The following is an account of what I experienced and endured... the people are real, the names uncensored and incidents fresh and cruelly imprinted on my mind, heart and battered soul. It is a battered soul when one refuses to see it and realise the role of those who are lookin' to become activists. To stand up against Racism is an admirable choice... but hardly one of unselfish motivations. I once told Adrian Nikken that I was becoming homeless under some despicable conditions... his response although paraphrased "Find someone who gives a sh*t, and don't bother me about your stupidity". So much for the standing in solidarity, a friend of mine named Cosmos also felt the same kind of sh*t with regards to his UNION. He and I went through similar sh*t when we faced an injury... WCB, HA what a crock of shit. The sad truth is no one gives a sh*t about some dumb Nigger, Jap, Spic, Wop, Squaw, Chink and others who face all sorts of crap in DAILY LIFE. I faced it in George Brown College{a very racist college} in Toronto, ON Canada and still face it now... do I want my future kids to go through what I have? NO DAMN WAY! ... will it happen? YEAH, with the compliance that many media sources ignoring it and will happily live on into a new crop of Recruits into the Extreme Zionist/Nazi/Imperialist Japan/George W's Brave F*CKED World. Woo Hoo...

I have just come back from Grassy Narrows, ON with a group SCM learning about Racism. One of the young brave women lent me a copy of this show and what I saw was no different with the treatment of me. I grew up in one of the most Racist Cities in Ontario, Brampton. I was one of the only non-white persons in Kindergarten and understood very little English. I was a DEER-IN-HEADLIGHTS and endlessly bullied by practically everyone there including Mrs. Marshall the Kindergarten Teacher. I was bullied and told her about what was happening. She laughed in my face and from there on education to me was a downhill formality. My cultural and ancestral background was a strict and conformist in origin, no compromise in sight. Mrs. Joyce was one of the few decent persons I could count on my hand. She told my mother not to force me to write with my right hand... which had slowed my ability to write and it is atrocious to look at. I prefer to type{which I taught myself} and communicate in a letter form. I slowly began to hate myself and the entire community, I lived in. I heard from many "Go Home" including adults, parents and students... the hatred was more than skin deep. It began to spread like a wild, out of control fire, parents would shield their kids like I was a contagious disease. Teachers showed preferential treatment to the boys and girls of WASP background, everyone who didn't fit was ostracised publicly. I hated school it was so hypocritical, kids who were white could get away with anything and I was picked out, punished for everything. I had once seen several kids write F*CK OFF on the walls and being uneducated, ignored and reading at a grade 2 level in grade 6. I copied it unknowingly what it meant on a book cover, I was brought in front of Mr. Goodman our principal. I was intimidated by this man and knew that again I was being singled out for another transgression while others got away with more stuff. I began to hate this man as well since I was never allowed to defend myself or explain anything. So I adamantly refused to speak or say anything.

I liked this girl, a white girl named Lin Sallay and never knew why she didn't see me as a person... I was sadden by this. Another time a decent young girl named Allison Hands wanted to date me... and I came to her house to call on her. Her mother took one look at me and told me to F*CK OFF you chink, I was shocked, sad and pissed off. I broke it off with Allison, even though I liked her but knew the repercussions for her in the future. I liked another girl and the same result happened... so I basically gave up on being friendly with pretty well everyone. I toyed around with another girl named Christy Laing and actually did like but not her friends who publicly made fun of her behind back. I heard so many atrocious things being said about her and I publicly defended her... she never knew how much people hated her. I never let on how much her own friends{except Lisa Draga} hated her and that made me sad... a nice girl could be made ridiculed. Oh well, the drum beat goes on and on.

My father Masao told me that people would look at me and hate me. I never knew why...

He said that I was an excellent ball player and others would refuse to allow me to play. He knew that his son would undergo the cruellest sh*t and it would never end. I thought the old man lost his marbles, how could he tell his youngest son that people would hate you for no d@mn reason. I was confused about this lesson... I began to see the f*ckin' hypocrisy in front of me.

In grade seven, I was reading at a grade two level and had been designated for REMEDIAL ENGLISH and in clear letters "IDIOT" was written on my file. I sneaked a peak in my file and saw what the Peel Board of Education thought of me... some stupid Jap. I then quietly taught myself English since no one really gave a d@mn about me. My so-called friends also bailed on me as well... James Ahola, his brother was my brother's friend. I thought him being a Good Christian would be my friend... Ha what a joke! He and some other boys ran off and secretly made fun of me. One of the most racist persons I ever met was Tom Ender, he looked down on anyone who was different and made d@mn sure they felt his racist, prejudicial bullsh*t. They thought I couldn't see it that since I am not as scholastically proficient… they could patronise me. I taught myself everything and refused to do a Science Project, 'cause if I did better than anyone else my secret would be out. I did enough to pass but not enough to stand out... I knew that being too smart would be another reason for others to hate me even more. I hated school in Brampton, ON it was the worst kind of Prejudice and Racism… Blonde, BLUE EYED crap was directed at me. I did like Mrs. Wong in Hunters Glen Public School, a Scarborough Public School who actually looked at me as a person and saw my potential as a human. I always knew I was smart no matter how many including my own mother thought I was an idiot.

