Press Release…Press Release…

EDF Invasion Plan Announced For Aberystwyth This Thursday

Troops of the English Defence Force (EDF) will invade and occupy Aberystwyth
on Thursday 5th June declaring it a Closed Military Zone.

EDF will be imposing curfew, building checkpoints, and asking for ID cards
from all people who look slightly Welsh. They will be especially suspicious
of Welsh speakers because they are known from past experience to be
terrorists. As a mark of respect for Her Majesty, EDF personnel will refuse
to speak in any language other than the Queens English.

EDF troops will be armed with M16 machine guns and have access to Tanks,
Helicopter and F16 air support if needed, as well as nuclear and biological
weapons, but these are unlikely to be used on the first morning.

In a direct message to the people of Aberystwyth, the EDF Spokesperson said:

“Do not leave your home unless you are prepared to risk being killed. If
approaching EDF troops you must wear a fluorescent orange jacket, hold your
hands clearly in the air and waive a white flag. You must do whatever you
are told. You may be killed anyway. EDF may arrest, beat or kill you if they
feel like it. It is best to obey all their orders.

“Tourists entering the town must sign a waiver form allowing them to be
killed by us if necessary, and declaring that they are not international
peace activists, or human rights monitors. Journalists may also be killed if
caught taking photographs.”

The EDF states that “Aberystwyth is a known centre of dangerous Welsh
militancy, the leaders of which must be assassinated to show an example to
the rest of the population of the disputed territories of Wales. As soon as
these people are identified, EDF Special Forces- our elite death squads-
will assassinate them, for the security of the state of England. There will
be no legal hearings first, these take much to long.”

“We will continue with this operation until Aberystwyth is secure and we
have surrounded it with a high security wall, guard posts, and an
electrified fence that will completely cut it off from the rest of Wales and
the world” said the spokesperson.

The EDF Spokesperson also thanked the more moderate English speaking
population of Wales for their continued support for English rule in Wales
over the last 700 years.

Ends

EDF Central Command
For More Information contact: 01970 624529 or 07751156609
More will follow