translated from  http://accidents.pravda.ru/accidents/2003/10/35/285/9361_laugh.html. I've struggled on some of the words and its been translated directly, but its mostly ok. It's better in the original Russian.

***
- Mr. Bush, do you have proof of what weapons of mass destruction Iraq has?
- Yes, we have kept the receipts confirming payment.

* * *
Bush to American people:
" The Enemy has artfully attacked our planes when we peacefully bombed its cities ".

* * *
Bush talks to his military advisor:
- Listen, that you have not warned me prior to the beginning of war, that in Iraq apart from desert there is also cities.

* * *
Americans have applied a new superbomb to suppress the electronic weapon of the opponent and with surprise have found out, that in automatic devices Kalashnikovs microprocessors are not used.

* * *
In England Boris Berezovsky was arrested on security grounds. Only so Englishmen could find means for continuation of war in Iraq.

* * *
Today the first refusal of a pilot of the US Air Forces to drop a bomb on the British army was noted.

* * *
I and have not understood, why for war with England Bush have chosen territory of Iraq.

* * *
After the termination(ending) of military actions Iraq will be divided(shared) into zones. Zone ÀÈ-76, zone ÀÈ-92 and zone ÀÈ-95.

* * *
About brought down American helicopter " apache " interview the peasant who has brought down it(him) from áåðäàíêè:
- You as call?
- áåðäàíê!
(sorry, I don't understand this one)
* * *
In Moscow market, the apache helicopter which has disappeared in Iraq during a sandy storm is found.
(not too sure on this translation)
* * *
Air defence of Ukraine refuses to accept responsibility for planes casually shot down above Bagdad.

* * *
The Pentagon Analises, the military operation will be not be prolonged - if Iraq will stop interfering with its course.

* * *
Inspectors of the United Nations have found out nearby the Iraqi pilotless plane the pilot. The pilot (weight of 80 kg, scope of hands 1.5 ì) is capable to move without the help of the plane on distance more than 80 kms.