% of men say that it is often because their partner is not rough enough! Anorgasmic women and anorgasmic men are equally likely to blame their lack of orgasm on an inexperienced partner, or bad technique. Contrary to stereotypes about men ("always ready to go"), 54% of anorgasmic men and only 24% of anorgasmic women said that the lack of foreplay often stood in the way of orgasm.
Sexual positions stimulate women and men in different ways. For example, doggy-style may be very stimulating for a man, but because her clitoris doesn't come into contact with him, it may be difficult for her to orgasm without manual stimulation (unless, of course, he manages to stroke her G-Spot). However, unfavorable positions were not picked as primary obstacles to orgasm. And even more surprising, twice as many anorgasmic men than women blamed sexual positioning for their lack of orgasm. 34% of men and 17% of women said that the wrong position often kept orgasm out of reach. And 17% of women say this is NEVER a problem, compared to 8% of men.
Other impediments to orgasmic delight are physiological problems (49% of anorgasmic women, 60% of anorgasmic men) and the effects of alcohol or drugs. 59% of women blamed substances as often the problem in those times when orgasm is absent, compared to only 49% of men. Even Shakespeare once commented that alcohol increased sexual desire but impeded sexual performance. I am sure that he didn't realize that this is truer for women than it is for men!
Realizing the obstacles to your orgasm is the first step to overcoming them. The second step is communication with your partner to clear up any issues or sexual details that may involve him or her. And thirdly, if there are personal issues (stress, low self-esteem, etc) which are limiting your orgasmic potential, find out how you can help yourself. Once you can relax and have fun, you can experience the pleasure that sexual intimacy brings. And when you are enjoying pleasurable and comfortable sex, those stony walls between you and orgasm may dissolve into mere wispy clouds of bliss.
Dr. A.L. Bhatia
e-mail:
armbha@sancharnet.in