A Summary of Tomorrows Iraq War News

Baghdad was once again bombed heavily last night by
coalition planes and missiles. The bunker of Saddam
was hit once again by huge bunker busting XZQ-857
smart bombs. Saddam, his sons, dogs and male cousins
were reported dead or badly injured. After the attack
the Baghdad emergency number was called several times
according to the CIA. Despite of the heavy bombing the
business in Baghdad continues as usual today in local
hamburger and taco places. The traffic is running
normally although some delays are expected later today
because of heavy troop movement across the town.
Outside of the Iraqi capital several other well
selected targets were hit. It was reported that some
smart bombs and missiles had accidentally struck
Turkey, Iran and Syria but the people there are
getting used to this. At 0700 hours GMT the Iraqi
satellite and digital television showed Saddam, his
sons, dogs and male cousins playing golf with some
coalition prisoners of war. According to Pentagon it
is against the Geneva conventions to force prisoners
of war to play golf if the day is very sunny or it is
raining a lot. We are still waiting for the Iraqi
cable television news. The entire navy of landlocked
Zimbabwe will join the war effort in the Persian Gulf.
We want to liberate Iraq said comrade Mugabe.

Coalition spokesman general John G. Doe reported that
during the night the Iraqi 1528 Special Fedayeen
armoured division had surrendered bringing the total
of surrendered Iraqi soldiers to around 15 273 953.
The Pentagon is planning to airlift these prisoners of
war to the Guantanamo base in Cuba. In central Iraq
the very holy town of Al Bizarre has now been
liberated, occupied, secured and force fed by US
Marines special forces although some smallish pockets
of heavy resistance continue. The majority of the 50
people living in Al Bizarre greeted the US forces as
liberators and said that they had been waiting for a
long time for this happy movement. These 26 shia
Muslims had really been planning to revolt against
Saddam but in the winter it was too cold and in the
summer too hot. One embedded journalist from Paraguay
reported that the US Marines in Al Bizarre would have
to stop their fast advance in the desert at least
temporarily because of lack of pizza and Coke. The
pizza deliveries from Kuwait City are just taking too
much time now. The US advance has also been hampered
because there is a lot of sand in the desert. General
Doe prays that they will find mass destruction weapons
soon because his wife and 3 sons really want war
souvenirs back home in Alabama. So far the only
strange stuff the coalition forces have found are pink
North Korean made rain coats but according to the
analysts they might be dual use clothing.

In Northern Iraq the 100 000 Kurdish rebels once more
said that they are not at all interested in having
their own country after the war. Their leader said
that all Iraqi Kurds would be very happy to continue
being a part of a Iraq led by a democratic president
chosen by the US Congress. General John Doe also
reported that 800 000 specially trained paramilitary
members of the Baath party’s youth movement were now
roaming in the Southern, Northern, Western and Eastern
deserts in white Nissan 4-wheel drive pick up trucks
with the license plate EVIL-666. The general told the
war reporters that Israeli intelligence specialists
claim that the license plates might be forged because
there are no spelling mistakes. These Baath party
youths have according to the general been mostly
trained in Al Qaida camps in Tibet, Timor and Mongolia
and many of them have been fighting in Bhutan. The
Iraqi embassy in Jerusalem reported that 15 000
Iranian female suicide bomb volunteers were waiting
for a temporary terrorist visa to enter in Iraq. In
the strategic village of Ins Allah near the brewery of
Heineken Saddams Extremely Special Republican Camel
Guard was reported to be chasing a substantial number
of grey and white 4 legged camels that had escaped
during the night. These special troops are expected to
either escape or maybe surrender. The intelligence
information we have is still pretty confused said
commander James Bond from the British Intelligence
Service.

During the last 24 hours the US led coalition forces
have killed a large number of Iraqi civilians and some
people that might have been members of the Iraqi boy
scouts. The coalition casualties have been relatively
light. One US Navy SEAL commando drowned in a bath tub
in his hotel room in Qatar next to the Taco Bell. One
Royal Australian Airforce F-75 fighter was shot down
by Polish troops securing the oil fields near Kirkuk
and the 2 pilots were reported missing in action.
Despite of this latest accident the price of crude oil
continues to fall proving that the market approves of
the war. The Royal Danish Navy reported that 5 sailors
from the ”Yellow submarine” fighting against Saddam
were missing after a pub fight against Royal Spanish
Navy nurses from the hospital ship ”Santa Maria”. In
yet another deadly friendly fire accident US Stealth
B- 123 bombers operating from Bali killed 3 US Army
Rangers that had been distributing warm cans of Pepsi
Cola in the village of Al Omar Khat. A number of old
women who might have been civilians was killed also
but the body count is still going on. The coalition
forces have now lost a total of 35 soldiers. Out of
these 15 died of friendly fire and the rest in
accidents. The rumors of a female CIA Special Field
Operations agent being wounded by a non- suicidal
Malaysian Jihad bomber have still not been confirmed.
The CIA wants to contact her girl friend in San
Francisco first.

For more details please visit the following news
sites:

 http://www.debka.com
 http://www.iraqwar.ru
 http://www.aljazeera.net
 http://www.bbc.com
 http://www.cnn.com
 http://www.reuters.com