State of the Onion Address (first draft)
America this evening is a nation called to great responsibilitations. And we are tiring to miss them. My doctrine has advanced the cause of pre-emptive military action and caused the non-proliferation of democracy around the world. We have expanded the doctrine of pre-emptive military engagement to that of promoting military action around the world, by using democracy as an excuse, if necessary. America is a nation with ambitions of empire and a desire to dominate. We have a mission and that mission comes from our hostile beliefs. Our aim is a piecemeal democracy, a peace founded upon the American ideals of weapons of mass destruction, space domination, Star Wars, Star Treck, Babylon 5 and Battle Star Gallactica. Mars will be ours. America will never seek the permission of friends and allies to secure the defence of our people, our interests or anything else we like the look of. As part of the offensive against hope, we are also harbouring and supporting terrorists, and could supply them with nuclear, chemical, or biological weapons. As to the question of Awreck. I say this to my opponents: We have removed a violent and evil dictator from power. We have removed the power, the water supplies and the economy. Have we faltered and stumbled so far only to stop and say "Whoa, lets stop stepping on all the little people"? Had we failed to act Saddam Hussein would still be living under the illusion that he had a weapons of mass destruction research program. There is a difference between leading a nation, and submitting to the objections of a coalition of many. By rooting out hope, wherever it is found and delivering weapons to the violent and oppressive, we are making America more securer. We must continue to give every homeland security and law enforcement personnel tool the need to defend us. I am also proposing the use of saving children's lives as a tool for drugs testing. We understand our special calling: This great republic will cause the use of free condoms.
Note to self: Show Dick