Today I was in court and at 11.30am was not sent to prison but instead my case was adjourned for another four weeks.. there was no doubt the magistrate simply refused to send me there because she realised she would have to find an explanation for her doing so.. However on the 14th of october i face upto a year (less) in prison.. Now what is my crime.. to seek help (wrongly, perhaps) for the abuse listed below..

November / December 1964 my father was often beating/
raping my mother.. following this my mother became
pregnant with me.. during that pregnancy my father
beat my mother.. with the intent of not only killing
her but the unwanted child, a basterd child in the
true sense of the word..

August 1965 i was born into the world, for three years
my father not only beat me but also continued the
abuse of my mother.. 1969 (age three) he made an
effort not only to kill myself but my mother by the
act of throwing both myself and mother down the
stairs..

1971 to 1976 i was placed into care (age six) i was
moved again to another home.. here i was beaten and
sexually abused.. one incident stands out due to the
horrific nature of the incident.. three members of
staff buggered me for over two hours.. following this
i was bleeding.. for the next two weeks i was also
shitting myself, each time being beaten for doing so..

1976 to 1977 i was moved to another home.. here no
shit happened just happy times listening to the top 40
and bob marley's jamming..

1977 to 1980 i was moved again to another home.. here
i was beaten, locked into cupboards..

1980 to 83/4 i was placed into a shool at cheltenham..
spending some of my time at my mothers other times at
another home.. yet again more beatings.. at the age of
15 i was ganged raped.. following this my night
clothes were covered in blood the next morning.. which
had dryed.. the clothes was ripped off me.. for over
three hours i was beaten and humiliated in front of
those who had raped me and the rest of the home..

1985 i was moved again to another home here i was
medicated against my will and sexually abused..

1985 i was given a councill flat.. a worker at the
time gave me 100 pounds followed by "why not sniff
yourself to death.."

1985 i watched a girlfriend who i had been seing since
the age 14 jump from kelvin flats.. to this date i
aint sure how i managed to get down to the ground..
all i remember is seeing her body and the head of my
loved one some distance from what remained of her.. i
puked my guts..

1986 i was sectioned. here i was beaten and forced
medication against my will..

1987 i was placed into another home.. here a member of
staff taught me how to use smack and where to get the
shit..

1987 to 1989 homelessness and a smack habit enused..
for some reason i spent three months with help in a
part derelict building. i came off the shit towards
the end of 1989..

1990-94 on much a self destruct mode..

1994 to 1995 i simply can't remember other than what
i'm told.. i was pissed off my head..

1996 to 1997 a year of heavy acid abuse..

1997 to present date been making an effort to sort out
this shit..

From 1997 to present date i have been in dispute with
what is now called sheffield care trust.. this april
to june of this year the shit hit the fan.. when thay
could no longer refuse me care and would have to start
to look into giveing me help to redress the abuse...

There is no doubt my actions towards front line staff (threatening behaviour - verbally!) were out of order.. they were born out of anger fear and frustration: a desire to simply place in the past this shit, get the necessary help and move on with my life..

I desire an opportunity to raise this on here as even though this is my own story, I'm sure ther are hundreds of others in this city who have been abused, in and out of there care, resulting in them being severely let down by the health authority. For instance, There is no Anger Management Sevices available for folk here in Sheffield. Rotherham has it, Doncaster too but a city of half a million+ have no access.. Problems are left unresolved.. These problems creating other problems, etc..

Last week Sheffield Care Trust, i feel, killed another working class person in their care?... He was on The Burbage Ward (Nether Edge Psychiatric Hosp.) under 24 hour care and supervision.. One of his workers phoned in not able to come into work.. On that day he was left with just one worker watching him.. An incident then took place on Burbage and because the Ward was down two workers that day he was left for an hour on his own.. In that time he took his life.. Now i feel strongly another working class person has been killed by sheffield care trust.. To my knowledge, a six year old and 5 others this year have, i feel, been killed by this mis-management.. Inappropriate training.. Lack of funds.. (Burbage is an acute ward for people with Mental Health issues(?) here i'd question what is mental health, another means of state control?)

Staff are often off sick due to stress and other related illness... Often Leaving wards under-staffed such as at Burbage.. Often meaning Staff on the front line along with patients are left at risk..

..All i'm suffering from is P.T.S.D (a consultant Psychiatrist's diagnosis) if this was agreed they would in the first instance have to accept the fact that i was abused.. In the second instance offer me the right and apropriate care..

Now ask me do they desire to accept the abuse when there are still 12 staff who abused me still employed by Sheffield Care trust? Of course they don't..

Do they not agree with not just myself but doctors alike.. They would prefer to simply label me with a personality disorder.. Something they can not offer treatment for - therfore negating any responsibilty for the abuse..

Any how, There is no doubt the hearing on the 14 of October can be moved to another date.. But time is running really short as i want to take on Sheffield Care Trust..

The simple fact is Sisters, Brothers, Comrades not only are sheffield care trust killing working class people.. They're also refusing to accept any responsibilty for the vile abuse they committed not only against myself but countless working class people of this city..

I need your support not only me but the working class of this city.. If i could be given an opportunity to raise this HERE and ask that it becomes a front page article?.. It would be a welcome move forward..

For now i need to go and cry / hug some trees and just rock to Nirvana.. Oh by the way Nirvana on e what can you say..

Mozaz..
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