One, Rosemary Evans screamed at me for being Anti-Black when I left a Black History workshop. I asked one of the presenters "why Dr. Martin Luther King wasn't represented" and was ignored, dismissed and glared at for the inquiry. I felt like I was being marginalised again... I looked at Wayne Foster and said "Sorry man but this is bullsh*t". I walked out and then faced this bitch screaming at me for leaving a school sanctioned event… I stood my ground and wasn’t allowed to speak my mind. She is another Racist Bitch I had encountered and endured…

I ran into other peoples who weren’t any better and showed their brutal ugliness upfront and in person. I didn't like the overt racists @ssholes but I at least knew who was who it was the quiet B@stards never made any impression 'cause NOT stirring the boat was much worse Silence is Compliance in my mind. Silence means compliance and I have seen that up close and personal, I am looked at as a JAPANESE-CANADIAN and all the stereotypes that go along with it. One of my colleagues Dr. George Fulford had admitted that he never knew how to take me and sincerely means that I am a person of substance and intelligence. I have seen these White Privileges being exported into different cultures, for example: In Toronto an Oriental man on the streetcar would ask me "WHAT ARE YOU?" a strange question to be directed at anyone. The next question that follows is "Where are you from?"... I become sarcastic and say "Brampton, ON" but deep down I know what he is really asking. The next question of his lips is "Where is your mother from?" and now it gets deeply depressing for me. "Where is your Grandmother from?" I reply with some distaste "Vancouver, BC" for both questions. "Where are your ancestors from?" I am of Japanese-Canadian descent and my father's words echo harshly in my mind and I cry inside. The man now ignores me like I do not exist... you see Chinese people do not like Japanese people and you can include other Oriental peoples. I can tell you that this happens on a daily basis... people stare at you for talking and being friendly.

The following is an example of this…

I loved a young and beautiful Vietnamese Woman named Ngoc Lan Tran that used to reside on Dufferin St. in Toronto. We were so close and intimately becoming inseparable, until her mother saw that we respected each other. Ngoc and I would talk for about 3 hours on the phone, it was so beautiful and innocent. I wanted to learn her language and culture to understand her more. She refused to teach me saying it was hard. Love is hard and if one doesn’t fight for it, it isn’t worthwhile. We often skated at Nathan Phillips Square and had a great time. Her friends often spoke on how much she liked me and told me to go and hold her. I loved this moment, I just hoped we'd be close and maybe become married. Her mother apparently saw Ngoc skipping home from the bus stop and began to propagandise her with lies, prejudice crap and racist beliefs. Ngoc, unfortunately toed the line and began to lie to me about everything... losing her family support would be worse than losing me. Her brother hated having to chaperone a birthday party she threw for herself, he knew how much I loved his sister. I asked her jokingly "Do you want me to attend?" She was definitely not afraid to say anything "YES... Why wouldn't you want to attend my birthday party organised by me?" She was a pretty girl with some a fiery nature and she's the only one girl that I am more afraid of than anyone I have met. I loved her like no other and yet it breaks my heart to see RACIST crap.

I have walked away from jobs in protest of wage inequities, preferential treatment and other blatant crap. One of my former friends Frank Brick asks me why I should care if a METIS MAN doesn't get the same wage I do. It is this kind of racist sh*t that pisses me off the most... I wrote back to this individual saying "I could never keep my head up and maintain some consistency in my life." He's the kind of racist, I have decidedly avoided. My own mother says to me at the tender age of six years old… “If you bring a Jewish Girl home she won’t be welcome and neither will you.” What the hell does a six year old know about Jews? I confronted her and made her admit her own racist beliefs, I stood alone against this and still maintain a level of morality that is totally consistent. To those I have encountered and refused to conform, I shake my head and maintain my moral stance outlined by my father Masao. I will not stand quiet in anyway ‘cause I know PERSONALLY what it is like to be one of the Native Persons seated being made fun of in songs, in person and in schools. I have long ago let go of the hatred but the scars of Brampton, ON it remains in my heart, body and soul.