My grandfather kicked the bucket in 1983. The reading of his will raised some eyebrows, to riot in understatement. To his only daughter, he left his prodigious smoking habit, while to his sons he left his many fine stomach ulcers "which I hope will bring you as many hours of pleasure as they have me." I remember this taunt from the grave whenever people speak to me of cultural heritage and such. For instance, Andrew Rosindell, the Romford Conservative MP has announced that "23rd April - St George's Day - should be carved on the heart of every Englishman." Andrew, I should be delighted to carve those words into your heart the second you present yourself to me. I have, however, one question: Why?

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