Skip to content or view screen version

EARLY PRICES ON NEW PRIME MINISTER.

Tom Paine | 16.07.2003 10:41

Phoney and his hack will be gone by Robin weeks in September.
These are the early prices for his successor.
Failed actors and hacks need not apply.

Silent Brown: (Fav.) 1/1.
Good stayer,resilient, course and distance suit, trained for this, connections confident.

Rear Gunner Mandy:4/1. Good sort, dedicated, well trained, good pedigree, tripped up on last outing by large bribe and bum passport.Must be respected. Anyone who's best youthful memory is forming a labour party must be given a chance.

That Bloke 2 Chins:15/1.
Overextended on quick left, out of shape.

Apartheid Hain: 16/1. Kicked former trainer Mandela. Went on to kill loads of women and children in Iraq, just like Vorster.Claiming tax allowance.

Jackrabbit Straw:30/1. Sychophant without power, tried with bit this time to suppress inane grin.

Clear Short: 2/1. Always clear sighted except on occasion when vunerable to bullshit.

Swamp Blunkett: 90/1. Has no idea. Dumped British citizens abroad (Cuba and Saudi),tried to abolish juries when he may need one himself soon.

Amos the hare:100/1. Newcommer, not fast as name suggests, still learning the convoluted language of new labour. Best watched.

Darling Alistair:4/1. Looks well, fit, in with a chance.

Butts Reid:9/1. Former AW Marxist, slow starter, out of breath, puffs too much.

Sad Eyes Murphy: 6/1. Good outside chance.

Holls Hoon:30/1. Went on holiday while others were trying. No Hope.

Knewit Hewitt: 80/1. No chance. Phoney babe. No pedigree.

No Razor Charlie:2/1. Good chance. Sound Labour footing, Gruff and well liked.

Tessa all jowl: 90/1. Not fancied, changable.

Tom Paine
- e-mail: tompainee@yahoo.co.uk